Stars

6. Past Love

It was 7.30pm and my head hurt from over thinking for the past twenty minutes. I need some fresh air so I snuck down stairs to see everyone chatting and laughing with each other. They won't even notice I'm gone.

I sat down on the edge of the dock with my feet skimming the water. The evening was beautiful. The stars shone down on the water which was a deep blue as the water reflected the perfect scenery. It was like looking at a galaxy but in the water. The sea was a well known mystery. Everyone knew it and could see it but there was so much unknown about it.

I feel like that sometimes. Like people think they know me when they really don't. I'm not a very predictable person and there's much more to me than meets the eye.

I was still upset about the past events from the last couple of hours. How  I am i still being fat shamed when I'm no longer fat. I couldn't wrap my head around it but I guess that's just my life. Full of surprises but not very good ones.

I pulled my knees into my chest as i started sobbing but not about what happened at dinner. It was about how the fact both my parents hate me for something that was out of my control.

We used to be a happy little family or so I thought. We lived on the edge of the cut just before you get to figure eight. We moved there when I was three from a small village in the east of England. Everything was fine my mother adored me and my farther well I guess we were close although he would shout at me alot but most of the time it was for good reason as I wasn't the most well behaved child. Everything changed when I turned eight years old. Caroline had an affair with some kook but she stayed with Marcus almost like she was scared of leaving but then my parents started arguing whenever we were all together and they blamed me. She then moved out to figure eight and got engaged to Charles and that's when Marcus first layed a hand on me, over and over again. It wasn't bad just little slaps and punches here and there not often but when he started he didn't stop. We moved to Atlanta like a month later but it just got worse.

I feel like my farther always secretly hated me but was finding a good enough excuse to beat me. He blamed me for his divorce and ever since then when we fought  he would have this evil psychotic expression on his face like he wanted to kill me. My mother on the other hand wanted this perfect kook daughter and realised I'm not that so she punishes me for it.

I was so deep In thought I could barely hear the distant calling coming from behind me.

" Rena..Rena.. fucking answer you bitch!" I turned around and my eyes widened. Rafe. " Go away Rafe." He stood infront of me as I picked myself off the floor. " No Rena you listen to me ok?" Oh god Where's this going. OK Lorrena just listen.

" Look I'm sorry OK. I just people were getting on my nerves and your an easy target." He stepped closer to me and went to grab my hand but i pulled it away before he could even touch me." Rafe just because people annoy you, that doesn't make it right to take it out on me. Are you hearing yourself right now." I stepped back and through my arms up." Don't make me sound crazy ok your just in my brain all the time ok and..and when I'm angry your there when I'm happy your there. You just need to leave my brain." He smacks his hand into his forehead and starts getting angrier. " If you just stayed in Atlanta with your abusive alcoholic farther I wouldn't be having this issue." I frowned at the boy standing in front of me. " How do you know about my farther." I stepped close to him and prodded his chest with my finger." Its obvious Rena. I mean look at the state of your scars covering your body. You probably deserved every one of them." He smirks and goes to grab me again.

"WTAF is wrong with you." I turn and start running away from Rafe with tears dropping from my eyes." Wait you can't just run off and leave me again."

"I haven't ever been close enough to you for me too leave Rafe." I stopped running in confusion. "Yes you did. When we were younger we were close and I fucking loved you Rena and I still do and you left. You left me alone and broke me!" He blurted out and my eyes widened as he realised what he just said." Wait you love me?" I turned around to see the shock on his face. This is not happening right now. It's not true he doesn't love me. " Well yes I did when we were younger and I still do but one day you'll see that we are ment to be together and I will make you mine."

I have never felt so sick in my life but I couldn't tell wheather that was because I was scared or repulsed." Rafe listen maybe when we were younger you may have had a chance but you changed and now it will never happen." I stood and  looked at his reaction. His face turned red with anger
"You love me too Rena I know it. I can tell by the way you look at me so stop denying it. I'll show you." He grabs my waist and plants his lips on mine so I pushed him away and ran for my life. " You can run from me Rena but you can't hide!"

Surprisingly Rafe didn't follow me so i ran far enough away that he was out of sight. I didn't want to be alone right now but I couldn't go to the chateau because John b would go crazy if he knew what just went down and most likely JJ was crashing there and he was the last person I needed to deal with so that only leaves me with Kiara. I grabbed my phone and called her.

"Hey Ren. What's up?"

" Hey Kie. Can I crash at yours tonight
Cause shit just went down and I need
Someone to tell me I'm not going crazy."

"Yeah of course. I don't know why we don't hang out just the two of us more
Often."

I ended the call. Luckily Kie's house wasn't too far from the docks but I still felt the need to speed walk the rest of the way just incase Rafe tries anything.

As I entered the Carreara household i saw her parents in the kitchen." Hey Mr and Mrs Carreara." They both looked up at me with warm smiles. " Nice to see you again Lorrena. I didn't know you were back on the island."

" I moved back in with my mother a couple of days ago." Mrs Carreara's smile grew even bigger as if this was the best thing she had heard all day." Oh how lovely tell Caroline I said hello. I'll be seeing you at midsummer's then." Before she could say anything else Mr Carreara butted in." I don't think Lorrena came here to gossip with you hunny. Lorrena Kiara's upstairs in her room but it was nice to see you guys are still friends atleast she has got a friend that will make a good impact on her." I wasn't to sure what to say to that so I made my way to Kie's room.

"He said what!" Kie just stared at me in disbelief." Yep. He literally acted like he had some kind of obsession with me. He even said ill see it one day and he will make me his."

"Wow I was not expecting that. Now I understand why you didn't go to the chateau, John b would go crazy Heck even JJ would." I just ignored the last part of her sentence. Why would JJ care anyways?  I turned to the TV to pick out a movie.

We both basically ignored the movie as we sat and gossiped about boys and drama most of the night. Kiara told me about this boy  Julian who she has been crushing on for a couple of weeks. Apparently she met him at the country club while her family were having a meal there.

"So what's going on with you any secret crushes I should know about?" She punched my shoulder. Not hard though only enough to feel it. "Nah Boys are annoying." I shrugged my shoulders at her as she gave me a look like I wasn't being truthful. "What about JJ?" I can not tell you what goes through this girl's mind but if she thinks that I like JJ she must be very dumb. " Ew Kie we're like... frienemies."

"Oh please Ren you flirt with him one day then scream at him the next. You have done it since you met him and it's almost like you can't help but make it obvious that you like him so your mean to cover up your feelings for him." I don't think Kiara even expected those words to come out of her mouth." First of all I would never like JJ in that way. Second of all we only flirt on the occasion that im drunk or high but what can I say I'm a flirty person I can't help that he's always there when I'm like that. It's just a bit of banter." I huff and sulk like a child. I can't believe she even had that thought. I mean don't get me wrong JJ Is hot in his own weird way but I would never ever go there.

We both sat in silence after that and enjoyed the movie but now I couldn't get JJ out of my head. Was it just Kie who thought I had feelings for him or did the others think it too? Fuck now I'm questioning wheather I like JJ more than I thought but in a friend way.  I guess I cared about him but I have a funny way of showing it. I know what love feels like because I had it with Jase but that's not how I feel towards JJ so I guess that's my answer.