Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 1158 - 1358

Entry 1159: Friday 29th November 2019

Entry 1159
Friday 29th November 2019

I'm worried. I'm really worried. I think Naomi might be a lesbian!

In the morning I went round to Naomi's and found that she was in the living room with Ash and Sophie. Ash was getting ready to take Sophie to the park and Naomi was doing some washing up. "Oh, Luke, do me a favour," said Naomi, "Go into Cowes and pop into Sainsbury's to get me some milk." "What do you mean?" asked Ash, "We've got some milk." "Yeah, but it's running out," said Naomi. "No, it's not," said Ash, "There's plenty. I..." "Oh, Ash stop making a big deal out of something," said Naomi, "Just take Sophie to the park and let me clean this kitchen. Look at the state of it. Look at all this washing up. It's like being in student digs." "Fine," said Ash, "Whatever. Go get milk. I'll leave you to your cleaning. Me and Sophie will be back in an hour." Ash left with Sophie and I walked over to Naomi, stood behind her and put my arms around her waist. "What are you doing?" Naomi bluntly asked me. "Giving you a cuddle," I said with a smile. "Luke, I'm trying to get this washing up done," said Naomi, as she squirmed away from me, "I thought you were going to go to Sainsbury's and get me some milk." "Well, I didn't actually say I would," I said. "Well, are you going to go or not?" Naomi bluntly asked me. "Yeah, OK," I said, stepping away from Naomi, feeling a bit put out, "What's up your arse?" "I'm trying to clean this kitchen and do all this washing up," said Naomi, "I feel like I've got lots of plates spinning. Can you just please go and get me some milk?"

Feeling like I was a bit of an inconvenience I went into Cowes, popped into Sainsbury's, got some milk and returned to Naomi's, but when I arrived back at her house, I walked into the living room I found Naomi sat on the sofa with Roz. As soon as I walked into the room the pair of them quicky jumped up off the sofa and looked very guilty. "What's going on?" I asked looking and sounding confused but also slightly suspicious. "Err... Nothing," said Naomi, "Roz just came round for a cuppa."  I scanned the area but couldn't see any mugs. "I don't see any mugs," I said. "Well, we just got chatting," said Roz. "Yeah, that's right," said Naomi, "Honestly. I'd forget my head if it wasn't glued on. I was going to get you a drink of water and get me a cup of tea." "How were you going to make tea?" I asked, "I didn't think you had any milk?" "No, Ash said we had plenty of milk," said Naomi, "We don't have PLENTY of milk, but I've got enough to make myself a cup of tea whilst I chat to Roz." "I thought you were busy washing up and cleaning the kitchen?" I said. "Well, yeah," said Naomi, "But you have to be nice to guests if they come and call." "It's not a guest, its' Roz," I bluntly said. "Luke, don't be rude," said Naomi, "I can't chuck people out when they come round." "Oh, but you can chuck me out and send me off to get some milk," I said. "Oh, stop moaning," said Naomi. "What have you two been up to then?" I asked, "You both look very guilty." "Guilty?" said Naomi, "What are you talking about?" "We were just having a chat," said Roz. "What about?" I asked. Naomi and Roz both answered at the same time but gave different answers. Naomi said clothes and Roz said food. This made me feel even more suspicious. Roz and Naomi exchanged awkward looks which increased my suspicion even further. "Food AND clothes," said Naomi, "We were thinking of having a day out at some point and buying some clothes and getting a bite to eat." "Yeah, that's right," said Roz, "Anyway, I should go. I'll get that drink another time. See you both later." Roz left and Naomi casually returned to her washing up. "What was all that about then?" I firmly asked as I followed Naomi into the kitchen. "All what?" asked Naomi. "Don't give me that," I snapped, "You both looked guilty as Hell as soon as I walked in here with your bl**dy milk." "What are you on about?" asked Naomi, looking at me like I was some sort of weirdo, "We were just having a chat. Stop being paranoid." "I think she fancies you," I said. "You are being ridiculous," said Naomi, "Actually, you're being insecure. This is all because you found out I had a girlfriend when I was younger. Anyway, even if Roz does fancy me, which I don't think she does, what does it matter? I'm not a lesbian, am I? You don't get all paranoid when I see TJ, and me and him have had sex." "Yeah, but you know that shagging TJ was a mistake," I said, "Anyway, Roz shagged my wife, I don't want her shagging my girlfriend." "Oh, Luke, for God's sake," said Naomi, rolling her eyes. "Well, what do you expect to me think!?" I exclaimed. "Not this," said Naomi, "Roz and Caroline got together ages after you got divorced. Stop going on. God, Luke, Richard has just died. I know he was miserable sod but Roz was close to him, and remember what she said when we saw her at Madeline's the other day. She feels isolated. Like she's always been the outsider. I'm just trying to make her feel included. Like she's part of the group. On the inside." "Yeah, well as long as she doesn't try and get inside your knickers," I said. "Oh, Luke, stop being ridiculous," said Naomi. I still felt that there was something Naomi wasn't telling me, so I decided to go for a walk on the beach with Leo.