Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 1158 - 1358

Entry 1166: Friday 6th December 2019

Entry 1166
Friday 6th December 2019

It's been a nice day.

Naomi and I met with Mike and Sci-Fi Cyn at Sails Café. We had a chat over a cuppa and talked about what sort of wedding we might have. "Have you come up with a date?" asked Mike. "Not yet," said Naomi, "I don't think there's a huge rush." "Yeah, but we don't want to hang around forever, do we?" I said. "Can I be best man?" asked an excited Mike. "I thought Ash could be best man," said Naomi. Mike suddenly looked very disappointed. "I thought I got to choose my best man," I said. "Yeah, but I thought you'd have chosen Ash," said Naomi. "I thought you'd have wanted Ash to walk you down the aisle and give you away?" I said. "Oh, yeah," said Naomi, "I suppose that makes sense." "So, I CAN be best man?" asked Mike.  "Yeah, I guess you can." I said. Mike smiled and started excitedly clapping his hands. "I still can't believe you pushed that cream pie into Roz's face," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "Yeah, I'm surprised she didn't punch you in the face," said Naomi. "Yeah, well the misunderstanding all got sorted in the end," I said, "I'm just really happy that this lovely lady is going to be my wife." "We need to sort out your stag do," said an excited Mike, "I could get out TJ to help." "That sounds like it's got disaster written all over it," I said, "Anyway, I'm not really bothered about a stag do." "Oh, come on babes," said Mike, "You've got to have a stag do. It's the done thing. I could get a stripper!" "No, I don't want a stripper," I said, "Anyway, I don't think there are any strippers in the island." "I could be the stripper!" said an excited Mike. "Mike, I don't want you stripping off at my stag do," I said, "It was bad enough when you did it for my birthday that time. Look, don't worry about the stag do. I'm really not that bothered. Anyway, I thought you had your own problems to deal with." "What do you mean?" asked Mike. "That Nelly woman," I said, "Is she still obsessed with you?" "I haven't seen her since the other day," said Mike. At that point, Nelly walked into the café. "Talk of the devil," said Sci-Fi Cyn. Nelly walked over to the counter, ordered a drink and ignored the four of us who were sat around the nearby table. A tense silence lingered. "Just say hello to her," Naomi quietly said to Mike. Mike shook his head. He was happy avoiding Nelly. Naomi rolled her eyes and turned to look at Nelly. "Hi Nelly," she said, "How are you getting on?" Nelly turned her head and looked unimpressed. "What's up, Nelly?" asked Naomi. "He led me on," Nelly formally said, pointing at Mike, "He led me on and all the time he was a homosexual." At that point TJ turned up and walked over to the table. "Alright gay boys!" he loudly said, "'Ere, Naomi, I have worn out my hand w*nking over the idea of you and Roz lezzing off together." TJ waved his hand in front of Naomi's face. "Look at it," he said, "It's red raw." TJ then sensed the atmosphere and turned and saw Nelly. "F*ck me, look at the state of that!" exclaimed TJ looking at Nelly's less than perfect complexion. "TJ, don't be rude," Naomi quietly said. "Who's this spotty dotty?" asked TJ, "And why is she eyeballing our Mike?" "This is Nelly," Naomi said. "Nelly?" said TJ, "As in the elephant? Well, no offence love but you look about the size of an elephant. Nelly the elephant. Brilliant!" "TJ, stop it," Sci-Fi Cyn firmly said. "My name is Nelly Smacker," Nelly firmly said to TJ. "Smelly knackers?" said TJ. "No!" snapped Nelly, "Nelly Smackers." "Sounds like smelly knackers," said TJ, "And from that greasy skin on your old clock it looks like you've had a few pairs of smelly knackers rubbed across your face." "You people are so rude," said Nelly. "Hang on a minute," said TJ, "Nelly. This is that mad bint who's stalking our Mike." "Your Mike has been lying to me," said Nelly, "He led me on and never told me he was gay." "He's not gay you crazy b*tch," said TJ, "He's not interested in you because he likes c*ck. He's not interested in you because it looks like there's a load of volcanoes about to erupt on your face." Nelly started crying and ran out of the café. "You're such an arsehole sometimes," said Naomi. "Oh, shut up," said TJ, picking up Nelly's drink that she had left on the counter, "She needed telling. Anyway, she'll stop stalking our Mike now."

We carried on talking about the wedding and TJ said that he would help Mike sort out a stag do to remember. I did my best to make it clear that I dd not want TJ involved in any stag do that I might end up having, but I don't think he listened to my assertive instructions.

Naomi and I talked about dates but we didn't really come up with anything concrete. We both agreed that what with Christmas coming up that it was best to get that out of the way and look at having the wedding sometime in the New Year. Maybe early February or something, after my birthday at the end of January.

One thing Naomi and I have agreed on is that we don't want a big wedding. Juts something simple and discreet with a few of our friends and family there. I don't know if there's á vicar or a priest or anyone on the island who is actually able to marry us but Cyn said she'd check the records at GRID and let us know.

I'm still really happy. I can't believe me and Naomi are going to get married!