Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 1158 - 1358

Entry 1187: Friday 27th December 2019

Entry 1187
Friday 27th December 2019

Still no sign of the missing weird woman from the shed but Tinsley made an announcement over the island's public address system that has left me feeling shocked and suspicious.

When I got up in the morning, I sat in the living room giving Leo his breakfast and talking about yesterday's situation with Mum and Auntie Meryl when Naomi arrived with Sophie. I gave Naomi a kiss and we continued talking about Tinsley and the mysterious woman.

"Well, I've been thinking about this," I firmly said, "I reckon Tinsley knows exactly who that woman is." "What woman?" asked Auntie Meryl. "The woman in the shed!" I exclaimed. "Maggie Smith?" said Auntie Meryl. "That's the Woman in the Van," I bluntly said. "Lady," said Mum. "Oh, don't start all that sh*t again," I said, "Tinsley doesn't want us telling anyone about the weird woman. She's running around out there somewhere doing God only knows what and our Commander and Chief is saying he doesn't want to cause a panic or put the island on lockdown. There's something he's not telling us." "Oh, what's new," said Auntie Meryl sounding bored, "There's been more secrets flying round this island than there are seagulls flying round Whitby." "Sausage" said Mum, "We don't know that this woman is definitely still on the island." "Well, I doubt she hopped on the ferry to go over to the mainland," said Naomi. "Not, when she's only wearing her birthday suit," said Auntie Meryl. "Yeah, well I think Tinsley knows more than he's letting on," I said, "And I'm going to speak to him about it." "He might not know anything about that woman," said Mum, "He looked pretty clueless to me." "Oh, come on," I said, "That was probably just a big act. A bit like this Mr-Nice-Guy is all an act. I'm telling you. He knows who that woman is. That's why he wants us to keep our mouths shut." "Oh, why does everything have to be such a bl**dy drama?" said Auntie Meryl, "There was a naked woman in our shed, and now there isn't? Why are we still going on about it?" "I think Meryl's right," said Mum, "If every time I felt the need to make a fuss when I was naked in someone's shed, I'd never stop talking." "Slut," said Mum. "No, Meryl," said Mum, "I just know how to live." "There's only one garden hoe that belongs in a shed and it's not you," Auntie Meryl said.

Before I had a chance to say anything the island's public address system was activated, and the usual introductory ping emanated across the island. I quickly stood up and made my way to the front door. "This'll be Tinsley," I said, as I opened the front door, "He'll be making an announcement. It might be something to do with this weird woman." I was joined at the front door by Mum and Naomi. Auntie Meryl stayed inside with Leo and Sophie. I looked next door and noticed Mia and Harold stood on their doorstep waiting for Tinsley's announcement. After a few moments Tinsley's voice emanated from the public address system. "Good morning," he announced, "This is Commander Richard Tinsley from The Global Response to International Disaster. I hope you are all keeping well, staying safe and looking after each other. Over the last few days, it has come to my attention that the role of commander is a very demanding one and for that reason I have appointed a deputy commander. A second in command if you will. I'd like to take this opportunity to inform you all that with immediate effect my deputy commander is Mr Harold Endo." Mum, Naomi and I turned our head sharply to look at Harold who was stood on the door step next door with a smug look on his face. "What the f*ck!?" I loudly exclaimed. "I know some of you may be surprised at my appointment," continued Tinsley, "But Harold Endo has been instrumental over these last few weeks in working with GRID scientists in trying to develop a cure. Yes, Mr Endo did create the virus and he is certainly aware of his past sins but now he is dedicated to ensuring the continued survival of this island. His scientific knowledge and expertise, and the fact that he created the virus means he's perfectly placed to be my second in command. I am sure you will all support me in my decision and give Deputy Commander Endo your support and respect. If anyone gives Deputy Commander Endo abuse or anything other than support and respect, I am afraid I will have no choice but to put them into The Isle of Wight Prison. Thank you for your time and have a good day.

Once the announcement had finished Mum, Naomi and I walked over to the garden wall and approached Harold and Mia. Harold looked annoyingly smug. "What the f*ck was that?" I angrily snapped. "It was an announcement," said Harold with a smirk on his face. "You're the second in command!?" gasped a shocked Naomi. "That's right," said Harold, "Good, eh?" "There is no way this is legit," I firmly said. "Don't you think so?" Harold smugly asked, "Lynn, you used to work with me. Did Tinsley have a point? Do I have scientific knowledge and expertise?" "Well, yeah," said Mum, "But I never thought someone from GRID would make you deputy commander." "Stranger things have happened," said Harold with another annoying smirk, "And it does make sense." "It doesn't make any sense!" I loudly exclaimed, "You're not a soldier." "No, but I am a scientist," said Harold, "And right now this island needs scientists more than soldiers, and I'm the best scientist on this island." "You're a big-headed sod," I said. "Luke, leave him alone," said Mia, "Dad's going to help us come up with a cure." "Is he b*llocks!" I loudly exclaimed, "He doesn't care about getting a cure. He doesn't care about anyone but himself." "No, that's wrong," said Mia, "He cares about me and Tinkerbell." "He wants to control you and Tinkerbell," I firmly said, "He was going to kill you both not that long ago. Or have you forgotten about that?" "Oh, Luke that was a long time ago," said Harold, "We all make mistakes. If we all were going to judge you on all of your past misdemeanours you wouldn't have a friend left in the world." "What have you done to Tinsley?" I firmly asked Harold, "One minute he's a psycho, then he's Mr Nice Guy and now he makes you Deputy Commander. It's pretty obvious something's going on." "You sound paranoid," said Harold. "I'm not blind," I snapped, "Do you think I'm stupid?" "Oh, Luke," said a patronising Harold, "Of course I think you're stupid. You ARE stupid. With every step you take you leave behind a catalogue of disasters and stupidity. There's a reason Tinsley picked me to be a Deputy Commander, and a reason he picked you to be a cleaner. How are you enjoying your work mopping floors and wiping urine?" I could feel my anger intensifying and Naomi could see this. "OK," said Naomi, stepping in front of me, "Let's calm down. Luke, he's goading you." "It looks like it's working," said a smug Harold. "Harold shut up," snaped Naomi, "Mia, take your dad inside. We'll see you later. Come on Luke."

Mum, Naomi and I walked back inside and I spent the next twenty minutes shouting, ranting and raving and expressing a sh*t load of anger and slagging off Harold. I can't stand the pr*ck! He's such an arrogant, smug, self-righteous tw*t. I f*cking hate him! I can't believe he's the second in command. Harold might think I'm stupid but I'm not! I know something dodgy is going on. I don't know what but I'm going to find out. Maybe Harold has some dirt on Tinsley and maybe he's blackmailing him. I don't know but something dodgy is definitely going on!

I tried to get hold of Tinsley on the radio to talk to him about the missing weird woman and the ridiculous appointment of making Harold deputy commander but I kept getting fobbed off and told by GRID that he was too busy.  I feel like I'm living in some sort of bizarre parallel world.

Right at this moment the whereabouts of a weird naked woman who goes from being infected to uninfected is unknown, and Harold Endo is Deputy Commander. WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON!?