Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 1158 - 1358

Entry 1185: Wednesday 25th December 2019

Entry 1185
Wednesday 25th December 2019

What an eventful Christmas Day, and sadly not for only enjoyable reasons!

The first half of the day was rather pleasant. Naomi came round in the morning with Sophie. Me, Mum, Auntie Meryl and Naomi watched Sophie and Leo playing on the rug and opening their presents. It was really nice. For a brief moment it was like we weren't living in an apocalypse. Ash wasn't there. He didn't turn up in the morning and he didn't turn up for dinner. Naomi said that there's something going on with him and that no matter how much questioning she fires at him he either snaps at her, stays silent or tells her to mind his own business. "Do you want me to talk to him?" asked Mum, "We did used to work together." "There's no point Lynn," said Naomi, "He's being a proper moody sod. Leave him to it." "It's a shame the poor sod is having Christmas Day on his own instead of being with his family," said Auntie Meryl. I don't think he is on his own," said Naomi, "I think he's gone to see Helen." I wasn't happy hearing this. "He's ditched us to go and see Helen?" I angrily said, "On Christmas Day. Well, that's nice." "Maybe Ash and Helen are shagging each other," said Mum. "Mum not in front of the kids!" I exclaimed. "What's this?" asked Auntie Meryl, "Ash and Helen having it off it front of the kids? Disgusting. Tell that brother of yours to behave himself Naomi." Naomi was about to try and clarify things with Auntie Meryl when I stopped her. "Don't bother," I said, "It'll be too much hard work." "Well, whatever is or isn't going on with Ash and Helen, it's between the two of them," said Mum. "Yeah, but why does he have to be all mysterious and moody about it?" I said, "Why didn't he bring her round here instead of abandoning us for her? Doesn't he want to spend time with his family?" "Luke, stop moaning," said Naomi, "Yes, it's a shame, but Ash does what he wants to do."

We carried on talking and watching the kids playing together, and we were all enjoying the day when all of a sudden it started snowing. Look," said Auntie Meryl, "It's snowing." "It's snowing!?" exclaimed Mum, "Really? Outside?" "Well, it doesn't snow inside does it, you silly cow?" said Auntie Meryl. "Oh, a white Christmas," said Mum, "How lovely. Come on. We can go outside and build a snowman." We put the kids in their coats and then the four of us put our own coats on and we walked into the back garden as the snow came down heavily. "A white Christmas," I said, looking up at the sky, "It's quite nice, isn't it?" "Only on a postcard," said Auntie Meryl, "In real life it's a bl**dy nightmare. Roads close. Shops close. Schools close. You get black ice, and your central heating bill goes through the roof. One year my old friend Betty Crack told me that her heating was on so often, it went through the roof." "She had an expensive bill, did she?" asked Naomi. "No, I mean her heating went through the roof," said Auntie Meryl, "She left the gas on, and that mixed with some faulty central heating, blew the roof off her house. Mind you, it wasn't all bad. The council put her in a downstairs flat with two bedrooms and built-in wardrobes. She lived below some lesbians and her postman was a foreigner but we all have crosses to bare."

All of a sudden Mike appeared bursting out of the shed doorway. His torso was covered in blood and he fell in a heap on the floor. "What the Hell!?" gasped Naomi, as she ran towards Mike. "Oh God," I said, rolling my eyes, "Auntie Meryl, take the kids inside." "That's Mike," said Mum. "What's he doing in our shed?" asked Auntie Meryl. "What's he doing covered in blood?" exclaimed Mum. "Will you two please go inside and let me and Naomi deal with this!?" I firmly said. "Deal with what?" asked Mum, "Do you know something about what's going on?" "I might do," I said, "Look, just take the kids inside and I'll be back in, in a minute."

Mum and Auntie Meryl took Leo and Sophie inside and I joined Naomi who was stood over a blood covered Mike. "I knew this would get out of hand," I angrily snapped at Mike, "Are you OK?" "I'm fine," said Mike, "It's not my blood. It's... Well... You know." "Well, I don't know," said Naomi, "If it's not your blood then who's is it?" Silence fell as Mike and I exchange awkward looks. Luke what's going on?" asked an angry Naomi, "Do you know something about this?" "Yes," I said, giving a depressing sigh, "I suppose it's time to tell the truth." "The truth about what!?" exclaimed Naomi, "What is Mike doing in your shed, and bursting out covered in blood!?" "Just let me explain," I said. A muffled groaning sound was heard coming from the shed. "Is someone in there!?" gasped Naomi. At that moment Mia turned up. She appeared right next to me with a curious look on her face. "Hiya," she said, "Merry Christmas. I heard a noise and saw you out here. Don't worry I didn't tell my dad. He's at GRID HQ anyway." "Mia, do you know what's going on here?" asked Naomi. "Yeah," said Mia, "Luke wanted me to keep it a secret though." "He wanted you to keep WHAT a secret?" exclaimed Naomi. "The woman he's got hidden in the shed," said Mia. "I'm sorry!?" exclaimed Naomi. "No," I said, desperately trying to explain things to Naomi, "That's not how it sounds." "So, there isn't a woman in the shed?" asked Naomi. "Well," I said, "Err..." "Yeah there is," said Mia, "She's chained up." An awkward pause followed. "Sorry," said Naomi, "But I think someone needs to explain to me exactly what's going on?" "Well, it's a bit hard to explain," I said. "Try!" snapped an angry Naomi. Mike and I exchanged awkward looks. This angered Naomi, so she barged past us, opened the shed door, quickly peered inside and then returned to the garden and slammed the shed door shut. She didn't look happy. "Luke," she bluntly said, "Do you want to tell me why there is a naked woman hidden and chained up inside your shed?" "Mike said it was a wedding surprise," said Mia. "Sorry?" said a blunt Naomi, "Mike has got Luke a naked woman as a wedding surprise?" No, it's not like that," I said. "Well, what is it like!?" exclaimed Naomi. "Luke said she was wild," said Mia, "She had him pinned up against the wall rubbing her noo noo on him yesterday." "What!?" exclaimed an angry Naomi. "Mia, will you shut up!?" I angrily snapped, "You're not helping. Naomi, let me explain. I know this looks bad, and I know she's naked but have you seen the state of her face!?" "My God!" gasped Naomi, "You're unbelievable! You expect me to be OK with you hiding some naked woman in your shed that you've clearly been shagging because she's ugly!? Unbelievable! You sound just like TJ! Jesus, Luke, you do this on Christmas Day! We're supposed to be getting married next week. Who is this little slut!?" "We don't know her name," said Mike, "I just picked her up and brought her here." "You don't even know her name!?" exclaimed Naomi, "My God what sort of men are you?!" "Naomi," I said, "I..." "So let me get this right," said Naomi, "Mike picks up some random whore, and chains her up naked in your shed so you can go in there when you feel like it and let her rub her f*nny on you, as some sort of weird wedding present!" "Well, I suppose it's more creative than a toaster," said Mia. "THAT'S NOT WHAT'S HAPPENING!" I loudly said. I grabbed gold of Naomis hand, opened the shed door and dragged her inside. "LOOK!" I loudly said, pointing at the naked woman sat on the upturned box and this time showing that she had blood around her mouth, "SHE'S... SHE'S... SHE'S...." "She's infected," gasped Naomi. "No," said Mike, "She's not infected. Well not fully. There's something wrong with her but I don't think she's properly infected. I was trying to talk to her and she just started coughing up blood." "OK," said Naomi, "What's going on? Who is she? Where is she from? What do you mean not properly infected?"