Drama Queen // Otto Hightower // Thea Queen

29. Drowning in Emotions

Thea. Fucking. Hated. It. 

She'd hoped facing her own mother would make the other emotions fade away, leaving her with just one, but she was wrong she felt them all stronger. Oliver saw it, the longer Moira stayed. 

As soon as Oliver saw Thea's disappointment, it shifted to anger, bleeding away to sadness, slipping from her weak grasp, getting lost in the storm of her own madness and misery all over again. It left Thea exactly where she started. She wanted to slam her fists on the table and scream.

Oliver noticed Thea wearing the baggiest of clothes, sweaters hiding her figure entirely. He noticed her not eating and sinking deeper into depression. As though she wasn't already body conscious enough. Moira set off all Theas bad habits.  

 She wanted to demand that Moira leave, wanted to demand that everyone that was not family she actually liked. Wanted to hold onto Lottie and ignore the rest of the world. 

Emotions piled on top of others that bubbled up from a place Thea had been shoving down, down, down. Emotions Thea had never dealt with. Emotions Thea had no clue how to handle. They almost swallowed her whole. 

Otto held onto Thea as  she drowned in her emotions. He had seen the parchment on the table, with measurements. Then he understood. 

"Have you eaten today?" Otto questioned gently.

"Yeah." Thea said unconvincingly. 

"Oh, well I was hoping you and I could have our supper together, I feel like I havent seen much of you since your mother arrived." Otto offered. 

"I'm not really hungry." Thea corrected. "I'm just tired." 

"Of course, of course... tea maybe?" Otto offered.

"Sure." Thea agreed but she wrapped an arm around his stomach and didnt let him go. Lottie cried out and Otto got up bringing her to Thea. Lottie quickly sucked her teat dry and whimpered out still hungry. Thea's distant gaze shifted to lottie. 

If I dont eat, Thea thought miserably as Lottie pinched at her nipple annoyed. I dont make milk to her. She cant grow strong and she will be weak like me Thea thought as Lottie whimpered, pinching and slapping at her chest. 

"I'm sorry baby." Thea whispered. 

Part of Thea wanted to give in, to lash out and let someone else pick up the pieces. But it would be too big, too messy to pick up all the pieces of her sanity and composure. 

So, instead Thea took a deep breath and shoved her emotions back with the promise that she would most certainly deal with them... never. Always never when it came to her mother. It was just that never always seemed better than Thea opening her pandora's box of emotions and unleashing the Kraken and admitting all her paralyzing fears and inability to control them to the man she loved, the man she wanted to be her best self for. 

+

"Good," Moira agreed when she looked Thea over. Thea wore the dress Moira had picked out, didnt fuss with her hair and Moira was ready to introduce Thea as a mother for all her friends to dote over, once she was perfect to moiras preferences of perfect. 

"Dont slump." Moira hissed. 

"Lady Theadora you look wonderful..." Thea tried to smile but she didnt have the energy. "Oh, Theador, you should take it as a compliment. If I were you, I would be more confident."

"Yes. You're lucky that you're pretty."

"My confidence lives on a tightrope." Thea corrected. "And suddenly im afraid of heights."

"Lady Thea, I'm sorry but little Lottie doesnt want the wet nurse, she refuses." A handmaiden remarked. 

"I swear," Moira was shouting, "the staff at Old Town are simply horrendous. They dont know how to do anything."

 "Um... yes... I will just--" Thea tugged at her dress itching at her scalp. She felt a bundle of nerves. 

"Thea doesnt look right." Clayton remarked and Otto glanced across the great hall. "And I dont like this shirt, it's itchy." 

"I know, I'm sorry." Otto admitted. "I was just trying to make Moira happy so that she might... leave."

"Just kick her out pops." Adrian demanded. "She's a monster. Hot mom Thea is a mess. Be the man pops. Be the man."

"Yeah, I hated everything about that outfit Monster Moira picked." Roy added. "Get rid of her before she takes away all of your food with flavor and as us eating nothing like she did with Thea."

"Theadora stop fussing." Moira demanded but kept a fake smile on her face. 

"Why are you obsessed with your appearance?"

Im not thea wanted to scream but she held her tongue. Her mother was obsessed with theas appearance. 

"Did you change your hair? Did you lose a little weight?

"You should keep it up because it really looks great."

Thea hated that She Always looked her best according to the world, according to her mother, when she was dying on the inside.

"I had a baby." Thea corrected and she got the round of awes. 

"How old?" 

"Almost three moons." Thea answered softly. 

"Wow, you look so great, you would never know." 

"Excuse me... I miss my daughter." Thea rasped turning away.

"Thea, the staff can handle her." Moira corrected. 

"They could." Thea agreed. "But she is my baby."