We are going to see this story from the perspective of Kashi Princess Amba who longed to marry King Shantanu and Ganga Putra Bhism but was brutally rejected by him for several times. What will happen if a 21st century girl, student of Psychology, su...
"I hate this life. I want to be a man. A man. I want to be the cause of Bhism's death. Being a woman it's impossible once again. I will kill myself." She was sobbing hard clutching her knees. Her two brothers Satyajit and Dhumna now both were trying to console her.
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"Behen (sister), don't loose your heart. Your a boon from Lord Shiva himself. You should not find yourself helpless." Her eldest brother Satyajir tried to assure her.
Dhumna looked worried too. He also loved his elder sister very much. He now wanted to be her comfort too. But how he did not know. His father cunningly created a division among his children by preferring Draupadi and Dhrishtradheumna among four of them. It was not the case that he or his younger sister Draupadi did not love their elder siblings but due to the fear of their father they did not try to convey their feelings a bit. This was the reason of his dilemma.
"I want to die, Bhratashree (brother)." She screamed aloud while stomping her hands in the floor in frustration. Blood started to pour out like rainfall buy she did not flinch a little. She was used to pain in her previous birth as Amba.
"Jiji, we are with you. Nothing can happen to you." Dhumna opened his mouth this time to assure her.
She looked at him with gratitude. "Thanks." She whispered gently. Both of her siblings nodded their heads in unison. They had realized her pain. ...
"Dhumna, don't let her stay alone. She is afraid of dark. Stay beside her. This is crucial night for her." Satyajit had instructed to his young sibling who was nodding his head in agreement. For the first time in his life his eldest brother wanted something from him. He had to give it to him.
Satyajit understood his thought and maintained in gentlest voice "I don't hate you or loath you a bit. Just I know that I am not a boon of God's. That's why I feel envy of you. Hope you will forgive me." By telling this he outstretched his hands to Dhumna who with blurred eyes took it.
"I don't care whether you hate me or not. I love, adore and respect you with my whole heart. You are my eldest brother, Bhratashree. How can I now misunderstand you?!!" Dhumna had replied to him truthfully.
The Crown Prince of Panchal, Satyajit, looked at his brother gratefully. He felt proud of his younger sibling. ....
That night Dhumna guarded his sister Shikhandini's quarter fiercely. He was in doubt that in her distorted mental state she could do something unlikely. But after midnight he got asleep by somehow. He fell asleep while he was standing upright. His eyes got closed for some times.
Shikhandini was stark awake till then. She was afraid to go back to sleep. She then slowly tiptoed out of her private chamber. Dhrishtradhumna was now sleeping while standing. His head was at his chest. He was snoring sweetly.
Shikhandini looked at his direction. She wanted to touch his forehead with affection for the last time before going but she controlled her urges to do that. She was going to die. Not to hunting. She was determined not to come back again. Her life is turned upside down. She lost her meaning of leaving. She felt dejected, defeated and dead inside. She was going to burn herself down. Once more.
She slowly came out of the palace of Kampilya. And went straight to an open playground area. Then one by one she jotted down broken leaves, tree tracks and trees. She decorated a pyre to sat down upon it. ...
Bhism's POV :
Years passed by. Days comes and go. Weeks are passing on the blue. But I am still standing in the same corner of my road. My promise to own my dead father is still unfinished and totally unfulfilled. Dhritashtra and his 100 sons, especially that brute imprudent and arrogant Duryodhan is unworthy of his throne. I can't let Duryodhan be the Crown Prince of Hastinapur. But I feel so helpless. What can I do?!!! The mighty King of Hastinapur will never listen to me. He detests me and Vidur for our wise warnings. Amba's curse is fulfilling over me.
Amba!!! Why this name still evokes some memory in my heart??!! Why I still imagine her face everytime I go to sleep?!! Why she is still hunting me in my dreams?!! God!! Can't I be ever forgiven by her?!! I can't even live now. Nor can die peacefully. I can't smile now nor can cry. The throne of Hastinapur had chained me. This kind of chain of burden can be lifted only with my death. But I am old now. My shoulders are not able to take this kind of burden anymore. Mother had stopped to talk with me long time ago. Since that day when she came to give me Amba's news of death, she never came back to me. Only once except when I mistook that Pandavas were dead in Barnabas. She left me alone. Father left me alone. Mata Satyabati had left me alone. So also my dearest twin brothers Bichitravirjya and Chitrangad along with my dearest nephew Pandu. God help me!! How much deaths I have to endure?!!!
Amba!! Devi Amba!! Please come back to me!!! At least forgive me once!!! Kill me in your hands. I am ready for that. I had committed a sin. I need to die for that. No time to repent. ....
"Swami (husband), stop her. She is doing the same thing once more." Mata Parvati pleaded to her husband.
Lord Shiva pressed his lips together and smiled brightly. He lifted his both eyes in complete silence. They had conveyed some message to her. They assured her. Then by lifting his both hands in Air he vanished.
Mata Parvati smiled a little. She had sighed in relief. Now Amba would not die so soon on this life. Not more. ....
She stood tall on the burning pyre. On both of her hands were two burning candles. Her left leg was kept on her own right knees. Her flesh of the right leg toe was burning down greatly. She felt a scorching pain in it but did not want to lower another leg instead of it. She closed her eyes tightly. Tears were running down heavily from her eyes and they flooded her cheeks. Her hair was flying on the gentle Breeze of the cool air yet her forehead was now sweaty. The hotness of fire of pyre was burning her impurities. She was now engrossed in enchanting the Mantra with her whole heart -
Suddenly a massive beautiful rainbow had appeared before her head. She heard a sweet manly voice calling for her at the next moment -
"Utho Putri. Jago. Main agaya hoon. (Come on, daughter, wake up. I have to come to you.)"
Who could be that?!! With a deepest frown on face she flipped to open her eyes one by one very slowly. With a gasp she noticed that none but Lord Shiva was smiling before her.
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