hoax | kaz brekker

nineteen. the night

"i had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. take me back to the night we met."
the night we met by lord huron

Nikolai, Tamar, Tolya and The Crows all waited outside of the fort, breathing in relief and basking in the sunshine. The absence of the Fold reminded them of how wide the sky truly was. Then, over the hill, Alina and Mal walked arm in arm. The Sun Summoner's eyes immediately met those of the Bastard of the Barrel's. Hopeful. But her expression slowly dropped as she shook her head at him. He immediately knew. They all did.

As Inej and Nina crested the hill too, Kaz and Jesper's hearts dropped at the sight of Malakai between them. They held her up in their arms as she stumbled on her feet. She was pale and her hair had returned to honey blonde, the remnants of her father long gone. Nikolai immediately rushed forward, taking his little sister from them and carefully laid her on the grass.

"Have you finally changed your virtues?" Malakai laughed.

Nikolai laughed too, kneeling down beside her.
"You're just like mother when she was younger. I searched for you too, you know? I searched for a long time. The palace was far too quiet without you. I wish I could go back to when times were simpler, when we would take sweets from the kitchens and hide in the bath tub. You will always be that little girl to me."

"I will always be her. I wish I remembered more of that time" She frowned. "But you take care of yourself alright? Take care of mother."

"I will." He smiled sadly, shifting away from her to make room for the Crows.

Nina grabbed her hand, tears springing into her eyes. "You did good, kid. I'm proud of you."

Wylan sniffled as he held her other hand. "I won't forget your kindness, Malakai. No one will."

She smiled at both of them, her eyebrows furrowing together. It was in that moment that she realised just how much she was leaving behind. But, in each person, she too left a part of herself.

"Hello, my dear Phantom." Jesper smiled down at her despite the tears welling in his eyes, pulling her head off the ground onto his lap. He gently brushed out her ruffled hair.

"Hey, Jes." She smiled weakly.

"You've always been so stubborn." The gunslinger laughed through his tears. "Always throwing yourself into danger for us."

She laughed too. "That's my job, isn't it?"

Inej smiled at her, nodding her head. Silent tears flowing down her face. The Suli girl pulled Malakai's hand to her lips. "Who is supposed to protect us now?"

"You're just as good at protecting us as I am, Inej. I'll always be watching your back, no matter where I may be. That's what sisters are for." Malakai smiled.

"Thank you for everything. Sankta Malakai. May you tread lightly on your next journey." Inej signed to her, grief shaking her body. She didn't want to say goodbye to the one she called her sister. Not like this. She wished she had said more, done more.

Jesper signed to her too. "Please don't go quietly, Malakai. You've been quiet for far too long"

Malakai didn't know how to respond. She smiled sadly at her best friend, stroking his cheek.
"You made me feel heard, Jes"

Jesper laughed tearily. "You're the best of all of us. You're the heart of this crew. Of this family. I'll miss you like hell, my dear Malakai"

The Bastard of the Barrel let go of his cane and his knees met the ground harshly, gently taking her from Jesper and cradling her in his arms. Malakai's breath was shallow and shaky.

"Nina, do something! Please!" Kaz looked frantically around at his friends. But they all just watched on in heartbreak, leaning into each other. "Why aren't any of you doing anything!?"

"Kaz..." Malakai raised her shaking hand to his cheek, stopping him. He sighed further into her touch. "It's okay..."

He was crying now, and he made no attempt in hiding it. He made a promise and he was wrong. Looking into those warm honey eyes, he saw his entire world. There was no one else.

"No..."

"It's okay... I'm here now. I promised you I'd come back." Her voice shook as she cried. Kaz shook his head slowly. Taking his gloves off, he lightly wiped her tears away with his thumb. "I'm not scared anymore..."

"Don't go, Kai." He whispered, pleading with her. Pleading with the Saints. Pleading to anyone who would listen. "Don't go somewhere I cannot follow."

"I won't be far"

"You'll be too far. Who will I be without you? I can't do this without you."

"You can. You have before..."  Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. "I wanna go home, Kaz."

"It's okay... We're going home now. We're going home." He spoke quietly, only to her. His voice shook as his tears fell heavy. "I'll come find you, okay? Every time."

"I'll wait for you, Kaz." Malakai's eyes drifted shut with a sigh of relief. "Every time."

To the Crows, it looked like she was just sleeping. And with that sight came a small sense of comfort. That the Phantom, Malakai, could finally rest after the heavy life she had been dealt. That her shoulders would no longer ache with the burden.

Pulling Malakai's face to his, Kaz's tears flowed down onto her cheek. She was slipping away like sand in his fingers and he couldn't do anything to stop it. It felt like she had disappeared just as quick as he had found her. Like the flap of a butterfly's wing. He sobbed quietly as he tucked her hair away, gently tracing between her freckles with his fingers. No one else mattered to him. No one else ever will.

"I will always be for you, Malakai. Always."

When Malakai opened her eyes she was sat on the balcony again on that rainy night in Ketterdam.
She saw the night sky stretched out in front of her, endless and welcoming. The drops of rain fell light against her skin, easing the ghostly ache in her chest. A warm hand slipped into hers, guiding her through the cold.