hoax | kaz brekker

fifteen. heaven is a place

(malakai is partially non-verbal, so when dialogue is in italics it means that she or another character is using sign language.)

"i tell you all the time, heaven is a place on Earth with you."
video games by lana del rey

Malakai quietly entered the crypt, leaning against the doorframe. Kaz had his eyes set on piles and piles of notes scattered in front of him.

"You've been laying low?" He spoke without turning around.

"I've been laying low my whole life." She walked forward, leaning against the concrete block.
"I've been paying off debts. Visiting friends."

"You've been staying with Poppy."

"Yes. Doing some of their bidding. They helped you buy me out of the market. It's the least I could do. And I gave Rotty the rest of the money Baghra gave me."

"Why are you off repaying debts all of a sudden? Since when do you clean up the messes you make?"

"Because, Kaz, if something happens to me then I need to make sure I don't leave any unfinished business behind, that you'd probably have to deal with."

"Nothing will happen to you."

"That's what you said before, and yet Pekka Rollins had me in his grip. He was going to take me."

"But he didn't."

"But he could have. You're gambling with our lives here, Kaz. My life. This isn't just a game anymore. This is a war. And war means blood is going to be spilled." She paused, considering her next words carefully. "I should have gone with Alina."

"I gave you that option but you stayed anyway."

"Because I promised you I would come home. And I take promises seriously..."
Malakai pulled her half of the butterfly out of her pocket and placed it on the table in front of him. She stared deep into his eyes.
"And you promised me that you would protect me. But you weren't there. You weren't there when I needed you. You asked me, who watches my back when you're turned away? That night, with the Dime Lions? I found the answer. Me, Kaz, I watch my own back. I pull myself out of every situation. Every. Single. Time. Everything I do is for you. So, I'm sorry that I took the liberty of taking care of myself for once. That I'm making sure that I won't be a burden even after I die."

Malakai paused, her eyes wide in realisation. Cursing herself for letting her secret slip out so easily.

"After you die? What do you mean after you die?"

She shook her head and looked down at her boots. "It doesn't matter. I'm tired. I'm not making sense right now."

"No. You talk about my secrecy, but you've been keeping something from me since the Fold. I know it. I see it in your face every time you look at me. What happened with your father, Malakai? What did you do?" Kaz demanded.