Letting Go

Chapter Twenty

Jenna’s P.O.V

I followed behind Spencer quietly as he led me through the crowd and in the direction of the fire exit.

“This way.” He said holding the door open for me.

Not once did he release his hold on my hand, nor my heart.

Cheesy Jen, just cheesy.

“You okay?” He asked genuinely concerned.

“Yeah” I said nodding my head and continuing my walk up the stairs to the roof. We stepped into the open air on the rooftop where I began to shiver slightly.

“Are you cold?” He asked me searching my eyes for the second time tonight.

“A little.” I admitted holding my arms to my chest in attempt to warm myself up. Spencer began to pull his arms out of his suit jacket and draped it over my shoulders. For a second he just stared at me and I did the same trying to take in every inch of his gorgeous face. I don’t know what this is about; it could very well be his last goodbye.

I decided to break the ice a little because he certainly wasn’t going to speak up anytime soon.

“So is this where you kill me?” I laughed nervously. Classic joke right, right? Gosh why do I speak?
I turned around looking at my surroundings and then back to a still staring Spencer. At that moment my breath hitched in my throat. The way he was looking at me caused all the blood to rush to my cheeks. He let out a low chuckle and motioned for me to sit next to him on the edge of the roof.
“Have I mentioned you blush really easily?” His comment certainly didn’t help my red face situation. We sat there for a moment just staring out at the view, which was mainly an open field and a few scattered lights in the distance. I began to open my mouth to speak again but he abruptly put his for finger to my lips silencing me.

“Could you not talk, please? I know it’s hard for you Jen but I just really need to tell you this because if I don’t say this now I don’t think I ever will.” He said in one breathe.

This must be serious. I turned my body so that I was facing him completely giving him my full attention.

“Look Jen I know you think I’m an asshole for treating you the way I did” he began.

Yeah you think Spencer? Oh no why would you possibly think that? My thoughts are basically dripping with sarcasm right now.

Let him speak Jen. My inner voice tells me.

“And I know nothing can excuse the fact that I was super rude to you but I just want to explain everything.” Now he’s just stalling. Can he hurry it up?

“Look you know how close Caitlin and I were.” Of course I know, they were as thick as thieves.

“But when she got diagnosed” his words faltered a bit, he was obviously trying his best not to break down right now. He took a large gulp of air and continued speaking.

“When she got diagnosed I didn’t want to believe it, you know? I just didn’t want to think of a life without her. I guess at some point I had to wake up and realize that it wasn’t some sick joke someone was playing on me and I had to open my eyes to the reality that my sis was dying. And all I could think about was the fact that I had to be there for her, that was my job as her twin brother.” I noticed a lone tear roll down his cheek but he swiftly wiped it away.

“I just wanted to be her hero, you know? Save her from the dark and scary ‘oblivion’ as they like to call it.” He said with a slight cynical tone.

“But I couldn’t.” he said staring down at his hands placed on his lap letting a few more tears roll down his now wet cheeks. I took a hold of his hands with my one and gently wiped away his tears with my other. He looked up at me and began speaking again.