Letting Go

Chapter Three

'Yeah, why not' I responded.
He showed up by my side in his car.

"Get in" he said.
I did as instructed and closed the door. "So are we going to see Caitlin or do you wanna go somewhere else?"

"To Caitlin please" I said sweetly considering he was giving me a lift.

“Look at you, acting all sweet. Are you feeling okay?” he said jokingly putting his hand onto my forehead feeling for a temperature. I swatted his hand away letting out a small giggle. “Just drive Lachowski”
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We walked through the hospital parking lot in silence until I heard myself ask "Why were you so serious yesterday?"

"When?" He asked confused

"When we were walking through here." I said

"I don't remember this" He said dismissing the topic.

"Never mind." I said as we approached the elevator doors.

The silence that filled the elevator ride to Caitlin’s floor was not awkward, in fact it was comfortable. Spencer and I haven’t really hung out in a while, other than these visits. I’ve kind of missed this.

I walked into Caitlin’s room to find her sitting in the lazy-boy chair by her window staring out at the courtyard.

"Hey guurl" I said trying to do a Jersey accent.

"Hey" she said meekly.

"Hey little sis" Spencer said as he gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"How are you doing today?" He asked her.

"I'm fine" she said still looking out the window.

"Just a bit tired" she said shutting her eyes for a few extra seconds.

"Then why don't you sleep?" Spencer asked

"I can't fall asleep" she said as if rehearsed.

"Come on you must just try" Spencer tried to pull her to her feet.

"You think I haven’t tried. Spencer drop it, I have Cancer. It’s painful to talk, its painful to walk, it painful to sleep it’s just painful to live. Can you just go and come back another time. You too, Jenna." She reprimanded him.

I felt bad for the guy but I can understand where she was coming from. It’s just that no one knows what to do about this situation. You just feel so helpless

"I was just trying to help" he tried

"Well you can't, no one can help me. Not you, not mom, not even the doctors can help me" she interrupted

"I'm sorry" he started reaching for her hand but she pulled it back quickly.

"Just go, just go" she said turning back to the courtyard. He left the room quickly while I stood there not too sure what to do.

"Bye" I said eventually. But she didn't even look my way.

I walked out the hospital room. Spencer was nowhere to be seen.

"Spencer?" I called. No answer
I went out into the parking lot but his car was still there. Where was he?

"Spencer?" I called out again.

"Sshhh" I heard someone say. It came from above me. I looked up to find Spencer sitting on the roof of the hospital. He showed me to come upstairs. I climbed the fire exit stairway to the roof and went to sit next to him on the edge.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.
He just nodded. We sat there in silence for a while, until he spoke up.

“I just feel so helpless.” He said softly, looking down at the cars below us. Was this Spencer opening up to me? We don’t usually talk about this stuff and it’s not as if he’s telling me everything going through his head but at least it’s a start.