Roommates

What the Hell is Wrong With Me?

MIDORIYA'S POV

"Midoriya, come on," Todoroki said gently. "What happened at work?"

I don't want to tell him. I don't know if it's because I don't want to say it out loud or because I don't want to hear him tell me that I'm being ridiculous.

"I want to be left alone for a little while longer," I said loud enough for him to hear me on the other side of the door before digging my face into the pillow.

"That isn't going to happen. I love you, Midoriya, but you can be thick-headed sometimes. If you won't talk to me, you need to talk to your boyfriend."

Speaking of my boyfriend, he hasn't tried to contact me yet today. I thought he would be blowing up my phone until I came home or told him what was happening. Unless someone already did.

"Did you not take care of it already?" I asked. I know Bakugo. There was no way he would be this calm without hearing what had happened.

Todoroki was silent for a moment. "I didn't want him to worry about you. He does care about you, even if you don't believe it right now. Can you please tell me what happened?"

I didn't think about how worried Bakugo would have been. I won't admit it to Todoroki, but I'm glad they talked. My best friend knows me better than anybody else. He knew I wasn't going to call him on my own. I also probably would have ignored all of his calls. He's the one that convinced me to at least text him and tell him I was alright.

"Midoriya, please," he said quietly. His voice was low and sad, something I rarely heard. He wasn't the happiest person either, but he usually didn't sound sad like this.

I sighed into the pillow before rolling over. "Not through the door."

He pushed the door open slowly. He could have come barging in at any time since this is his room. But he decided to give me some space and slept in his brother Natsuo's room. He slowly walked to the bed and cautiously sat on the end.

He stayed silent, waiting for me to tell him what happened. "Shoji just felt the need to remind him that I forced him to be gay. I made him into something he wasn't, and I'm disgusting. You know, the usual." One day, Shoji will stop trying to bury himself so deeply that he might realize I didn't do anything other than help him figure out what he likes.

"I think he's still bi-sexual. He just needs someone else to blame because he doesn't understand or accept himself." He's not wrong, but it doesn't make what he says hurt any less. Shoji really did a number on my self-confidence, and I don't know if I'll ever get it back. All the times he hid me, made me feel stupid, made me hate myself--I'll never regain what I lost with him.

"What about the girl?" She was the one that fucked me up the most. I don't know too much about Bakugo's past love life. I have no idea if what she said is true or not.

A part of me is too scared to ask Bakugo because it might be true.

I sighed and pushed myself up to sit next to him on the edge of the bed. "She told me that Bakugo always leaves her when he finds someone else more interesting. He fools around with someone else for a while before inevitably going back to her."

He sighed and dropped his head to rest of my shoulder. "When I talked to him, I told him his ex said something to you. He asked me what ex. He's apparently never had an ex."

Wait, what? How has he never had an ex?

"You're the first person he's ever actually dated. He's never liked someone enough to put a label on the relationship." I tilted my head to rest on his. "I know you, and I know this isn't going to change your mind overnight. However, he does care about you, even if you don't believe it."

"How do you know that for sure?" I wish I had the confidence that he had. He might think someone can love me, but I don't see it. I'm pretty sure I'm meant for doomed relationships and terrible hook-ups for the rest of my life.

"He showed up here the last time you ran away from home." Technically, I didn't run away. He wanted me to leave. Although, now isn't the time to bring that up. He was still confused at that time and didn't know what he was feeling, and it still hurts to think about it sometimes. "He abandoned himself in a city he hates. He knew his worst enemy was here, but he didn't care. What he cared about was you."

That day started horrible, but it ended up being one of the best days of my life. That was when Bakugo realized he wasn't completely straight. It was the first time he kissed me. When I closed my eyes, I could feel the ghost of his lips on mine.

"He wouldn't have done that if he didn't care. However, nothing I say will change your mind or make you realize that. You need to feel what you're feeling, and I get that. Your feelings are completely valid." He set his hand on my knee and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"But I should still call him, huh?"

He nodded his head. "I'm going to go make something for dinner." He stood up slowly, pulling his hand away from my knee. "Please, call him."

I waited until he left the room before fishing around the bed for my phone. I eventually found it buried under one of the pillows.

Calling him was the last thing I wanted to do, but I knew I should. Since he figured out he was at least bi-sexual, he's been nothing but good to me. He's not Shoji, and I know that, but it's hard for me to remember that not every guy is like him. I know I'll be okay, but I'm not right now. My anxiety is at an all-time high, and I can't turn it off. I can't calm it down.

I let out a slow breath while my shaky fingers clicked on my boyfriend's contact. I hit the call button quickly and put the phone up to my ear. If I stared at his contact for too long, I would change my mind and not call him at all.

After the third ring, he answered the call. "Hey, are you okay?" Even though I just up and left, he didn't sound mad. He sounds worried.

"I'll be okay. I just need a little more time, is all." I paused and pondered my next words. If I say something stupid, there's no going back.

Before I could think of what to say, he said, "Ashido was jealous, by the way."

I let out a dry laugh. "Of what?"

"The fact that I care about you in a way that I'll never be able to care about her," he replied. "Izuku, baby, I care about you more than you'll ever know. I don't know exactly what your ex said, but I'll listen when and if you want to tell me."

"I'm not leaving you, but I need a little more time. I'm not in a good headspace mentally, and I don't want to put that burden on you."

He sighed. "You and how you feel is not a burden. Don't ever think that way." A loud bang echoed through the phone. He groaned and let out a few curse words.

"What are you doing?" Please don't be moving my stuff out of the apartment.

"Rearranging some stuff. Don't worry. I promise you'll like it."

Even though he said he was rearranging, my anxiety is still high. My brain keeps telling me he's moving my stuff out, even if that isn't the case. "I'm going to go."

"When will I hear from you again?" His broken voice almost broke me, which is only making my anxiety worse.

"Soonish," I said. "Have a good night."

"You too. Please, call me if you want to talk or anything. I don't care what time it is. I am always here."

"Goodnight," I mumbled before pulling the phone away from my ear and ending the call.

With Shoji, I could see the red flags flying everywhere. With Bakugo, I don't see them. All I see are green flags. Why am I fucking everything up? Why can't I just kick this anxiety and go home? What the hell is wrong with me?