find me

26. I can stop

A/N: Hey everyone! Welcome back to another episode of "Natalie and Bucky almost kill each other and then make out".

Yes, after many many MANY chapters we are finally getting some action between our traumatised lovebirds (please beware if sexual content triggers you!!). Also, another roller coaster of emotions... what can I say, I really like roller coasters.

However... unfortunately, there is a catch. I don't wanna spoil it, so I'll only say this: for this chapter's title I was conflicted between 'I can't stop' and 'self-sabotaging is a bitch'. *smirks wickedly at the screen* sooooo yeaaahh okay I hope you enjoy byeeee

~

28th September - Madrid, Spain

As Natalie woke up wrapped in her all too warm bedsheets, the remnants of a thought from her dreams lingered in her mind: of all the reasons she had to hate him, the strongest one in her heart was probably because she believed she loved him at some point, and he let her down.

A chill ran through her spine.

Great. An easy, not at all complex or problematic thought to start the day with. Apparently her brain woke up and chose violence.

As she went about her usual routine, her thoughts couldn't stop going back to how mad and incredibly turned on she had felt the night before. She tried to make sense of it but the more she thought about it, the angrier she got.

Lately her and Bucky couldn't be farther from each other, it felt like in a matter of months they went from knowing each other better than most people, to not at all. They had found each other so unexpectedly. They helped each other out of broken places, gave each other comfort. They both had rarely gotten so close to someone in such a short time, but falling had been a mistake. Maybe in another life they could have been friends, partners even; and maybe Bucky could pretend that there was no gravity in his words but Natalie knew better.

Because even two words, if said in the right way, could pull someone to the floor and through the layers of this earth right to its core quicker than gravity itself.

When it was good between them, it was absolute fire; but now all she could breathe was ash and dust. And enough was enough. She wasn't gonna let this man play with her as if she was some kind of toy that would come crawling back under his charm at the first nice thing he offered her.

She couldn't forget everything she had been feeling lately at the first attempt at reconciliation from him. Whatever had happened the night before didn't mean things were okay between them; because they weren't, or not for her at least. All she wanted was a night off, a moment without having to think about her problems and her fears, but he twisted it and turned it into something dangerous. Something wrong.

It felt good though.

Natalie shut that thought off as quickly as it rose. Now was not the time to focus on how good it felt. Because it was wrong to feel like this. Before, when she was still blissfully unaware of who the man in front of her actually was, she had tried to fight that feeling and it wouldn't go away; that she understood. She was taken by desire and yearned affection, but now, aware as she was and wise to his past half-truths, she could not allow herself to feel like this about him anymore.