find me

21. finally the truth

A/N: Hello again! Struggled to find time to write this but I finally finished it! One more chapter yayyyy, and things are getting more and more complicated so forgive me if things aren't immediately clear, hopefully they're clear enough to make sense lol. 

Spoiler alert, she's starting to hate him. I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully make her hate Bucky because... well, it's Bucky, there isn't much to hate. But slowly she will detach from him and resent him a lot. I feel like that's when she'll get the closest to truly hating him. 

And I know that sounds horrible BUT, it will also be a lot of fun because 1. sex is great when you hate someone, it is a scientific fact, and 2. enemies to lovers is truly my fave trope so I can't wait to start delving into that. 

In the meantime, here's finally the truth. 

Hope you enjoy!

~

Natalie laid restless on the tiny bed of the cold apartment. She couldn't sleep. The mattress of her bed was broken and noisy, every time she tried to gently shuffle in the sheets, all the springs underneath her would jingle and creak, making it impossible to even rest, let alone sleep.

The undying noise in her head didn't help either.

She couldn't stop thinking about the words shared between her and Bucky last night, and all of the events that led her to that moment. She knew she had pushed it. She knew he snapped that way only because she had been pushing a reaction out of him all day, but it still stung. She wanted him to get angry, so her own anger would be justified. She wanted him to tell her what she already knew. But there was something in the way that he did it that really hurt her, scared her. The way he had reacted perhaps, or the words he chose to use. Something about their interaction gave her less and less reasons to like him, at least not like she once used to, and she was planning on investigating what it was.

"I never lied." He had said that with such contempt, he must have hated being lied to. She pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes, pushing the pain, and maybe the tears that were threatening to come out, deep inside her skull. She felt shame, and embarrassment.

"I was sent to kill you." She should have run. She should have run far, far away from him after hearing that, but she didn't. She stayed, and ran away with him. Was it because of what she felt for him? Was it because she knew how hard it would be to run away again on her own? Or was it because she trusted him? 

But how could she trust him? He would have killed her, if he hadn't known who she was. He would have killed her. Bucky. The same guy that compassionately took her in his house when they barely knew each other. The same guy that slow danced with her in the peaceful dimmed lights of his living room. The same guy that pretends his eyes weren't watering every time they watched a sad movie together. The same guy that fought for her, made her feel so good and cared for... loved.

That same guy, her friend... would have killed her.

She couldn't wrap her head around it. How could someone be two completely different people, how could he play these two different parts and still be himself.