find me

24. goodbye, Widow

September 8th - Sevilla, Spain 

12:05

Natalie stared at the wall of the public restroom in front of her, a single tear falling down her cheek. The world screamed and shouted around her, her brain seemed on fire. Air was coming in and out of her lungs but she couldn't feel it, the lump in her throat and the knot in her stomach making it impossible for her to breathe. 

She heard a loud knock. 

"We need to go. The train for Madrid is leaving in ten."

She swiped the tear off her cheek and shut her eyes close. 

She wasn't fine. She wasn't okay. Not even a little bit. But this was survival, and she had promised her mom she was going to fight. Fight for peace.

A ridiculously ironic oxymoron. 

She hated it with everything she had.

But she promised. 

3 hours earlier

The landing was scarier than the lift-off. Natalie had managed to doze off on their way and in her sleep she dreamed about some Spanish intelligence sending a missile out before they could even touch European soil. 

Her only thought when she woke up was: what shame would it be to go all that way without being even able to say she walked on foreign grounds. If anything good had to come from this experience it was that she could now say she had been outside of the United States. She made it. 

Apparently, Bucky knew people everywhere. Two Spanish agents made sure they landed safely and even got them a truck with which they reached the outskirts of Sevilla. For a moment, as they drove through the beautiful streets of Sevilla, Natalie almost felt peaceful. Her mom's hand holding hers, an amazing scenery around her. A different country, a different continent, a whole new life to build. She almost felt free. 

Of course it didn't last long. As soon as they reached the safe house, Bucky sat both of them down to "have a talk".

As he started explaining, Natalie couldn't help the tears that left her eyes. She wanted to scream, shout at him, fight him on it, but the pain had seemed to numb her. She felt defeated. The only sign of suffering showing through her tears. 

Sofia scooted closer to her on the couch where they were both sat, she wrapped an arm over her shoulders. Slowly, she placed a gentle kiss on the side of her head, tears dancing at the corners of her eyes. 

"I'm sorry."

Natalie scoffed, another tear escaping from her long lashes. "Yeah, I'm sure you are."

Bucky's eyes hardened at her response, his mouth shut in a tight line. 

"It'll be fine. We'll see each other soon." Sofia murmured against Natalie's hair, hugging her side a bit tighter.

"Six months. You'll be gone six months." Natalie's voice got louder as she spoke, suddenly finding anger where earlier there was nothing but a dull feeling. "That's not soon. We won't be able to communicate. For six fucking months. You don't have that type of training, you don't know if they'll find you and if they do you won't be able to protect yourself. I- I won't be able to protect you. And I want to. I want to protect you. If you leave then, I won't- I won't know if you're alright, or if- if you need help or- or..." A sob left her lips as she stared down at her feet. "You'd be alone- alone, how do you not-"