find me

20. you had no right

Rain poured outside of Maria's tiny apartment, heavy drops landing on the roof and the trees outside of the windows. Natalie sat on the sofa, eyes lost in the window facing the trees outside the house. A documentary played on the TV on the other side of the living room, behind her back.

Cheetahs are known as solitary, daytime hunters. Sunset was thought to signal the end of their activity. But this hungry cheetah is just getting started. What she does after dark has never been filmed. Until now. The elegant feline is heading out on night patrol. Only the stars in the sky, the full moon and the Maasai villages show that it's night. She has been looking for a good prey for a few days, now. Will she need the help of her gang to better defend her territory or will she able to take on a large prey by herself?

Natalie measured carefully the time with which she drew each breath, counting the seconds it took her to fully exhale the air in her lungs until there was nothing left. She didn't know if it was an instinctive reflex of her brain, helping her cope with the overflow of emotions she was experiencing, or if it was merely I way to distract herself, focus on something that wasn't fear.

This wasn't real, she thought, how could it be? What had become of her, this life filled with uncertainty and danger, it wasn't real, it couldn't be. This was the kind of stuff nightmares are made of, not real life.

It wasn't real.

"Nat."

His voice sounded so far away, she could barely hear it in the back of her mind, her thoughts lost somewhere in between dream and memories.

With hunger only growing, desperate to feed, the cheetah is driven to hunt deep into the night. She is the gang's most accomplished hunter, she can sprint over a 100 km/hour. But she needs light to see her prey. Her speed is explosive, but only over short distances. She must get close. Normally, the darkness would cover her moves, hiding her from the always vigilant eyes of her preys, but tonight, the full moon shines bright on the Savannah, exposing her.

"Nat, we need to go."

Bucky moved in front of the TV and turned it off. He stood there for a moment and looked down at her across the room.

"Nat, please."

His tone was impatient, desperate almost. She knew she had to move, eventually, but not yet. Not just yet. She needed a moment to make sense of it in her head. It had been so long since that night. Her perception of the world and who she was in it changed forever, marked by that one indelible night. Because that's all it took, one night, for her whole world to crumble down in a million pieces. It felt like a thousands years had passed, and yet it was still so vivid and clear in her head. She remembered everything like it happened yesterday. She was only fifteen. A child, in many people's eyes. Except she wasn't, not truly. Forced to mature at a young age in order to survive the darkness that surrounded her. She could picture him, standing there in her parents bedroom, frantically throwing clothes in a backpack, a glacially serious expression on his face. He didn't look at her, not when he was counting the stack of cash he had hidden beneath the mattress; not when he was quickly scribbling an insignificant note to her mom and then left it on the kitchen counter; not even when he gave her a hug, whispered a cold 'I love you' and left. He hadn't turned around, not once. Nat went to take the note as soon as he stepped out of the door, slamming it carelessly behind him.

It read: "Don't look for me. Don't call me. Think me dead."

She hadn't thought about that note in a long time. She could still see the nervous shaky handwriting on the wrinkly yellow paper, she hated the fact that she remembered it so vividly. He wasn't a great father, but he was the only father she had. And that night he left a void in her life, and in her heart, that she was never really able to fill.