Choosing A Commander

Bend

Kyla POV -

I couldn't tear my eyes from the ceiling of Commander Ren's Silencer as I lay in bed next to him. The events of the night before were on repeat in my head even as I tried to forget them but just couldn't. Guilt weighed on my stomach like a rock and even though I slept well after I got myself off, I was still exhausted. All I wanted was to close my eyes and wake up in my bed back on the base. Or for Poe to be the one next to me. I just couldn't justify what I had done to myself, there was no excuse. And in my mind, I had cheated on my boyfriend, plain and simple.

A groan came from beside me and I turned my head to stare at the back of the Commander's helmet. Thoughts raced through my mind as I watched his shoulders move. I could tell that he wasn't asleep anymore even if he wasn't trying to get up. And as I watched him pretend to sleep it was as if my skin was on fire from the anger I felt. And I wondered if he had been asleep at all last night.

Looking away from his I glanced around the small space and wondered why the fuck he had put such a big bed. Disgust rolled over me as I thought about everything he must have done in this bed with all kinds of women. I was sure plenty of First Order officers wouldn't deny him either out of fear or hope for a promotion. Or maybe those girls just had a kink for masks and murderers.

"Commander?"

"Hmm." His sleepy moan came through his helmet as he lay in the bed with his back to me.

"Have you fucked a lot of girls in this bed?"

"No."

"Oh."

"I don't fuck girls. I fuck women." Commander Ren scoffed from behind me.

"Smart ass." I looked over my shoulder at the Commander as I sighed in annoyance at him. "Then have you fucked a lot of women in this bed?"

"No. I've never fucked any women in this bed."

"Men?"

"No. Now go back to sleep."

I didn't want to sleep anymore. I was completely awake now so I rolled over and carefully swung my legs out to the edge of the bed. Pushing my body up slowly I gauged the strength in my legs as I attempted to stand up for the first time since yesterday. I had to pee so bad I felt like I was going to burst before I made it to the refresher. But it didn't dawn on me that I was still naked until I was already at the refresher door. When I looked over my shoulder Commander Ren still had his back to me as light snores came from his helmet.

After relieving myself and washing my hands I walked into the cockpit and sat down in the pilot's chair. The sun was just coming up over the hills and the sky was streaked with pinks, oranges, and purples. It was one of the most beautiful sunrises I have ever seen so I sat down in the cockpit and enjoyed it while it lasted.

Seven was still charging in the corner and the Commander was finally dead asleep, but somehow I didn't feel alone. I also didn't feel frightened like I had over the last week. I knew that I was safe even though I had literally just slept next to my greatest enemy. My enemy who had taken the time to bathe me when I was paralyzed from butterfly venom. And my enemy who had made a delicious meal for me after he saved me from the giant spiders.

I was confused and frustrated with myself as I pulled my legs up until my feet were planted on the seat I sat in. Resting my chin on my knees I kept my focus on the sunrise as it moved up the horizon and tried not to think about yesterday or last night. Last night had been a mistake and one I could never repeat. Shame washed over me as I remembered the orgasm that came from thinking about the Commander in such a way. His smell filled the small space of this ship and I couldn't decide if I hated it or not.