My Wildest Dreams

Chapter Thirteen

Dawson's POV

Fury flowed through my veins as I watched Harper drive away. Every fiber of my being wanted me to chase her, to make her see that this decision wasn't going to be something that I came to lightly. But I knew when not to push her. I knew that going to her now, caching her and forcing her to hash this shit out, was only going to make her lash out and put more distance between us, maybe even force her to say things that she didn't really mean.

Shoving the fury I was feeling down, I walked back to my truck, suddenly feeling how tired I really was. And it was a bone deep, don't-know-how-much-more-of-this-I-can-take kind of tired, making me feel as if I was 74 versus 34.

After dad dropped his bomb last night, I'd worked at the shop doing everything that I could to take my mind off the choice that I had to make.But all the work in the world hadn't helped. Neither had the representative that called and offered me the job. The amount of money that they were prepared to offer me was way more than I could ever make working on the farm. I'm talking about the type of money that would make sure that my future wife and kids would never want for anything, the kind of money that no one in my family had ever dreamed of making. No, it wasn't up there with what I could have made as an MLB pitcher, but it was definitely a salary that I could live comfortably –if not extravagantly by my definition– with. But all the money in the world was pointless if I was miserable and had no one to share it with.

Dad's words from last night replayed in my head. "I'd marry the girl that set my heart on fire and be happy with what life gives me. Baseball is fun and all but having the woman you love by your side through all life's ups and downs is funner. It sure worked out for me."

"I don't know what the hell the old man meant when he said that but I'm sure as shit about to find out." I said to myself as I climbed into my truck and headed towards home.

When I pulled in the drive, Dad was outside in the garage tinkering on the mower. Mom may have him on light duty but that didn't mean the old man was going to just sit around and watch afternoon tv and pretend that he was anything but the man that loved nothing more than to work with his hands.

"Hey Dawson, give me a hand here." he yelled as soon as I hopped out of the truck.

"Only if you promise to tell me just what the hell you meant last night." I said, walking over to him. He and I both knew that whether he promised anything or not, I was still going to help him. It was just who I am and how I was raised.

"Hold the deck up so I can get this carter key in." he said, not even lifting his head.

Even though I wanted nothing more than to get straight to asking all the questions I had, I did as he said and held the deck. Within seconds, Dad had the carter key locked in place.

"Thanks." said Dad, leaning back in his chair and wiping his hands on his dirty work pants. "Now what is it that I had to promise to explain?"

"Last night, you said that you would choose the woman you loved over anything. I kind of got the impression that you were speaking from experience." I asked, sitting down onto one of the five-gallon buckets in the garage.

"Because I do." he said, deadpanned.

"Care to explain?"

"Well, years ago, I was just like you. Loved baseball more than I loved anything else in life. But unlike you, I didn't leave the state to go off to play."

"Yeah, I know. You wanted me to go to Croatan just like you did." I said, referring to the university in Murfreetown.

"I did. But I let you choose your own path in the end." said Dad, lifting his bottle of water –another stipulation from mom– to his lips before continuing. "Anyways, what you don't know is that there was a recruiter at one of the last games I played. He recruited for the St. Louis Cardinals. He offered me a job that day. Said I could start training camp the following week."

"Why did you never tell us about this?" My interruption earned me a warning glare from dad. "Sorry."

"I never told you all about it because it wasn't worth telling. Plus, anytime I talk about it, your mom is reminded of me giving up something that I wanted." said dad, shaking his head. "Even after all these years of marriage, the woman seems to think that I made the wrong decision in choosing a life with her and not taking the chance on baseball."

"Still ain't said why you chose mom." I said as I walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer, offering one to dad. He shook his head no.

Dad waited until I was sitting again to continue. "When I thought about what my life would look like with your mom versus what it would look like playing pro-ball, it was simple. I loved baseball but it didn't love me; Your mom did. Baseball might have made me happy for a moment but your mom has made me happy for 35 years. Baseball would have never given me the life that I have now. Sure, it would have given me things that I might have only ever dreamed of but there is one thing that money can't buy you; and that's happiness. And make no mistake, the past 35 years of being married to your mom have been the happiest of my life. That is not to say that we haven't had our ups and downs. It wouldn't be life if we didn't. But if there was ever one thing I know I did right in all my years, it's the decision I made to stay here with your mom and live a beautiful life with her. I mean just look at what we have built. We have a successful farm, a beautiful home, good friends, our health, faith in God, and two boys that make me more proud of them everyday. I really don't know what more a man could ask for."

"They're offering me $500,000.00 a year." I said, tossing the number out that I'd been offered.

"How many years on the contract?"

'Five. With the promise of a ten percent raise every year for the life of the contract."

"Shit, I can see why you're struggling." he said, sitting up in his chair. "Where are you landing on this?"

"It's good damn money, no denying that. But like you said, money can't buy happiness and my happiness is sitting at her house right now, claiming to want to put distance between because she feels that she will influence my decision." I said standing so quickly that the bucket I'd been sitting on fell over, crashing against the concrete floor.

"She thinks you will resent her if you stay." said dad, matter-a-factly.

"Yeah. And what scares me is that even though right now I would never blame her, who's to say that I won't someday in the distant future?"

"That's just one of life's many unanswered questions, son. If we knew the consequences of everything in life, we wouldn't learn any lessons." said dad, standing from his chair and walking towards the back door of my childhood home.