miracle [N. SEBASTIAN]

"the break up."

[</3]

the rain hit the windshield as I drove through the empty streets. no music on, just me and my thoughts.

——

"Noah, believe me when I say this. I love you more than anything and I always will. you're always going to be my first love." tears roll down my face as I look up at the man I love deeply. "I can't keep up with the fighting anymore."

"so you're breaking up with me?" he says quietly with a scoff.

"yes- no." I let out a breath honestly not knowing anymore. "I don't want to -"

"then why are you? what happened to you saying I was the one? what happened to forever?" he cuts me off, his tone slightly louder.

"I don't want to! believe me but we have tried everything and nothing is working, Noah. we argue almost every time we talk, I can't do that anymore as much as I love you. it's draining you emotionally just as much as it is me. we need a break from each other." my voice is still calm. the desperation is clear in my tone.

"so your giving up on us? on me? after the year we've been through? you're giving up?" he shakes his head in disbelief and turns around to walk towards the kitchen.

"god no Noah! I'm not giving up on us!" I follow him.

"well it sure as hell seems like that's what you're doing!"

"god damnit Noah, just stop! we're fighting again, can't you see how tiring it is? fighting? it's better for the both of us if we take a break from each other. the arguments are getting too much for us and you know that. we can't even have a conversation anymore without a fight."

his back is turned to me, I can't see his face.

"I love you more than anything, you know that right? I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think it would help. I know you're my person, it's just a matter of when. you're always going to be my Noah. I don't want to think of it as a break up, I don't want it to be a break up, but we need time from each other."

tears flow freely from my eyes as I stare at his back waiting for him to say something. he doesn't and I soon start to give up.

I squeeze my eyes shut while silencing a sob.

"I love you so fucking much Kennedy. I really do."

I open my eyes to see his teary one's staring back at me. he cups my face and I place my small hands over his.

"I'll wait." his forehead rests against mine. my eyes shut immediately at the contact. "I'll wait for you, I'm not letting go anytime soon. just promise to come back to me."

——

I've pulled over at this point as sobs take control of my body. the more I sob, the more I forget to breathe and I start to feel a familiar weight on my chest.

the rain has picked up and no cars have driven by. it's a storm and I'm on the side of the road, crying. my phone was thrown somewhere in the back seat, but that didn't matter as the one I'd usually go to is taking a break from him and I.

calming myself isn't easy, it takes up to an hour for me to finally see almost clearly and breathe slower. when I think I can drive safely once more, I start driving home.

when I get home, all I do is feed Ozzi. I don't turn on a light, I just climb in bed and fall asleep.

——

a loud knocking woke me up the following morning. my puffy eye would barely open, sore from the crying. the apartment it's still dark, with only a small bit of light coming through the window even though it was probably mid afternoon.

completely forgetting about the knocking, I start to drift off to sleep again but I'm startled by another loud knock.

I huff and slowly get out of bed, my vision slightly blurry after I rub my eyes.

the lock clicks and I swing the door open to be met with a very concerned Nick who has his phone to his ear.

"hey." I offer him a small smile and open the door wider for him to come in.

he does and we both take opposite spots the couch. I sit with my knees to my chest.

"hey, I've been calling and texting you. I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"uh I've been okay I guess," knowing damn well I haven't. "how's Noah?"

"he's uh," he pauses. "he'll be okay."

"he hates me, doesn't he?" tears well up in my eyes.

"no no no, absolutely not Kenny. he loves you more than anything. he's torn up but he doesn't hate you, he could never."

"I only wanted the best for him, for our relationship." I say while wiping my tears.

"I know and he does too. you'll find your way together when the time is right. you two belong together, everyone sees it. some time off is going to be best for y'all as much as it sucks."

I sniffle and nod, no longer having words for a conversation other than, "I love him so much."

Nick gets up and sits next to me, pulling me into a comforting hug as I cry. he stays for a while longer before he's due back home and I'm left with myself once more.