miracle [N. SEBASTIAN]

"fight after fight."

[</3]

things just get uncarefully shoved into my two suitcases and a few boxes. everything that was meaningful to me, I lost in the fire. everything I would've took extra care of, is gone. and in a way I'm kind of glad especially with how I'm taking my anger out on everything I own.

my temper wasn't helping with how I'm packing. wading up clothes and throwing them around instead of neatly folding them.

although it wasn't our first argument, it still stung.

a knock sounds at the door and I almost snap.

"what?" I glare at the door as it opens revealing Noah.

"I'm sorry."

I just shake my head and go back to wadding clothes up. I was only trying to help him.

"baby, stop." he takes the shirt from my hands and pulls into his arms. "I shouldn't have gotten mad at you, I'm so sorry for being a complete asshole. you didn't deserve it to be taken out on you."

I again don't say anything, but this time I relax into his arms and wrap my arms around his waist. he kisses my forehead and we stand there silently.

"why?" I softly ask.

"why, what?" he asks slightly confused.

"I was only trying to help." I mutter.

"I know baby, I can't tell you how sorry I am. words wouldn't even come close to describing how sorry I am." he says caressing my face with his thumbs. he leaves a sweet chaste kiss on the tip of my nose before bringing his lips to mine.

all the anger left my body, I'm left tired and drained. his kiss beings a small amount of energy to my body.

"it's okay," I sigh out. "just, don't do it again. we're a team. whatever you go through, I go through. don't take it out on me please."

"I promise."

——

a week later

"seriously Noah?! what the hell do you mean you don't know? you're doing it again!" I say as frustration surrounds my being.

"I don't need you scolding me like I'm a child, Kennedy! I told you I was fine, stop fucking pushing for an answer when there isn't one to give. let it go!"

"how can I let it go when you're throwing shit around? the whole house can hear it!"

"It doesn't involve you! go put your nose somewhere else for once and leave me alone!" he lets out angrily.

my heart breaks at his words. my whole body goes slack. he notices it too.

"shit, no sorry Ken-" he tried to get out. I don't let him.

I walk out of his room and the house with the slam of two doors. hot tears leave my eyes as I continue to walk down the street.

"Kennedy! where are you going? come back in the house!" Noah shouts from behind me, barley audible through the pounding rain.

"to put my nose somewhere else since you can't be fucking bothered with my help. you wanted me to to leave you alone. here I am, walking away. you should do the same."

nobody said loving was easy. god it's so hard. especially when all you do is fight.

the rains cold against my skin but I feel the hot tears in contrast, roll down my face.

I'm ready for this day to be over.

——

1 month later

we're on the couch cuddling while watching a movie. I've been extremely stressed with work recently, especially with Josh on my ass constantly.

I let out a sigh and get up from Noah's hold, overstimulated and in need of water. and my own space. I feel his presence follow me into the kitchen. it starts to annoy me but I don't let it show.

he wraps his arms around my waist, trying to comfort but all I do is shake him off. never mind on not showing it.

"baby? what's wrong?"

I don't answer him. really not wanting to talk about it.

he puts his hand on my shoulder to grab my attention but I once again shake him off, "I'm fine, just leave me alone for a second."

he sees through my lie and goes to say something but I cut him off quite harshly, "Noah just go back in the living room. I don't want to talk to you about it right now."

my backs to him so I only hear him scoff before he slams a door not even a minute after leaving the kitchen.

——

2 months later

it's make up after fight, make up after fight and repeat over this past few months. I'm tired. hurt. done.

I love him. but we are both hurting. ourselves and each other.

"are you even listening to me?" his words are numb to me at this point. we're fighting again.

"god Kennedy! this is important and you're not even fucking listening!" he scoffs.

I can't help it. I'm in my own head. drowning in self pity as I watch his anger take over from a whole other persons point of view.

his words are muffled. muffled until the part that stings the most. almost like my brain wanted me to hear them.

he's almost acting animatedly as I watch him yell. I don't say anything.

"just leave." he scoffs once more before walking to his room and slamming the door shut.

it felt like someone had ripped my heart out. my tears were gone and I was numb. I walked out, ignoring the looks of pity follow me outside of the house.

our apologies have become meaningless at this point even though I know we both love each other. we aren't the best for each other right now. I'll always love him. he will always be mine. but we need time.

he starts it or I start it. it went from about once every 2 weeks to every day we saw each other.

a day that starts with apologies and cuddling ends in a screaming match.