𝙄 𝙃𝘼𝙏𝙀𝘿 𝙔𝙊𝙐 | Chuuya Nakahara

i'm so sorry

I should apologize. I said so many things that the current me would never even think of saying to him. I wasn't thinking and it's not his fault that I felt the way I did. Even if he may not have understood what I said to him, I know he's not stupid, he knows they were meant to be hurtful. 

I wondered the halls hoping to bump into Chuuya. Praying that he would even want to talk to me. Praying that he would understand where I was coming from. And most of all praying that if we did bump into each other, we wouldn't have a mission, I was most definitely not in the right state to go on a mission.

After wondering around for entirely to long, I just decided to text him. 

ginger cowboy !!

hey

are you okay

you left so fast and i have no idea what you said but im so sorry for whatever i did that made you upset, i shouldnt have said that when you left the bathroom and i regret being so harsh when something was obviously wrong

please answer

y/n

im worried about you

I didn't even know he texted me...

me

hey, sorry for not answering i just needed to be alone for a bit.

and if im being honest i wasnt okay, im feeling better now tho

dont be sorry, it wasnt something that you did, it just happened and id rather not talk about it over text so can we meet up somewhere??

ginger cowboy !!

im glad your feeling better

where did you wanna meet?

me

my room? if thats okay with you??

ginger cowboy !!

thats fine. 

I guess I should get ready.

I didn't do much to get ready, just enough to not look like I was doing decent at the moment. Just as I sat down on my bed, I heard a knock on my door. I opened the door, expecting to see Chuuya, and that is exactly who I saw. What I didn't expect was to be pulled into his arms do desperately. As I was being hugged tightly I heard a weak and shaky voice say "I hate you." with a small laugh escaping his mouth as his arms wrapped around me tighter. I felt my eyes watering as I wrapped my arms around the slightly taller boy. We stood there for a couple seconds until we heard footsteps approaching. Pulling apart and going into my room. We sat down on my bed in silence, it wasn't awkward, in fact it was almost comforting. 

"So do you wanna talk about what happened?" Chuuya asked, looking at me as he said it. "I guess.." he nodded, telling me to go on. "So when we woke up I was fine at first, I don't know what happened to make me feel like that, it could've been the drinking or literally anything, but while I was waiting for you to wake up I started to get all panicky and shakey. I tried waking you up because I felt like you could maybe help me calm down. I mean the only person who had ever seen me like that was him." I refused to say Dazai's name, I could think about it all I wanted to, how easy it used to be to say that name. Now it just felt like I was talking about someone who had hurt me over and over again. "I tried shaking you awake but I didn't even have enough strength to do that. Eventually I convinced myself that it would be embarrassing for you to see me like that if you woke up and I somehow made it to the bathroom and locked myself in there. I was trying not to cry loud because I didn't really want you to know at the time. And when you started knocking on the door I got even more nervous and then when I came out and you said whatever it was you said I felt so angry and sad. And I know you don't know what I said, but I know it wasn't the nicest thing you could say to someone and I'm sorry." I finished my rant, being pulled into yet another hug, this time with Chuuya laying down, pulling me on top of him. 

I was tearing up at this point and he just held me while I silently cried, running his hand up and down my back to comfort me. Eventually I fell asleep. 

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sorry for the very bad upload schedule, i low key forgot this story existed lmao.