'tis the damn season

Two: closure

"Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled, I'm fine with my spite" 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Will says, as we reach the car.

I shrug, opening the drivers side door. "It's not a big deal," I say. "I just won't be doing any shopping anytime soon."

The two of us get into the car, and I immediately start the engine.

"I tried to tell Dustin it wasn't a good idea, that you guys hated each other back in school but he wouldn't listen," Will explains. "Sometimes when Dustin gets an idea into his head he won't leave it alone."

I turn to face him in my seat. I didn't like how guilty he sounded. When I lived with Will and Johnathan, we confided in each other. The two of them knew how rough school was for me, and I knew how rough school was for them. Will knew the whole story about Steve and his friends, but it's not his job to protect me. He's only thirteen, I should be the one protecting him.

"It's not your fault Will. It's really not a big deal," I say again. "Really."

He looks skeptical of my words, but eventually he nods.

I turn back to the wheel in front of me, and back out of the parking spot, before driving towards the exit of the parking lot.

"How do you guys even know him? He's my age," I laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

He thinks about an answer for a moment, as if he's unsure of how to respond. "It's kind of a long story," is all he says. That seemed to be everyone's answer for everything around here.

I knew there was a lot of things I didn't know. I was away for a pretty significant part of Will's life. Only a year after I left, he went missing. He was gone for over a week, we had a funeral and everything. I came back for just a few short days with Dad to help with the funeral arrangements, but afterwards we went back to Indianapolis. It was only a few days after we got home that Joyce called to say they had found Will. I was so fucking confused. I talked to Will on the phone a few days later once he was feeling a little better. I was never told explicitly what happened. But then again, I never asked. I had a feeling I didn't want to know. I'm a worrier, and I knew it would only make things worse for me if I heard the whole story. And so at this point I was okay with being in the dark about things.

We sat in silence for a while, as we drove home. It was a pretty simple route back to the house, so I didn't need directions this time.

All the silence was giving me room to think. I couldn't help remembering all the shit I put up with because of Steve. All those times Carol pushed me into the lockers, all the times my books were thrown to the floor, all the times Tommy called me a slut or a whore; which honestly didn't even make any sense considering I was a fucking virgin at the time. And then there were all those times where Steve just laughed. I'll admit he wasn't the worst of the three of them, but he didn't do anything to stop his friends from pushing me around. And I think that might be why I hated him the most. He never did anything directly mean, but it was almost like he enjoyed watching me suffer at the hands of his friends.

"You know... Steve's grown up a lot since school I think. He's actually a pretty decent guy now," Will says, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I glance at him sitting next to me. All I can do is laugh. "Maybe," I chuckle, looking back to the road. "But I don't think I need to test the theory."

****

The next few days were quiet again. I stuck around the house, while everyone else was out doing their own thing, I cleaned, I read, I listened to music, and tried just about everything to make the time pass. No one in this house was ever home. If Johnathan wasn't working, he was out with Nancy. Will was constantly out with his friends, and Joyce worked just about every day. I was starting to get lonely in this house by myself. So today, I finally got in my car and started driving.