Love to Hate You

Chapter 14

JASPER'S POV
I woke up feeling confused. I look around in the dark. I'm at Ezra's apartment. God, this headache is killing me. I get up to go find Ezra. I walk down the hall towards his room, open his bedroom door quietly and peek in. He's in bed asleep. I crawl into bed with him.
"You smell like chlorine." He said in a sleepy voice.
"I'm sorry. Did I wake you??" I said. He turns his lamp on and sits up.
"Doesn't matter. I was waiting for you to get up. You need to eat and wash up." He said.
"You want to take care of me?? Why?? You should be angry that I called you drunk again.
I don't even want to think about the stupid shit I said."
I hide my shameful face in my pillow. Dreading the consequences of my actions as reality punches me in the gut.
"You're still my best friend, Jas. Even if you don't want to be with me, I'm still going to be your best friend. So, get up and go shower. I'll make us something to eat."
He gets up onto his feet and walks out the room. Meanwhile, I walk to the bathroom and turn the shower on. I take my swimming trunks off and step into the water. As the water runs down my back, I find myself thinking. No one has ever taken care of me like Ezra does. I've been on my own since seventeen. My family has never been around to take care of me.
I was a troubled teen. My father would take any excuse to beat me but I preferred it to be me over my sister or my mom. Needless to say, love was not abudant growing up. Instead, I was taught how to use a gun and was groomed to take over the family business. I escaped that burden. So, I was the only one taking care of me. That's until Ezra showed up and fucked my whole world up. God, I hate him sometimes. I was just fine with the way my life was. I partied, I drank, the girls were endless and then this motherfucker waltz in my life with his compassion, gorgeous brown eyes and leather jacket. Man, those lips. Being kissed by those lips leaves me seeing stars.
"Hey, are you ok??" His voice interrupts my thoughts and my eyes snap up to look at his face. He looks concerned.
"Yeah, I'll be out in a few minutes." I said.
I grab the soap and lather my body quick. Ezra is still standing in the door way though.
"Did you need something else??" I asked.
He just smiles and said, "Just enjoying the view. Try not to wet your cast or you'll need to get it redone."
I nod my head and finish showering. Stepping out, I grab the towel that was left for me. Just one of the ways out of the million how he takes care of me. I realize that I don't have anything to wear except for my swimming trunks. Guess I'm staying naked. I confidently walk out the bathroom, not really caring about being seen since he's seen it all before anyway.
"Can I borrow some clothes, E??" I said but he wasn't in his bedroom. So, I walk down the hall towards the kitchen but he isn't there either. My next thought was the living room since I could hear a faint sound coming from there.
"Hey, I was looking for you." I said. He was watching tv. He turns to look up at me from the couch and instantly smirks in my direction. Shamelessly looking me up and down.
"You're not wearing any clothes." He stated the obvious.
"I asked if I could borrow something but you couldn't hear me." I shrugged and sat down next to him.
"Put on clothes before I lose my self control." He said with his eyes closed, making a pained expression. I take the opportunity to kiss him.
"You're cute all hot and bothered." I said in between kisses. My hand splayed across his bare chest. I could feel his heart beating fast.
I liked the affect I had on him. It encouraged me to go farther. I slide my hand from his chest down to his abs and played around with the waistband of his pajama pants. He quickly clamped his hand around my wrist, stopping me from going further.
"No, Jasper. Please, go put on clothes. It's not in me to have meaningless sex. Even if it was, I don't want it to be meaningless with you." He said, slowly letting go of my wrist. I was stunned. I actually had to blink a few times before I finally reacted and spoke.
"So, you're like this with everyone?? You never had sex outside of a relationship??" I said. I felt as though my tone might have offended him but he didn't say anything about it.
"I've only ever had sex with people I'm in a relationship with. So, no never. Please, go put on clothes now."
Without saying much else, I got up and went looking for clothes in his dresser. I pulled out a tee shirt and some shorts. I put them on and walked back to the couch to watch tv with him.
"What are you watching??" I said, trying to make conversation.
"I'm sorry." He said.
"Sorry for what??" I questioned, leaning forward with my elbows resting on my knees.
"For complicating things. You—" I cut him off instantly.
"Shut up, Ezra. The only one making moves was me. I'm the one that needs to apologize.
I fucked up. Not you. I shouldn't have been calling you drunk or kissing you and I definitely shouldn't have blown you." I said. Unfortunately, that made him angry. He scowled at me and clenched his fists tight. I hate it when he's angry with me.
"So, you regret everything that ever happened between us?! Like I'm just a series of mistakes in your life?! Even after you just kissed me five minutes ago?! Are you fucking serious right now?!" He raised his voice.
"No, that's not what I meant. How am I fucking this up even more?! Ok, listen. I'm not good with words. I was trying to say that I'm at fault here. That's all." I said, trying to reach for his hand but he pulled away. I could see the hurt in the way he was looking at me. It made me feel guilty and wrong. I needed to fix this quickly, before he never wants to speak to me again.
"You implied that you have regrets. That you regret the connection we had." He said, his voice taking a more saddened tone.
"I regret a lot of things in my life but you aren't one of them, E! Don't you see that I'm the one falling all over you! That you keep pulling me back in! I'm not the relationship kind of guy and it's terrifying that I want that with you! A man! I've been straight my whole damn life and then you walk into my life and changed everything! That's fucking scary!" The word vomit just kept spewing out of my mouth and the tears started burning my eyes but I blink them away and take a deep breath. My stupid heart racing in my chest. I lean back against the couch and look up to the ceiling. I hate talking about my feelings but I hate Ezra being angry with me more. He was quiet. When I turn to look at his face, the psychopath was smiling at my struggle. I frowned.
"Are you done fighting me?? Will you finally just give in??" He said, visibly in a better mood.
"We're inevitable. There's no use in fighting what we have anymore." I said. Ezra tugs on my arm and pulls me against him, laying down under me. I bury my face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in and feeling at peace.
"I made us sandwiches. You should eat." He said.
"I'm not hungry. I just want to stay right here." I replied. Ezra embraced me with his arms. Holding me tight. His warmth enveloping me.
"I can't believe you're my boyfriend now." He said. I hum a reply. Shortly after I fell asleep.