Love to Hate You

Chapter 6

EZRA'S POV
I have a storm of emotions swirling within me right now. Sadness, anger, disappointment, intrigue, admiration. Someone who drinks themselves to death has clearly gone through something sad. I wish I could have saved him from whatever that is. I'm angry at myself for letting him get drunk again. I don't want to only be around him when he's too drunk to remember anything. I'm disappointed that I'll only ever be his friend or rather his best friend. I'm curious about Jasper. Everything about him fascinates me. I admire him. I don't want to leave him on my couch but I don't want him to wake up in my bed again. So, I gently replace my lap with a pillow and get him a blanket. I walk over to the window and pull out a cigarette from the carton on the windowsill. I light it up and place it between my lips. Why have I gone and fallen for a straight man?? I inhale and exhale smoke. I smoke for about five minutes before I toss it out the window. I turn off all the lights and go to my room. I take off my shirt and pants, staying in just my underwear. I climb into bed and fall asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep for but suddenly I was woken up by the heavy weight of a body on top of me. Jasper's head is on my chest and his upper body is on top of mine.
"Jasper??" I whisper. He hums.
"What are you doing??"
"You smell good." He whispers back.
"You are going to hate me in the morning, Jas."
"Maybe." He said, burying his face in the crook of my neck. I suppress a moan. My heart is beating erratically. His hand rests on my pec.
"Jasper, you are really tempting me. I need you to move to the other side of the bed. Please." I beg but he doesn't move. Did he fall asleep?? His nose and lips are pressed up against my skin and I shiver. I slowly lift him off of me and onto the other side of my bed. I stare at him for a moment. Wondering what the hell just happened?! Is Jasper attracted to me when he's drunk?? That doesn't make any sense. If he is attracted to me when he is drunk then he is attracted to me when he's sober. Holy shit. I can't believe it. There's still some doubt in my mind. I close my eyes and try my hardest to fall asleep. After awhile, I do fall asleep.
In the morning, the sound of a phone ringing forces Jasper and I awake. I slowly open my eyes to see a sleepy Jasper. We're entangled together. His arms are wrapped around me and mine around him. Our legs are wrapped up together. Jasper slowly comes to the realization and gasps. The phone stops ringing. I quickly try to let him go but my arm is stuck under his body.
"Sorry. I tried putting as much distance between us as I could." I said, My voice husky with sleep. We remove our limbs from each other's bodies. I stand on my side of the bed and he stands on the other side. He's breathing deeply but doesn't say a word.
"Are you ok??" I ask. I'm starting to get concerned. His eyes look down from my face to my body and then snap back up to my face. I look down at myself. I forgot that I'm just in my underwear and I'm clearly suffering from morning wood. My hands instantly try to cover up. I grab some sweatpants off my floor and put them on. Jasper quickly runs out of the room.
"Hold on!! Don't go!!" I shout and run after him. "Hold on!!" I grab his arm and stop him from leaving.
"Stop. Let me give you water and some painkillers. Maybe some breakfast."
"No. I have to go home." He said, while pulling his arm out of my grip.
"Ok, no breakfast. Just water and painkillers." I try to bargain. He sighs and nods.
I go to my kitchen and grab a water bottle.
I go to my bathroom and grab some painkillers from the cabinet. I bring it all back to Jasper. He opens the water bottle and puts two pills in his mouth then chugs the water. I just watch him. When he's done, he turns around and leaves. Slamming the door shut on his way out.  Fuck.

JASPER'S POV
I run out of Ezra's apartment like a bat out of hell. I go down the stairs two at a time and when that's not fast enough, I jump down like this shit is parkour. I climb into my car and grip the steering wheel tightly. I scream all of my frustrations out. I'm breathing heavily. All I'm thinking is WHAT THE FUCK... This isn't happening. This is...That was...I have no excuse. I liked it all. Fuck!! No!! That's not possible. I begin to hyperventilate and cry. I can't breathe. No air in my lungs. Suddenly my car door is opened.
"Hey!! Hey!! It's ok. Look at me. Breathe." Ezra said. His hands cup my face and force me to look at him.
"Breathe, Jasper. I'm right here. Everything is ok. I'm right here. Nothing happened. You're ok." His voice actually helps to calm me down. Slowly my breathing is back to normal. He wipes away my tears with his thumbs. I place my hands over his for second and close my eyes. I swallow the lump in my throat. Then remove his hands from my face.
"I have to go." I said. Ezra nods and stands up. He's still shirtless. I look away and close my door. I put my seatbelt on then drive off. I have to clear my head. I have to go home but I don't go home. I go to the coffee shop around the corner from my apartment. I walk in and wait in line. When I finally reach the counter, I recognize the girl taking my order. Cindy.
"Welcome. What can I get you today??" She asked with a smile.
"Hey, Beautiful. I'd like a small coffee with cream and sugar." I smile. She blushes. I hand her her the money for my coffee.
"You never called me." She said with a pout.
"Sorry. How about I take you out after your shift??" She twirls her brown hair around her finger.
"How many girls do you take out a day??" She asks. I chuckle.
"None." She looks surprised. She doesn't know that I don't date. I fuck around but I don't date. Maybe that's my problem. I need a girlfriend.
"Not a single one??" She asks, perplexed.
"Nope. How about we skip the pleasantries and I just call you my girlfriend??"
"Ok, pretty boy. You can call me your girlfriend. My shift ends at five. Don't be late." She said with a flirty glint in her eyes. That was easy. She hands me my coffee.
"I won't be late." I tell her. I walk away and exit the shop. I sit in my car and let everything that just happened sink in. I'm not a relationship kind of guy. I've never had a girlfriend. I've been with plenty of women. I just never took any of them seriously. They knew what they were getting with me. A good fuck and nothing more. That's not enough anymore, however. I need to try to commit to a girlfriend. Occupy myself with a relationship. Problem is I feel sick. I have no idea what the fuck I am doing and odds are I will fuck this up badly. I turn on my car and park it in my apartment complex parking lot. I forget all about the coffee I just bought. I walk up the steps and enter the building. I climb the stairs to the third floor and find my apartment's door. I walk in my home, feeling lost. I shut the door and lean against it. I can't believe Ezra seen me cry. I hate to cry. Men shouldn't cry. That doesn't stop me from crying like a little bitch right now though. The tears pour out of me so effortlessly. I don't even know why I am crying. I need to sleep this off. I walk to my bedroom and just let myself fall onto my bed. When I close my eyes, I just let myself drift away into a deep slumber.
I wake up hours later. It's three in the afternoon. Cindy gets off work at five. That gives me enough time to shower and get dressed. When I'm all done with that, I make myself a sandwich. Then I walk to the coffee shop. She notices me instantly. She smiles wide. Her green eyes sparkle. I can tell she's excited to see me.
"Ready??" I ask. She nods her pretty little head and grabs my hand. She's cute. I walk the short distance to my apartment with her and invite her into my space.
"Nice place." She said.
"Thank you. As my girlfriend you can visit me anytime."
"You're seriously my boyfriend now??" This is it. An opportunity to get out while I can.
"Of course, I am. I wouldn't joke about that. You're a pretty girl." I said. Clearly I am a masochist. She blushes really hard but the smile never leaves her face. I guide her to sit down in my living room. I sit beside her.
"Every time you come around to buy coffee, I always have this insane urge to kiss you."
Well, things are moving fast. I lean in and kiss her. It wasn't terrible but it wasn't great.
"Wow." She says once we pull apart. She's practically glowing.
"I'm going to need your number again, Cindy." I hand her my phone and she saves her contact information in it. She saved her number under 'Baby Girl'. I text her so she has my number. She quickly saves it. I don't know under what name but I don't care. It's not important to me. We watch a movie. She holds my hand the whole time. Afterwards, I drive her home. She lives in a yellow house in a suburban neighborhood. I kiss her goodbye and promise to see her tomorrow. On my drive back home, my phone rings. Ezra is calling me. I hesitate to answer but decide that I want to hear his voice.
"Hello??"
"Hey, Jas." His deep voice answers.
"What's up??" I try to sound cool like his voice doesn't affect me at all.
"I'm just calling to check up on you. You had a whole panic attack in your car. Left me worried about you." He worries about me??
"I'm fine. Sorry you had to see that."
"You don't have to apologize. There's nothing to apologize for. I was just glad I was there to help."
"Um, thanks." I said, unsure of what to say next. Should I tell him about Cindy?? No. I rather not. There's an awkward silence for a moment. I grip the steering wheel tighter as I continue to drive.
"We're hanging out tomorrow. I want to bake a cake and you're helping. So, I hope you have a sweet tooth."
"I don't know how to bake a cake, E."
"Well, lucky for you, I do. Dinner at my place tomorrow and don't bother bringing alcohol." I roll my eyes at the last comment. I park my car.
"Fine. I won't bring alcohol. I'll see you tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow. Bye."
How am I going to survive dinner without alcohol?? I'm never going to survive. I get out of my car and make my way inside of my apartment. I've had a long day.
The next day, I wake up to Cindy calling me. She wants to grab breakfast together. I'm trying to be a good boyfriend so anything she wants I'm going to do my best to give to her. I get dressed and drive to her house to pick her up. She comes out with her brown hair down her shoulders and a floral dress clinging to her body. She's really pretty.
"Hey, Babe." She greets me with a kiss.
"Hey, Cindy. You look really pretty today."
That makes her smile. I drive us to a diner. She orders waffles and I order pancakes. Which reminds me of Ezra. She talks about everything and anything. She never shuts up but I try to stay interested in the topic of our conversation and give her a reply. When our food arrives, we eat in silence. Which feels weird since she was so talkative. After we're done with breakfast, I took her to the mall. We walked around and looked at so much crap. I bought her whatever she wanted. She was so happy. This relationship moves fast. Definitely faster than any normal relationship. Why am I saying that?? Because she fucked me in my car in the middle of the parking lot. I felt a whole lot better about this relationship after that. We spent lunch in my apartment. I ordered pizza. Which reminded me of Ezra but I quickly forgot about it, as Cindy fucked me again. As soon as she left, I began drinking by myself. I wanted to forget because I felt dirty. Now I'm drunk again but I can't sleep it off because I promised Ezra I'd show up to bake a cake. So, I drive myself to his apartment. I stumble my way to his door and knocked.
He opens the door with a smile but that smile quickly falls into a frown when he realizes I'm drunk.
"You really are an alcoholic." He said with disdain.
"You said not to bring alcohol. I didn't bring any." I stepped inside of his apartment and went straight to his couch. Ezra shuts the door and follows me. He's really mad. I've never seen him mad before. It's not fun.
"The point was that I didn't want you drunk, Jasper!! And you knew that!!" He yells.
"I'm sorry. Please, stop yelling at me." I groan.
"I'm so fed up of seeing you drunk!! You couldn't spend one day without fucking yourself up?! That's pathetic!!"
"Ok. I'm sorry. Just get me some water so I can sober up. Stop yelling."
"You know what, Jasper. I can't even deal with this right now. Get your own water. I'm going to my room." He said, then walked away. Leaving me alone on his couch. He slams the door. I flinched. I decide that I don't like when Ezra is mad at me. I feel really shitty right now. I get up and go to his kitchen to get some water. I crack open a water bottle and chug it. When I'm done, I throw away the empty bottle and walk down the hall to his room. I knock the door.
"Come on, E. Don't be mad at me. Open the door." I plead. I knock some more.
"Ezra, open the door." No response. I knock some more.
"If you don't open the door, I'm going to kick it down." I said. I was bluffing but Ezra opened the door after that. He turned to walk away but I caught his wrist. He glares at me.
"I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me. I didn't mean to upset you." I said.
"I don't accept your apology. Apologize to me when you're sober and you actually know what you're saying." He walked away and got into his bed. I decide that I'm going to climb into his bed to.
"Are you really not going to forgive me??" I said, as I laid down. He breathes in deeply and then looks at me.
"Jasper, I don't want you in my bed until you're sober."
"Why??"
"Because I hate it when you wake up the next day and you look at me like I've taken advantage of you. Now go." He said. I got up and went back to his couch. I'm too drunk for this shit. I shut my eyes and fall asleep.