Love to Hate You

Chapter 21

JASPER'S POV
It's been three weeks of no sex. Nothing at all. Plenty of blue balls though. My doctor refuses to give me the all clear. I feel perfectly fine!! Why won't anyone listen to me?! I'm absolutely going insane just being home. I have no job because I quit my bartending job. I have absolutely nothing going on in my life. I've been surviving off of my savings account. Ezra wants to help me out financially but I told him that wasn't necessary. Lily visits sometimes but mostly, I just see Ezra. He's been more of a nurse than my boyfriend though. When he said he needed space, I thought it would be a phase. A temporary thing. However, he's been more distant lately. He started seeing a shrink and tried convincing me to see one to but I quickly shut that down. Me?? Talk about my feelings with a stranger?? HELL NO. He claims it's been helping him with his night terrors. I don't agree though. If therapy was really helping then he wouldn't need so much space still. It's actually starting to piss me off. He made a "friend" at one of his therapy sessions. A guy named Liam. They've been spending too much time together and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel jealous. Any time he's on his phone, it's with Liam. They go out for coffee like every fucking day. Like I said I'm losing my goddamn mind. I grab my phone from the nightstand to check the time. It's two in the morning. Ezra is working a shift at the club while I lay here in bed, struggling to sleep. I really need to start applying for a job of some kind. Get back into a routine of some sort.
"Fuck this." I whisper to myself. I get up from my bed and turn the lamp on. I can't just sit in the dark, staring at my ceiling. I'm going out. I don't know fucking where but I'm going. I walk over to my dresser and open a drawer full of folded clothes. I pull out a red tee shirt and some gray sweatpants. After I dress myself, I grab my car keys and head out.
I don't have a destination in mind. I'm just driving aimlessly until I decided to stop at a convenience store. I grab a bunch of junk food and drop it on the counter.
"Wow. All of this is just for you??" Said the female at the cash register. She was oddly cheerful and nosy.
"Do you question all of your customers??" I said. She began to scan items with a smile.
"Just the really hot ones." She flirted shamelessly. I couldn't help but crack a smile at her boldness. It's been awhile since anyone has flirted with me. I took a moment to really look at the girl. Brown hair down to her shoulders, big brown eyes, maybe about five foot three.
"Yes, this is all for myself." I answered her previous question.
"You're cute when you smile." She giggled. There was something joyful in her eyes. As if nothing could ever go wrong in her world. So strange.
"Thank you but I'm in a relationship." I awkwardly answered. She laughed some more as she finished up scanning the items on the counter and bagged them.
"You're just so adorable!! It's ok, though. I respect that you have respect for your relationship. Which only makes me like you more. So, I'll tell you what..this is my number and I hope you use it because I make an amazing friend. Also, your snacks are free." She scribbled her phone number on my hand and never stopped smiling as she handed me the bag of junk food.
"I really can't walk out of here without paying for this stuff." I smiled nervously. This girl was crazy. Wouldn't she be fired??
"Dude, I own this little shop. I'm just covering one of my employees' shift because they had an emergency." She said.
"That's all great and all but I still wouldn't feel right not paying you."
She squinted her eyes and leaned against the counter. I suddenly felt uncomfortable under her gaze. I shifted awkwardly on my feet. Then she smiled.
"Ok. Then you owe me coffee in exchange for those snacks."
I debated for awhile but ultimately decided that she seemed harmless. A little strange for sure but definitely harmless. Ezra would like her.
"What's your name??" I asked her.
"Emmie. You??"
I wondered if that was short for something but decided not to ask.
"Jasper." I replied. Just then my phone began to ring in my pocket. "Um, I have to take this but I'll definitely call you for that coffee, Emmie."
I walked out the store and answered Ezra's call.
"Hello??" I said, sitting in the driver's seat in my car.
"Where the heck are you??" Ezra sounded irritated.
"How do you know I'm not home??" I questioned.
"Jas, I'm in your apartment. Where are you??"
"I'm sitting in my car, E." I sighed.
I heard some noises like he was moving around but he was totally silent.
"So, you came by to visit me??"
"I'm just gonna go home, Jas."
"No!! I'm on my way!! Don't leave!!" I blurted out quickly. I toss my phone and it lands on the passenger seat. I started up my car and rushed home. I parked the car crooked but I didn't care. I ran to my apartment door.
"Baby, I'm home!!" I shouted as soon as I was inside. "E!! Baby!! Where are you?!"
I walked towards my bedroom. The bag of snacks still in my hands. I open the door and my room is empty. Just when I thought Ezra left, I heard the shower running in my bedroom's bathroom. I smile to myself knowing that he's naked and I'm about to lay my eyes on his gorgeous face. I open the bathroom door and slowly walk in the steaming room. I couldn't even help myself. I immediately got aroused. Something about how the water trickles down his muscular body. How it drips from his overgrown hair. I drop the bags and take off my clothes and slide in the shower behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist.
"Hey, I thought you left." I said softly.
Ezra pushed his wet hair back and turned around to face me. His brown eyes looked tired.
"Hey." He said, "you're finally home."
I leaned in and kissed his lips. I missed him.
"Ezra, what's going on between us??"
He furrowed his brows.
"What do you mean??" He was beginning to sound agitated. I didn't want to fight but I couldn't help what I'm about to say next.
"What do I mean?? I mean that you've been spending more time with fucking Liam. Instead of me. I barely see you. We don't talk anymore, Ezra. I miss you. I'm going fucking insane and you don't seem to give a fuck. That's what I mean." I said, as I backed up against the wall in the shower. He looked as if I slapped him across the face with my words.
"Jasper, I'm going to say this one more time. Liam is just a friend!! I've never given you any reason to distrust me. I'm allowed to have friends." He said exasperated. He turned the shower water off and got out. I followed him.
"I never said you couldn't have friends!! But Liam is not trying to be your friend!! He's worming his fucking way into your pants and you're stupidly falling for it!! Anyone with fucking eyes can see that guy's intentions!!"
I can't even believe that we're both naked and arguing. Instead of fucking. Why can't he see what I see?! I swear I'm going to punch that fucker Liam in the face.
"Jasper, I'm exhausted. Can we not argue every goddamn moment we have together?!" He said, as he skipped drying off and getting dressed all together and just lied down on my bed. Of course, I take the opportunity to look at him from head to toe. It saddened me, however. I never get to touch him anymore. He has pulled away from me. I don't understand what changed. Where did we go wrong??
"I don't want to fight either. You've just changed and I don't know where my boyfriend is because he certainly isn't whoever is here." I said. Ezra quickly got up after hearing that and approached me.
"You don't mean that. I'm still your boyfriend. I'm still the same guy who fell in love with you. I'm sorry I've been a little distant. I'm just afraid of losing you." He said, as he held my hands in his. It made no sense to me. He was distancing himself from me because he was afraid of losing me?? I don't understand that.
"The only way you're losing me is if you keep this shit up. I can't deal with all this space, Ezra. I want my boyfriend back. Also, please fuck me. I'm dying to be touched!!"
He smiled at the last part and groped my ass with both of his hands, pushing my body against his. Damn. I love this man.
"I want to make love to you but-" he began to say until I cut him off.
"No 'but'. I don't want any excuses. I just want you." I said.
"BUT we don't have clearance from your doctor." He finished and I groaned. I stepped away from his hold and searched my dresser for clothes. I settled on some shorts and a tee shirt. Ezra got the hint and put some sweatpants on but stayed shirtless, leaving his inked upper body exposed.
"Alright, I'm going to sleep." I said, as I pulled the sheets up to my neck. Ezra climbed in and spooned me. Everything felt peaceful after that. My eyes shut closed and I forgot all about the junk food or even the argument. All that mattered was me and him. I drifted to sleep.