Love to Hate You

Chapter 35

JASPER'S POV
You're such a good fuck.
My words kept haunting me. I broke my own heart. I had no intentions of having sex with him, when I showed up to the event. I planned to give him a piece of my mind and probably make him jealous but when my eyes caught sight of him...Fuck...he looked so good. Sexy. I was turned on instantly. I had to take a seat and admire him from a distance. My anger almost dissipated. Almost. I quickly remembered the fact that he ghosted me and replaced me with a little bitch. Speaking of ghosts, Ezra was looking around like he'd seen one. I was practically electrified when his dark eyes found mine. I don't know what came over me. I was filled with a need to have him. Fuck my stupid heart for loving him. I hated the effect he has on me. I forgot all about my anger the minute his lips touched mine. I called it fucking but you can't just fuck when your heart is involved. I made love to him. I let passion drive me and when it was all over, I just had to hold him. I couldn't let go yet. My heart was beating too fast and I thought, 'Fuck, I love him.' Then I caught myself slipping and I quickly harden my face and stiffened my posture. It angered me that he said he loved me and missed me when he clearly belongs to someone else. He spilled lies like water. The words just came to me. You're such a good fuck. How easily he believed me. That hurt. But I have no desire to become his side piece. I needed him to let me go. We were done. It was over. No more mind games. We couldn't even be friends. It's too difficult. I love to hate you. In a way, that was true. I love him soo much and I hate him for it because all it's done is cause me headaches, heartaches and fuck him for that. I toss and turn in my bed but sleep does not find me. I try to justify my behavior so the guilt doesn't kill me. I mean he really is a good fuck. He's the best sex I've ever had. I could have just been talking dirty. I do love to talk dirty. Especially, to him. But he knows I wasn't attempting dirty talk, I was implying he's easy and that what we did was a one time thing. Guilt. Ugh. I hated it. I hated him. He deserved it! He was playing around with me! God, when will I finally fall asleep?! These thoughts are killing me. Fuck Ezra and his stupid beautifully handsome face. I literally just laid in bed until the sun rose and watched as my once dark room lit up with morning light. I don't even know what time it is. I don't care. I keep my eyes closed and just lay there. I hear a knock at my front door. Ugh. It's probably my sister, Lily. I can't deal with her today. I ignore the knocking. Suddenly the knocking stops and I thought it was over but soon after I hear the door slam shut. Fuck. I forgot to lock the door. She's probably snooping in all of my stuff now.
"Jasper, wake up." A very familiar masculine voice demands. That's definitely not my sister. My eyes shoot open.
"What the fuck are you doing in my apartment, Ezra??" I ask, my tone harsh as I prop myself up on my elbows. He's very obviously checking my naked upper body out as he stands at the foot of my bed.
"You thought you could just treat me like some slut and walk out my life?? Well, you thought wrong. Fuck you for making me feel like shit. But you were clearly fed some bullshit and I'm here to clear that up." He said. I didn't like his tone. I haven't slept shit and I'm not in the mood for an argument.
"Ezra, I don't have time to play games with you." I said.
"Shut up and listen. The guy at my place yesterday was not my boyfriend. He lied when he said I was out fucking and he's straight. Now you probably had the right to be angry that I ignored your texts and calls for a week but rejection stings and I needed space."
"Alright then—"
"Oh, I'm not finished. What you did was totally uncalled for and we could have avoided all of this nonsense with a simple conversation. Which would have—forget it. I said what I had to say." He turned around and began to leave. Panic began to rise and I jumped out of the bed so fast that I stumbled a few steps but I managed to grab his arm and turn him around. Hugging his waist tightly with my face buried in his neck. I couldn't think of anything clever to say. I was never great with words. My actions always spoke louder. He didn't hug me back. I leaned back to look at his face. I would describe his facial expression as confused. I slowly walked him backwards against a wall. I grab the back of his neck and kiss him. Slowly and softly, at first but then it deepened and became heated. Like we're starved for each other. His hands explore my bare chest. I bend my knees slightly and lift him by his thighs. I grind my crotch against his. He moans, I smirk at the sound. I know all of his sweet spots, all of the tricks to get him where I want him. Under me. I kiss his neck.
"Jas...ahh" he moaned.
"No talking." I said and continued to attack his neck with my mouth.
"Mmm...marry me." He moaned but I stopped what I was doing. I set him down. Suddenly his touch burned.
"What the fuck did you just say to me??" I breathed out. He smiled, his eyes heavy with lust, and buried his fingers in my curly hair.
"Marry me, Jasper. I love you. I want you to be my husband." He said, dreamily.
"Why the fuck would I marry you, Ezra??"
"Because you...love...me." He said, almost questioningly. I stood silent and then his face changed like he realized something horrifying.
"You don't love me??" He whispered, as his hands slowly fell to his sides. A single tear fell from his eye.
"For fuck's sake... Don't cry." I groaned.
"Fuck you, Jasper!! You fuck with my emotions, reject me and then demand that I not cry!!" He spat.
"It's not my fucking fault you jumped to conclusions. I never said I didn't love you. Fuck. If anything I love you too much. God, I fucking hate it. I love you so much that I hate you. You make me so fucking crazy and every little damn thing you do affects me. Then you go and ask me to marry you?! Fuck." The word vomit just fell from my lips and my heart was pounding against my chest the whole time, my hands sweaty. He smashed his lips onto mine and I didn't hesitate to kiss him back. Our passion lead us to the bedroom and soon enough he was naked underneath me with my cock deep in his ass. I rocked my body in and out of him with vigor. Our lips locked, my head in the clouds. So many sensations running through me. So many emotions crashing like waves inside my chest. His sounds of pleasure like a song consistently playing in my ears.
He's mine. I want him. Nobody else can have him. He is MINE.
"Who do you belong to, Baby??" I grunt.
"You, Jas." He breathed out.
"Yess. Ahhh. Yes, you're mine. Mmm. You feel so good, Baby." I said in between moans. His hole squeezed tightly around my cock.
"Fuck." He moaned. I picked up my pace and drilled into him harder, while my hand stroked his member.
"Say it." I demanded. He knows exactly what I want him to say. I always want to hear it when we're intimate like this. It gives me such a rush. Like a drug. Addicted to those three words.
"I love you!! Fuck, I love you!!" His sexy deep voice says. He's close to coming. I can tell by the face he makes. Eyebrows furrowed, cheeks red, lips parted and those beautiful brown eyes glazed over. I stroke him faster and thrust harder.
"It should have been me asking." I say out of breath. He comes hard into my hand, his warm seed leaking between my fingers and onto his abs. I can feel my own release rising as the pressure builds. I moan as I finally come, filling him up with the hot fluids.
"Yes!!" I cry out. I collapse on top of his body.
"Yes." I whisper.
"Yes what??" He whispers back. I pick up my head off his shoulder and look into his eyes.
"I'll marry you, E."
Ezra looks shocked at first but slowly he grins and his eyes sparkle with moisture. He blinks away the tears and attacks me with kisses.
"Oh my god!! I'm going to be married!! This is like a dream!! Am I dreaming?!" He said with excitement. I pulled out and rolled onto my side.
"No, you're not dreaming. I'm really going to marry you. My stupid heart fell in love with you and now you're all that I want. There's no one else for me. You're my other half. Just know that I'm absolutely terrified right now and I may look calm but internally I'm screaming. My heart is beating wildly and I'm pretty sure I'm having a heart attack." I confessed while clutching my chest. Ezra smiled and grabbed the hand on my chest, intertwining our fingers together.
"Do you want a big wedding or are we eloping??" He asked. There was no thinking about it. I don't want a big fancy wedding.
"Do I look like the type of man to have a big fucking wedding?? I just want you and I at the courthouse. And you better be in white." I said.
"Why am I in white?? I'm not a bride." He chuckled, while playing with my fingers.
"You're always in black. I want to see you in white. What better time than our wedding day??" I smirked.
"Fine. I'll be there like a virgin in white. Just for you." He said, blissfully. I trace his tattoos with my fingertips. Enjoying the feeling of his soft skin. I must be out of my fucking mind. We break up then literally skip so many steps and jump straight into marriage. Love makes people stupid. I'm living proof of that fact. I just don't care anymore. I love him and being apart fucking sucks. Breaking up was a dumb decision.
"What kind of ring does my virgin bride want??" I asked, playfully. He thought about it quietly.
"I think a plain silver band will do just fine."
"Let's get dressed and go buy one right now." I quickly got up and grabbed a wet wipe and cleaned us both up. Ezra puts on his clothes back on and I dig in my closet for something to wear. I settled on a long sleeved burgundy shirt and black jeans with black sneakers. I throw on a silver chain and put some products into my curly hair. Done. I grab a jacket, my phone, wallet and keys. Just as we were heading out towards the front door, there was a knock. I opened the door to find my twin sister frowning at me.
"What on earth possessed you to contact Frank?!" She yells at me, getting straight to the point. She walks into my apartment.
"Sure, come in. Not like I was about to leave or anything." I said sarcastically.
"Jasper!! Now he'll find you!! And after he finds you, he'll find me!! I don't want to be found!!" She yells. I can hear the panic in her voice. I sigh. Ezra looks confused, he has his hands in his leather jacket's pockets.
"Who will find you??" He asks. Shit. I really hate talking about my father. Lily looks startled, like she didn't notice Ezra standing in the room when she barged in.
"Our dad." She whispered, her eyes watering.
"There's a lot you don't know about my family, E. Things I rather not talk about." I said.
"Ok, then who's Frank??" He asked.
"A very shady man that works for my father." I answered but this only peaked his curiosity more.
"Why are you in contact with a shady man??" He furrowed his eyebrows. I really didn't want to answer that question. How do you explain to your fiancé that you hacked his phone and stalked him without sounding like a complete psycho?? They both looked at me expectantly.
"I wasn't invited to last night's event. I followed you there with a little help." I smiled awkwardly.
"Have you lost your goddamn mind?! You called Frank for something that stupid?!" My sister yelled at me. Ezra just stood there, connecting the dots in his head.
"So, your father has connections with shady people and is hunting for you as we speak?? Who the fuck is he?! Al Capone?! And we are definitely circling back to the fact that you were stalking me." Ezra said. My sister and I share a glance.
"Something like that. Let's just say, he's not a good man." I answer vaguely.
"Jassy, we need to run. We need to go." Lily pleads. Flashbacks of my father beating me run through my mind and anger slowly rises in me. I know that's why Lily is scared. She witnessed the beatings I took in her place.
"I'm not running anymore. What's the worst he can do?? Shoot me??"
"What the fuck?!" Ezra shouts with an incredulous look on his face. I unlock my phone and dial Frank's number. It rings five times before he answers. 
"You just couldn't keep your trap shut, could you, you little bitch?? Tell my father to meet me at the warehouse at midnight." I hung up without letting him speak. Lily gasps. Ezra doesn't look to happy either.
"You are not going to walk to your death. You're supposed to be marrying me, remember?!"
I cup his face in my hands.
"I learned to shoot a gun when I was seven. I will be fine." I said.
"That's disturbing information but good to know. Only you don't own a gun, Jasper. I'm coming with you." He said.
"Actually, I do own a gun. A few guns. I also have cash put away." I confess. He just blinks a few times.
"What. The. Fuck." He whispers to himself. He starts to panic. He starts to breathe funny.
"Hey, Baby. Stay with me. Don't panic. Everything is ok. Everything is fine. Look at me, Baby. I'm still me. I'm still Jasper." I try to comfort him. My sister is pacing the room, tears in her eyes. Ezra looks at me, eyes wide. I start to worry. I kiss his cheek softly and hug him tightly. His knees give out but he doesn't fall because I'm holding onto him. I whisper in his ear. "I love you. Everything will be ok. I'll keep you safe. You won't ever have to even look at a gun. Nothing changes. I'm going to marry you and we'll grow old together. It'll be me and you against the world. I promise."
Ezra pulls away from me and my arms fall to my sides. He looks at me briefly and then walks out of my apartment without a word. Fuck. I tug at my hair and decide to run after him. I throw open the door and run down a flight of stairs. I catch him on the second flight of stairs. I grab his waist and walk him backwards against the wall.
"Let go of me." He said angrily.
"No." I replied. I kissed his lips softly. He tried to push me away but I don't budge.
"I don't even know who you are, Jasper!! Let go of me!!" He shouts and struggles in my arms. I don't let go.
"You know the parts of me that nobody else knows, Baby. You know me the best. You didn't need to know about where I came from. It wasn't important."
"It wasn't important?! Are you fucking kidding me?! You're the son of a mob boss. You probably killed a man by the age of nine!! You're a dangerous person with a lot of fucking secrets!! I don't know you at all!!" He argued. Dangerous person?? That's when it dawned on me.
"Are you afraid of me??" I asked, afraid of his answer. He stood silent and stopped struggling in my arms.
"Are you fucking afraid of me?!" I raised my voice. He flinched. My breath hitched at his reaction. I let him go.
"N-no." He lied. I smiled bitterly. I shook my head in disbelief.
"I love you. I would never hurt you. I have never hit you. I would never put a bullet through your head. On the contrary, I would take a bullet for you. And to answer your unasked question, I have never killed a person. And if you must know, my father would beat me to a pulp. He was a ruthless, heartless man who wanted to train me to be like him but I left and I took my sister with me. My mom was too loyal and stayed behind. The guns and the money are for protection. I've been on my own since seventeen. Is that what you want to know?? That's the big secret, Ezra. But since I'm such a dangerous person, you can walk out of here and never have to worry about seeing me again." My face hardened and my jaw clenched tight, I began to climb back up the stairs.
"Jasper." He called my name. I stop but don't turn around. My heart is beating wild in my chest.
"I just didn't expect any of this. You should have told me. It makes sense why you hate feelings and relationships. I'm sorry you grew up that way. I'm not afraid of you. I'm...I don't know what I am but I grew up with a mom who baked cookies in the suburbs. This shit is scary for me. But I'm mostly scared for you."
I turn around to face him, climbing down the few steps it took until I was finally in front of him again. I decided right then and there, while looking into his brown eyes, that I won't let him go. I will marry him. I will buy him a goddamn house in the suburbs and he could bake all the cookies he wants.
"Are you still my fiancé??" I ask, knowing well that I wouldn't accept any other answer other than a yes. He bit his lip, eyes getting teary and looked into my eyes for brief moment. Fuck, he's going to say no and leave me.
I looked to the side and blinked the tears away.
"I'm going with you. I won't allow you to walk to your death and if you die, then I will follow you into the afterlife. Fuck. I'm in too fucking deep to give you up now." He said. My eyes snap back to his. I hug him tightly.
"Oh, thank fuck. I really thought I'd have to kidnap you and tie you to my bed." I half joked.
Ezra hugs me back and buries his face into the crook of my neck.
"That's not creepy at all." He said sarcastically. I chuckled.
"Come on. My sister must be having a total mental breakdown in my apartment." I said, as I tug him back up the stairs. As I approached, my door I realized I left it wide open in a rush to catch Ezra. I walk in and find my sister sitting on the couch with a mug of coffee in her hands. Her face stained with tears and runny makeup. I crouch down in front of her, taking away the mug in her hands and setting it down on the table. I hold her hands.
"Lily, you don't have to be afraid. I'll keep you safe. Haven't I always kept you safe?? I'm going to end this once and for all. You won't have to hide anymore." I said softly to her. She looks down at our hands and nods her head.
"But what if you die??" She whispers.
"I've tried dying. Death just doesn't want me. So you're stuck with me for a long time, twinsie." I said, trying to reassure her. She gives me a small smile that doesn't reach her eyes.
"Listen, stay here. I've got a few things to do but I will be back and we can order pizza or something." I told her. I stood up and kissed her forehead. I walk towards my man and kissed him softly on the lips.
"Stay with her. I'll be right back." He looked at me with worry etched on his face. I kissed him, lingering a little longer than I anticipated. I quickly walked out of my apartment. I got in my car. My first stop was a jewelry store. I bought Ezra a ring. My second stop was two hours away. A secret place in the woods. I retrieve my guns and cash in a duffel bag. I throw the bag in the backseat of my car. Half the day is gone now. My third stop was Ezra's apartment. I picked his lock and walked in. I packed his clothes in a bag and wrote instructions for him to follow in case I do die. I need him safe. I put cash and a gun in as well. I throw his bag in the backseat of my car.