Breaking up with Jack was the worst feeling in the world. I've completely ruined people's lives by messing up before and shooting the wrong people. I've made people die because I messed up and this feeling I have is still so much more worse. Maybe it's because this time I did it knowing it would hurt someone innocent. I knew he would be in pain, but yet I still did. I feel so completely guilty. I know he is crying and that he is in pain, and that truly destroys me.
It's not just guilt though. I feel the way Jack does because I miss him the way he misses me. I so badly want to hold him against me and kiss him and make love to him. I wanna see his smile and his sparkling eyes, hear his laugh, hold his hands. I want to so badly, but what's the point? We'll just be miserable in any situation. Our lives are doom. We can't have a family together. It's impossible.
It's funny. I remember a time when I thought nothing was impossible. Now look at me.
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New Year's is always a fun time. Mostly because it's the number one day of the year when you get hammered. I told Jack that he could drink as much as he wanted and I would stay sober to take care of Beau. Children could still come to the party, but most went to bed and it's completely safe to leave a child home alone. If it's a baby then one parent normally goes with them, but since there's really no crime at all in our world it's fine to leave them home. Though since Winnie is still pregnant she only planned to stay around midnight and would look after Beau. I still didn't plan on drinking so I could make sure Jack got home and because Beau didn't like sleeping if we weren't in the house. He would sleep easily if we were in the house, but if we're not then he has trouble.
Anyway, we gathered at the court house again and partied and drank, waiting for a new year.
Time is a man-made object, and once the first calendar was born Father Time came along. He's kind of like the first magical being like ourselves. The first calendar was made many years ago and to Father Time, all calendars apply to him. He sees time very differently than we do. He can literally see this as the past or the future or the present, while it's only the present to us. So that's how Eli is pretty smart, except in history. He hates that. Also, he's quite the dumbass when it comes to common sense.
"I love margaritas," Jack told me. He downed his entire glass of margarita. "I also really fancy wine." He grabbed a glass of wine and downed it, too. It's a good thing we can't get alcohol poisoning, but we sure as hell can get horrible hangovers.
"You'll regret this tomorrow, Jack," I told him.
"Nonsense. The only thing I'm going to regret is not indulging myself. Also, I'll regret not have your dick indulge my mouth."
I smiled down at him. "You're gonna pass out pretty soon, Jack. There's no way in hell you can give me a blow job later."
"Fine. I'll give you one now." He grabbed my belt and kissed my neck.
"Jack." I pulled him off of me, ignoring some of the stares. He nearly tripped from my slight movement and I held him up. "I love knowing that you're going to remember out first New Year's together."
"I'm going to remember this. I won't remember it in a few more drinks, though."
"Don't drink till midnight then."
"Fine."
We waited until a minute before midnight and everyone gathered together to count down.
"I know I'm trashed right now Cupid, but I love you," Jack told me, almost ready to pass out and collapse, leaning against me.
