always & forever

49 | no one to call

this chapter will contain many subjects or deeper thoughts of menatl illness and if anything like that triggers you, you might skip this chapter <3 . if anyone of you deals with mental illness or with problems in general , remember i'm always here for you to talk to . if you need someone , just text me 🫶🏼 .

AMARAS POV

i woke up due my doorbell which was the least i had expected to ever wake up to .

„what the fuck man"

gavi was awake as you can hear .

„i'll go get it"

i went down and peeked through the door .

„xavi!"

„happy late birthday mi hija! i'm sorry that i couldn't be here , but you know barcelona has financial problems , so i needed to travel a bit to handle that . i'm sorry"

„it's okay"

it isn't .

„why are you still asleep? it's like 10am?"

„long story"

„have you gone to a club?"

„what? oh my good no , never again . i will go upstairs now and sleep a little more , still tired and stuff , love you"

„te quiero"

i went upstairs to see gavi has not moved by an inch .

„who was it?"

„xavi , he's back again"

i sighed and crawled into bed again , turning my back to him .

i was about to fall asleep again when i heard gavis voice .

„am i a joke to you?"

i turned around .

„what? no!"

„don't look away from me i want to see you"

i blushed at that and hid my face in my pillow . then i closed my eyes and fell asleep , feeling his eyes on me .

„i'm going to the funeral"

that's what pablo told me when we arrived at his house and he left the day after to visit his family .

i then got a text from pedri in which he tells me that gavi will stay for another week to spend some time with his family .

the first day without him was different , the second one was depressing and the third one was devastating .

i missed him more than i thought i would . in these last days he really really grew on me , more than i expected .

it got so far , that i even wore his t-shirt for sleep because i need him or atleast something of him near me to sleep well . is that weird? for some people it might be , but i just miss him . i need him and i never knew how much until now .

it was the 3rd evening after gavi left , pedri was on a camping trip or something with balde and their familes and sira and ferran were in dubai for vacation . xavi was gone again too . so basically , i was alone and without someone to talk to .

i haven't left my room for 2 days now , only for the necessary things . i didn't want to text any of my friends , i don't want to disturb them on their trip . the only one i would've called was pedri , but on his camping trip with alejandro and his family , there isn't any wifi or data .

the worst was , no one checked up on me . i stared at my phone , hoping someone would in any way possible , contact me , but no one did .

everyone was busy with their families . that's what made me so „depressed" last days , i had no family left . well , not near me . i have jude and jamal , but they're both back at training aswell and my related ones live in serbia or argentina where i'm originally from .

i haven't eaten much and i don't plan on doing so .

something inside of me broke the fourth day socially excluded and i started to hurt myself again , hoping it will somehow ease the pain that was inside me . suprise , it didn't work , but that's what kept me making to do it . i want to feel anything but this pain that no one seems to care about me . my only hope was pedri right now because he actually had an excuse . i didn't think gavi would ever contact me , but a little part of me hoped he would . but no , i haven't gotten any signs from him .

since no one stopped me from harming myself , i didn't have the strength to do it too . all those overthinking questions ran around my head and i really don't know how to stop them from appearing in my brain . my nightmares started to come back again , for the first time since i moved here . i dreamt of any possible things that already happened in my life , wether it was about my parents , the two times i got raped , the time i got touched by a strange man or my worst one , when gavi told me those horrible things that reminded me too much of my father .

every night , i woke up , crying , panicking , out of breath and last , with no one to call .

this whole week was probably one of the worsts of my whole life . i didn't even know that pedri returned , before he showed up in my room .

PEDRIS POV

i got back from my trip and went over to amara to check up on her , only to see if she was alright . i came in with my spare key and found her in her room , sitting on her bed with a oversized t-shirt which looked a bit too much like pablos , she looked so ... tired? like mentally drained and not like she's about to sleep .

„amor? are you okay?"

„pedri?"

„i'm right here"

„you aren't going to get killed like in all of my dreams? are you really here?"

„come stand up and give me a hug then"

she then stood up very hesitantly , but as soon as she realized i was in fact in her room , she wrapped her arms around me .

„amor are you okay?"

„no pedri , i am not"

and then my best friend told me how she had nightmares , no one to talk to , felt alone and everyone has been with her family except for her because she had none .

i sometimes forget about amaras childhood because she puts on a perfect act to hide her sadness from me and everyone else . when she told me that she had no family left , it made me think for a long time . i don't know what i would do if i've lost my parents or my brother and i really don't want to know .

i only know that those last days were shitty for amara and that i want my happy amy back again .

end of chapter 49 🫶🏼

sorry for not updating, family problems guys

this was more of a depressing and mental health chapter , i just want you all to understand amaras feelings and choices in the future

i love you all

aleyna