always & forever

71 | i couldn't do that

AMARAS POV

last days have been going well , pablo was completely healthy again and was back to annoying pedri during training and dragging me along with him because „i need to watch" . it wasn't boring because i had no better things to do either , but watching them every day doing literally the same thing for more than 2 hours can get boring sometimes . today , i made a huge mistake and told xavi everything that was going on between me and pablo . from our break up in qatar , to me dating joão and him anya , to him yelling at me and breaking my heart , until getting back together .

„what did he tell you?"

„xavi it's nothing really , we're both over it!"

„what did he fucking tell you?"

„he told me that ... that i was the problem and k make everything worse for him in barcelona blah blah blah , but that was long time ago and we are good now i promise!"

„he told you that you're the problem?"

„i mean yes , but-"

„did he make you cry more than once?"

„yes"

„enough , you're not coming near to him ever again"

„xavi , i love you , but separating me from pablo will only make me more sad! xavi he is my home even if he told me those things , i don't care anymore because i am over it and forgave him!"

„amara! enough! you are not coming near him ever again , understand?"

„no i don't understand! xavi i am eighteen years old and very capable of choosing what's best for me and right now the best thing for me is gavi!"

„i won't argue with you or do you want me to tell him what your parents did to you?"

„he already knows don't you get it? he knows me better than most people and definitely better than you!"

„i still have the custody of you and it will take months until that goes away , so if you don't stop seeing him , i won't hesitate and send you back to germany!"

in that moment , i didn't recognize xavi anymore . why would he ever leash out like that? i mean i love that he's protective over me , it's nice of him , but wanting to separate me from gavi and sending me to germany? that's a bit too far even for him . i am an adult and can choose for myself who i want to be with . he should respect that .

sadly he didn't and didn't stop arguing with me until i eventually needed to give in .

„if i see you with him again , you're going back and that is a promise!"

i was fucked . i really wanted to tell gavi or pedri or sira or mikky or just anyone here , but even if xavi did this to me , i don't want any of them to have a ruined image of him . i know that they all , especially pedri and gavi , idolize xavi or at least look up to him and i don't want to change that .

but what do i do now?

i basically have no other choice than breaking up with gavi .

deciding that it would be best to talk about it with someone , i called none other than jude .

„jude i need your help"

i wasn't far away from tearing up because those informations needed a while to sink in and for me to comprehend everything .

„what's wrong? did your spanish lover hurt you?"

why is he always assuming that?

„no , but i am probably about to hurt him"

only thinking about doing that and leaving him , my eyes watered . i couldn't do that . my heart couldn't do that .

„what? now you have some explaining to do bestie"

so i told him everything xavi has said to me and i can tell by the way he gasped sometimes that he was very shocked too by xavis actions .

„that's so unfair! you were getting better and now he ruins everything again! he can't just do it like that"

now my tears were flowing .

„i think he can jude . what can i do? if i talk to pablo , i need to go , if i don't, i will go too"

just not to germany , i'll go to my parents .

„amy no! we won't do that again , how about you talk to him like tomorrow or anything and-"

„that's the problem! xavi wants me to text him while he is standing there next to me checking if i really do as he said . jude i don't know what to do anymore! if i break up with pablo for literally no reason he will be heartbroken and so will i be , i would loose pedri too! pedri! i'll loose pedri too i cannot-"

„amy calm down , it's okay , we will figure it out okay? and even if xavi sends you back to germany , you know where you'll find me or jamal!"

„how will we figure this out then?"

he sighed at that .

„i think that's your decision to make ams , not mine"

that's easy for him to say .

„what would you do in my position?"

„uhm , probably brushing my teeth for eternity because i touched gaviras lips!"

i laughed at that .

„jude , i'm serious!"

„i'm serious too what do you mean?"

the sad thing is , i know that he would really do that .

„but i would sleep the night about it and maybe you'll be able to decide better tomorrow . let's talk about something else to cheer you up hm?"

„yes please"

we talked for another hour , mostly about his accent and his german skills ( he doesn't have any ) . in the end , i needed to agree that the brum accent is the best because he needed to agree that he can't speak german except the word „alter" mixed up with some other words .

for example ; „my english alter falter" or the classical type „was alter?" .

„i'll sleep now , but i am going to text or call you tomorrow okay?"

„okay , sleep well , love you"

„you too , love you more"

before he had the ability to reply , i hung up .

what will i do?

end of chapter 71 🫶🏼

what's amara going to do???

i love you all so so much

aleyna