always & forever

8 | bambi

TIMSKIP

it's one month later now , the day were barça plays against bayern , i corrected myself in chapter five as i wrote in one week but i let's pretend i wrote 1 month from the start thank you <3 . amara and gavi have gotten very close , he is suspecting that something bad happend in her past , due her medusa tattoo , but he's too shy to speak up about it and amara is too afraid that he will judge her to tell him the story . enjoy :))

AMARAS POV

today was the game against bayern for barcelona and i am so happy to see all of my friends from bayern again , as they come to barcelona . i've been jumping around the whole day , being as motivated as ever . but that's only for today tho . i will be honest , my mental health hasn't gotten any better . i still talk to no one about how i get nervous when people are watching me , how often i cry myself to sleep because i cannot stop thinking about this one night and how often i wake up afterwards , having dreamt of it . how i still think about what would have happened if my parents had been better humans and how i miss the way they were back in brazil . how i think about what i was gonna do . i am 17 , i got out of school after 10 years and i don't even rudimentary know what to do with my life . how i still get quiet panic attacks but no one notices . i mean i still talk to antoine , jude and jamal , but it isn't the same over the phone . i have all this burden bottled up in me and i was on the edge . like a thin thread that is about to break . i don't know if anybody even noticed that i have stopped to talk and ramble so much as i used to . back in germany . barcelona is great , that's a fact , but i miss my germany self . i like the people here , but i want my german friends back . that's how it is right now . i vented to jude about it and being the bestest best friend , he knew exactly what comforted me and how to make me laugh again . the only time i have a small break from everything is when i'm with gavi . not always , but on days were everything is atleast half-okay i can shut all of it down when i'm with him . my feelings towards him only grew stronger during this time as we hung out way more . but still , i felt like if i tell him about everything that's going on , he'll judge me or see me differently . i don't want that . i hate it when people see how broken my past is or how vulnerable i really am . it's easier if they don't .

right now i am standing infront of the entry where the players will arrive . the barcelona players are already here , but the cabins aren't cleaned yet , so they wait here with me .
after a while i saw the guys walking towards the door and someone opened it . first i saw manuel neuer , (he isn't injured yet!) than thomas müller after him kimmich and goretzka and then there he was . my best friend .

„bambiii"

i nearly screamed and he quickly pushed the others aside to hug me . as soon as our skins collided i felt like i was home again . he held me close and kissed my hair .

„ich bin so unglaublich froh dass du da bist"
-> i am so unbelievably happy that you are here

„ich auch , ich hab es nicht ausgehalten ohne dich ist es so langweilig nh"
-> me too , i couldn't bear without you , it was boring

that made me laugh . a few tears escaped my eyes but he wiped them away .

„wie lange bleibst du?"
-> how long do you stay?

„ich konnte julian überreden dass ich die nacht heute und morgen bei dir bleiben kann . natürlich nur wenn das für euch auch oke ist?"
-> i could convince julian to stay here today and tomorrow night with you . only if that's okay with you of course?

„jaa omg bitte"
-> yesss please

(a/n: i'll write the continuing conversation of jamal and amara in english as i don't have the motivation to write everything twice , just imagine that they are speaking german please)