Drown (Doomed sequel) - Oli Sykes fanfiction

5. And I can't take

CW: Discussions of pregnancy and immortality, mentions of mistrust, some angst and some very brief smut.

By the time they woke up after the previous night, it was almost lunchtime. As was usual for Oli and Mia, they woke tangled into one another with soft raspy kisses and touches that would usually turn into more, but this morning, they were more than content with each other's company.

"I can't believe Josh is a dad now!" Oli chuckled as they chatted, neither of them wanting to move from the warmth of their bed.

"I know!" Mia mused. "It looks so good on him though, and Lisa was a natural too. That reminds me, what did you two talk about when you left?"

"Oh, I sort of inadvertently upset him," Oli shrugged. "It wasn't intentional, it was more how he interpreted something I said, but it's sorted now."

Mia just looked at him curiously. She had a feeling there was more to it, but she knew there were some things that remained unspoken between Oli and Josh. Even with the ups and downs they'd had, there was history and it wasn't going anywhere.

Oli's head was elsewhere though. The image of Mia holding baby James was etched into the forefront of his mind and he knew the only way to shake it was to talk about it. It fucking scared him though. He'd watched Jordan and Lee's kids grow up, but they were both born before Mia was on the scene - before the bond with Josh had been broken.

Mia wriggled against him, tracing the lines of his chest with a finger, even though she knew them all by memory at this point.

"Hey, love?" Oli finally managed to breathe out.

Mia tilted her head up to look at him, her brow furrowing when she saw the deep frown lines on his forehead and she sat up straight, pulling Oli up by his hands to face her.

"What's going on, Oli?"

"It's nothing," Oli shook his head, trying to form the words he needed to say. "It's just... ugh I don't know!"

Mia's frown deepened. It wasn't like Oli to get flustered or awkward like this, especially not around her.

"Oli, you're scaring me now," Mia squeezed his hand reassuringly. "What on earth has got you all riled up suddenly?"

Oli squeezed back and swallowed thickly.

"I was just thinking about last night. After Josh and I came in and you were holding James."

"Oh my gosh, he was so cute!" Mia gushed. "And so tiny! And the way he yawned..."

Mia trailed off as she noticed Oli staring intently at her.

"You looked like a natural holding him and it broke my heart a little bit," Oli admitted sadly. "I don't know if that's something you ever wanted, we never really talked about this stuff."

Mia shrugged.

"I just kind of figured it wasn't possible," she replied. "I hadn't thought about it much further than that."

"I mean, it's not entirely impossible," Oli sort of mumbled hesitantly. "It would have been easier while you were still mortal, but-"

"Oli, just stop for a minute," Mia interrupted. "What on earth is all this about really?"

Oli shrugged and ran his hand through his hair with a deep sigh.

"I just feel like I stole that chance from you."

"Seriously?" Mia said exasperatedly. "This whole thing was my choice, just like you said it would be. If I had any doubts at all, about wanting a family, or anything, I'd have said so back then!"