Drown (Doomed sequel) - Oli Sykes fanfiction

27. What doesn't destroy you

A/N: The start of this is a bit different to usual. It's written from Oli's POV (first person) because I needed to relay his feelings and this was the best way to do so. When it changes back to Mia, it switches back to third person.

CW/TW: Thoughts of worthlessness, hopelessness, despair, suicidal thoughts and potentially triggering content surrounding suicide and death. More talk of death, guilt about leaving loved ones behind, anxiety and panic/fainting attacks, overthinking other people's opinions. I think that's everything.

OLI

Everything is so fucked. As soon as I left Josh's place, I felt horrifically guilty for how I took my anger out on him. I wish I hadn't and now he probably hates me. Lisa too. I just needed to focus my anger somewhere else, or fuck knows what I would have done to Josh.

Then I got home and everything fucked up even more. I wanted to believe Josh so badly! Everything screamed at me as I tried to calm down, picking up Mia's llama plushie from the sofa and inhaling her barely-there scent from it. She'd been gone so long it had almost completely faded, but the tiniest hint that was left gave me some hope...

But that was ripped out from under my feet when I opened the laptop and saw the pictures I'd been sent. It confirmed everything I didn't want to believe and I lost my shit. The llama stuffie took the worst of it and I tossed its carcass on the floor as I stormed out, knocking my half-drunk coffee flying.

I didn't know what I needed to do, except that I needed to leave. I pocketed a few portal spheres, not knowing how much charge any of them had left and as soon as it was safe, I set them off one at a time. I've learned to be able to tell when they're getting close to the end and I know once they're out, they're untraceable.

So now I've ended up here. I think I've been here before but my brain won't let me remember anything about it. I know it's not England, but that's as much as I can tell. I've seen very few people which is just how I need it to be. I keep my head down and keep walking, willing myself not to cry until I am alone enough to do so.

Even then, the tears don't fall. I find myself in a dry land that's like a desert. It's hot and the air is almost completely devoid of moisture. The islands dotted around me are all the same: completely uninhabited by people; mortal or otherwise. The heat is stifling and I can barely breathe.

I can hear the ocean crashing between the islands, but the sea does nothing for the humidity; if anything, the saltiness in the air adds to it and chokes me as it fills my lungs. I don't care though; in fact, I barely notice it. It's all just background noise; smells; feelings. All I feel is numb and that's all I want to feel.

I wander over to the edge of the island, peering out across the ocean to one of the smaller ones. The sea mist rises and makes the horizons barely visible, but that just makes them all the more appealing. All I want is to be invisible. I close my eyes and after making sure I'm definitely alone, I focus on the island through the sea mist and let my feet lift from the ground.

I had almost forgotten how free flying makes me feel and for those couple of minutes I'm in the air, I feel almost at peace. It's like my soul leaves my body - except I don't technically have a soul. This thought remains in my head as my feet touch down on the barren land. The ground here is softer, but just as dry.

I start to feel light headed and open the pouch I grabbed on the way out, tossing back a vial of synth. There's only five in here, but my plan hasn't really been thought through. I don't even know if I have a plan, to be honest. I just want to be alone to process everything, but I don't know what the outcome will be. Either way, five vials of synth should last me around five days. After that? Who knows at this point.