Love is blind

Kimberly

When I got home at three o'clock I immediately went to the gym. I had a good time there for two hours. After a long shower I packed my bags. Then I impatiently waited until it was eight o'clock. So that I can finally call Silvia. "What are you doing awake?" I can tell she really just woke up. "Do I have important appointments in the near future?". "Also good morning". "It's not that good. Do I have appointments or not?". There is a moment of silence on the other end of the line. "Kimberly what is going on and where are you? ". I can hear the concern in Silvia's voice. "At home and it doesn't matter. Would you please see if I have any appointments." "I'll be with you as soon as possible." Silvia hung up the phone before I could respond. I try to call her back, but she doesn't answer.

Half an hour later Silvia storms into my bedroom. "What happened?". I think she can see now that I cried all night. "Can you please tell me if you have already looked at my appointments". Silvia walks over to me and gives me a hug. I want to free myself from her arms, but that only makes her hold me tighter. Which makes my tears start to flow harder again. Only when she notices that I'm a bit calmer again does she let go of me. I sit on my bed. "Have you already looked for me or not?". Silvia looks at me with a worried look and sits down next to me. "I want to know what's going on first." I sigh. "Yesterday I went home with Julia after the gala. I fell asleep while watching a movie. Julia woke me up when I had a nightmare". Silvia nods in understanding. "I understand that you are upset that Julia saw that you had a nightmare, but that is no reason to react in this way." I shake my head. "You do not understand". My tears are starting to come again. "What not?". I put my hands in front of my face. "I-it wasn't Vince this time". Silvia puts an arm over my shoulders. I get up right away. "I don't need your pity now. I want to know if I have any appointments". Silvia nods in understanding. "I already looked for you. I can clear your calendar for the next two weeks if you wish. What are you up to?". How glad I am that Silvia can always remain so calm. "Yes, do that. I have to get out of here as soon as possible". Silvia's worried look only gets worse. "What are you going to do and where do you want to go?". I shrug. "I think I will go to my house in Sweden". Silvia takes out her phone. She is busy right away.

After fifteen minutes Silvia gets up. "Our flight leaves in an hour and a half". I shake my head. "Sil, I'm going alone." She looks at me. "I can't let you go alone like this." I sigh. "I must be alone. You can't just leave for two weeks." She looks at me with a small smile. "I do need a vacation. If you want I'll leave you there alone, but at least I'll be around if you need someone". I walk over to her and give her a quick hug. "Thank you. I don't know what to do without you." "Yeah, yeah, it's all right. Get your things now. We also have to my house to collect my things".

The first week in Sweden I completely isolated myself. I spent most of the time with my sketchbook in my hands. Fortunately, Silvia left me alone all this time. I've been sitting on the porch swing for a few hours now when Silvia joins me. "Hey," I say with a small smile. She tries to give me a smile back, but fails miserably. "Are you ready to talk yet?" I put my sketchbook on the table. Silvia looks at the page that is open and actually gets a small smile on her face. "Have you been drawing her all week?". I nod. "Kimberly, would you please tell me what's going on." I sigh. "I can't lose her Sil". I get up and kick some things aside. "I am so afraid. I've only just met Julia, but she already means so much to me. I can't explain it either." I look desperately at Silvia. "Just sit and relax." I just do what she says. Fortunately, Silvia has experienced me like this before and knows how to handle it. "First tell me what happened after the gala". I immediately feel my tears again. "It was her, Sil. This time it wasn't Vince but Julia. It seemed so real. I thought I had lost her too". Silvia gets up and then sits down next to me. She takes my hand. "Kimberly, Julia is still here. She's not going anywhere either." I look at Silvia with my tearful face. "You really like her, don't you?" I nod. "And I also know that things could never work out between us. At least no more than a friendship and that's okay too". Silvia looks at me with a small smile. "I wouldn't be so sure about that, but we'll talk about that another time. How come you are in this state now. There must be more going on to make you so upset." I feel my tears running down my cheeks. "I am so scared Silvia. I want to get to know Julia better, but what if she's just like everyone else. I haven't let anyone into my life in recent years and suddenly there's Julia. I don't know if I dare open up to let her in. I can't stand being used again". When I hear Silvia laughing I look at her. "You haven't figured it out yet, have you?" I look at her questioningly. "Kimberly, you already let her in. I get that you're scared. But remember, not everyone has bad intentions. There are so many good people out there and Julia is one of them. Sometimes you have to take the risk if you think something is worth it. If you really think Julia wants to hurt you, then you should let her go. But be honest. I think you yourself know very well that she is worth the risk. Whether it's for a friendship or more, you have to find out for yourself, but I really think Julia will make your life more fun". I look at her with a small smile. "Are you sure you didn't choose the wrong profession? You can get started as a psychologist in no time". She gives me a little nudge. "I already have you as a patient, that is more than enough. I almost have to visit one myself for that," she says with a laugh. "I'm sorry I always bore you with my problems." She shakes her head. "No seriously Silvia. You are the only one I can turn to and who is always there for me. I really don't know what to do without you. I also really need to apologize for how I treated you. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that last week and I shouldn't have ignored you like that this week. Sorry". I now also see watery eyes with Silvia. "You really don't have to apologize for that, but I do appreciate you doing it. I know how much pain you are in and how hard you find life. I'm glad I can be there for you. Remember, no matter what you do or say, I will always love you." I give her a kiss on her forehead. "I love you too and it will never change. And now I've had enough of all this serious stuff. It is now time to enjoy another week here".