Love is blind

Kimberly

After dinner, Julia and I sat down on the couch. "Can I show you something? " she asks me a bit uncertainly. "What do you want to show me? ". I can see she's hesitating. "Photos from the past. I have several that have your father on them and your brother too". I suddenly get a smile on my face. "I would like to see them". I can see the relief in Julia's face after my reaction. She gets up and walks to her bedroom. Not much later she returns with some photo albums. "Are you sure? If you don't want it, you can just say". Julia joins me on the couch again. "I like looking at pictures of my brother. And these I've probably never seen before". I move closer to Julia so that we can look at the photos together. I really love seeing these photos, although it is also difficult.

"What? is that you? "I ask in amazement when I see a picture of Julia with Vincent on a carousel. "Yes why? ". Julia looks at me a bit surprised. "Vincent has talked about you before". "Oh". Is all she says. "Yes, he always talked about a girl, who he always played with as a small child. He was talking about this , which if I'm right, your father had made. And that the girl was suddenly gone and that he was curious where you would be". The whole expression on Julia's face changes. I can see the pain in her. "To the other side of England". She says it so softly that I can hardly hear it. I look at her. "You don't want to talk about it, do you? ". She shakes her head. "Fine ". Without saying anything else, we continue looking at the photos.

After a while, Julia suddenly stands up. "I'm going to do the dishes". I look at her for a moment, because I can sense that something is wrong. I just don't know what it is. "Do I need to help you? ". She shakes her head. "You just keep looking at the pictures. It's just a little bit anyway". I'll just go through the pictures. "Why were you so distant all the time after the gala? Did I do something wrong? ". I hear Julia ask from the kitchen after a while. I can hear it does something to her. I understand her question all too well. Anyway, I'm glad she's still talking to me. I really haven't behaved well with her these past few weeks. After I came back from Sweden I mostly ignored her. I've really tried to distance myself from her, but I just can't. Today Silvia convinced me for the umpteenth time that Julia is worth the risk. Somehow I also know that she is right, but it remains difficult. But when I'm with Julia like now it doesn't seem to be that difficult at all. Everything in me screams that I want to be near Julia and have her in my life.

I sit on the counter next to the sink. "I'm a little embarrassed that I fell asleep and also that I woke up like that. I also needed time to sort things out. I'm sorry". Julia comes and stands between my legs. "You don't have to be ashamed of that. I can see how tired you are and you are certainly don't have to be ashamed of your nightmare. That's something you can't do anything about. Do you often have them? ". It makes me feel good that she say this. "I've regularly have them since Vincent's death, only this time it was different. Which made me even more upset. If you don't mind I don't want to talk about it any further." She gives me a small smile. "Okay, then I'll stop. If you do want to talk about it, I'm here for you". I wrap my arms around her to give her a hug. "Thank you. It is also the other way around. As I said earlier, you really don't change for me. You are and will always be beautiful". I caress her back and kiss her on the head. Julia also wraps her arms around me. We stay in that position for a while.

After a while we go back to the living room. Julia takes a seat in the corner of the couch. I want to sit in a armchair. "You can come here. You worked hard. Maybe you'd rather lie down." Julia says it a bit uncertainly. I'm in doubt. I decide to lie down on the couch and lay my head on her lap. "Don't you find this annoying? ". Julia shakes her head. She immediately starts playing with my hair. I close my eyes and immediately feel completely relaxed. "Hey sweetheart, have you done all your homework? ". I suddenly hear Julia say. I sit up in shock. I feel my head getting hot. Julia looks at me with a sweet smile. "Almost. I only have to do math, but I don't understand it at all," says Sem. "Show me what to do". Sem wants to give the book to his mother. "How about I help you? ". I don't know where it comes from that I ask that. But the smile on Sem's face is more than worth it. "Do you really want to do that? ". He asks in a mixture of surprise and enthusiasm. I nod and get up to sit with him at the kitchen island.

I calmly explain things to Sem. He soon begins to understand. I really like doing it. We regularly hand out a high five when he gets something right. "Mom, I totally get it now," he shouts proudly after a while to Julia, who is on the couch with a book. I have a big smile on my face. "Well let's see then". Julia walks towards us. She comes up behind me and rests her chin on my shoulder. Sem shows Julia what I taught him. Meanwhile I took Julia's hands and wrapped them around my waist. I enjoy this moment intensely. I know this kind of thing isn't really smart, but I just can't help it. As long as I leave it at that, I'm not jeopardizing our friendship.

"Mom couldn't have explained it to you that well. The advantage is that you can now go to bed on time ". I can hear the laughter in Julia's voice. "Aaa.... Mom can't I stay up a little longer? ". Sem looks at his mother pleading. "Yeah mom, it's his birthday and he deserved to stay up a little longer. Look how well he did this". Julia sighs exaggeratedly when I help Sem. "Yeah two against one. I can't argue with this. Just this once, but first you'll put on your pajamas. Otherwise it will take another hour." With a smile Sem leaves for his bedroom. "Thanks," says Julia and kisses me on the back of my head. "For what? ". She lets go of me. "For everything ".

Julia and I sat down on the couch again. "What do you want to watch Sem? " asks Julia, when Sem falls into the armchair. "I think there is soccer on ". Julia puts on the right channel. It's nice to see how Sem is completely into it right away. I don't like it at all and hang a bit against the armrest. I try hard not to fall asleep. "Not your thing?" Julia asks me softly. "Sorry, is it so obvious? ". Julia laughs. "Come". She taps her hand on her thigh. I nod my head towards Sem, to ask if that's okay, that he sees that. "Yeah come ". I lie back down and rest my head on her lap. Immediately Julia starts playing with my hair again. "Soccer isn't that bad after all," I say with a big smile on my face. I look at Julia for a moment, if she remains silent, and see a beautiful smile on her face.

After a while I wake up. "Sorry," I say as I sit up. I can't see Sem anymore. There is also a blanket over me. "It's okay, Kimberly. I already told you that. If you hadn't needed it, you wouldn't have fallen asleep." I can see in Julia's eyes that she means what she says. Unfortunately it is now time to go home.

As soon as I'm home I'm going to lie in the bath for a while to recover from a nice evening. I've also decided that I'm going to put my fear aside and let Julia into my life. I can't do anything else, because it just happens automatically. When I'm in bed I grab my phone.

K: Sleep well and if you do then good morning beautiful.

I don't get a response back, so I think she's already gone to sleep. I myself had another crappy night. As soon as my phone rings and I see that Julia has sent me a message back, that crappy night is completely forgotten.

J: Good morning Sunshine. Sleep well?

K: The standard so to speak. You?

J: I wish I could help you get a good night's rest. I slept well. Thank you for the way you treated Sem.

K: You are sweet and Sem is a cutie. See you later

J: I'm only sweet to those who deserve it ;). See you soon Sunshine

I start the day with a big smile on my face. I can't wait for lunch time.