Let me start over

delulu

11:45am

Why didn't Alice ask about the situation with Tori? I kissed a girl who's with someone and I knew it. She cheated. How does Tori feel about all of this? I feel horrible for my actions. It should've never gone that far even if I was feeling her. 

I'm at my apartment and I'm cooking some ramen. Today is a chill day, I wanna look at the papers Alice gave me and find a way to get in contact with Tori so that I can get her side. Why did she initiate the kiss though she's in a relationship? How is this making her feel? I don't know if I'm doing the most, but I certainly hope she's up for conversation. 

Tori

Walking along the sidewalk with Omari I can't help but to think about that night with Lani it's something I never thought I would do considering I'm in a relationship. Even though he's not the best, doesn't give me the right to step out. 

We come to a stop, and I look over at him. "What's on your mind Tori? You haven't said a word since we started walking." He raises his eyebrows waiting for an answer. 

I look at him in his eyes. "I just haven't been feeling us lately Omari. Everything has been everywhere these past couple of months and not to mention you left me at a party that we came together in. I was drunk and had to go home with a complete stranger!" 

"Calm down Tori." He softly says as he guides us over to a nearby bench. "I'm sorry for leaving you that night, but your friend was being rude for no reason. I don't like to stay where I'm not welcome."

"No reason? You treat me like I'm nothing most days, it's always up and down with you O. D knows that too" I say getting up staring down at him. 

"You know why he knows that? Because you make that known with every conversation you have with him. Me and you are none of his business, good or bad." He states staring ahead. 

Rolling my eyes, I sigh and speak. "You're right, that's our business." I sit back down and grab his hand. "Our relationship will no longer be a topic of conversation with my friends any longer."

"Tori. Whatever you're feeling about me, or our relationship needs to only be brought up between you and me. I will work on saying what I have to when I feel a way instead of walking away and you need to keep whatever we got going on between only us. Unless we say otherwise, then things can be shared. I love you and what we have going on but we both gotta show up for this."

Omari is a good guy; he just had his moments. If he says we can work on this and he's gonna do his part this time, then I'll try again. With that comes the truth so I have to find a way to tell him what happened the other night if I want this to work. Trust has never been an issue so this is probably gonna hurt more than I want it to.

"I love you too." I say with a kiss to his lips. After that we get up and continue our walk.

9:00pm - Lani

Looking at the papers earlier today has led me to believe I may be lesbian and asexual. I've ever only had failed talking stages with many people. Never kissed, never been on a date, nothing! I'm not that interested in sex which can get complicated really quick, but I might just be thinking that because I've never found anyone who shares the same mind as me. Which led me to me to believe I might be sapiosexual. It's a lot to unpack here but I hope to talk about this further with Alice later this week. 

"So, you kissed my girl and now you think you wanna be with her even though she's in a relationship? I got that correct?" D ask.

I was on the phone with Destin talking about the night with Tori. 

"Yes, that's correct." I laugh. I sound so stupid thinking I could actually be with her. 

"Lani?" 

"Yes?" I bit my lip.

"You're delusional and that's ok but she's not leaving that man if he doesn't first. Which is sad and I've told her, but she listens to no one chilllllee" He states. 

"I might be" I shrug. "What's so good about him though?" I ask very curious. 

"He's soft spoken and charming. Pretty skin, perfect teeth, voice like no other. I don't blame her but he's so wishy washy and I don't like that. The thing with him though is up and leaves without explanation and no there's telling what he's doing when he's gone. Then he comes back and apologizes, and she acts like everything is fine." He says while cursing under his breath. 

"I don't get it and I'm not finna act like I do but I was hoping you could give me her number so I can talk to her about that night and how she's feeling about everything." I state hoping he would. 

"Ok miss I don't like women but if anything, she's fell back into his trap so don't think you're gonna get what you want out of this Lani." He says in a serious tone.

"Copy that, thank you." I sincerely say. 

"Anything for my in denial sistaaaaa!!" He yells hanging up. 

I don't wanna get my hopes up with anything. I just hope she's on the same page as me. 

...

Thank you for reading, I appreciate you so much. <3