let's call this a trial run book.. a free trial.
i love writing, the imagination, and creativity. with that being said, this is something new for me.. writing a book and letting people read it. i have no idea what i'm doing but the first step is to...
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Dear Diary,
This is bigger than me right now. This is a smaller situation. She never really felt she could experience unconditional love and she was always the last to be picked so who would be the one to choose her first this time? She was waiting for me to see that all I needed was myself.
Tori was selfish. She cared about herself when we kissed. I wanted it to happen to and even though it was wrong I didn't want to do just because of my own sensation, I thought she was all in it with me. That she cared for my pleasure as well. She didn't care to ask if she could vent to me before telling me about her whole situation and instead said "I had nothing to worry about and this is not about you". She only cared about how she would get taken care of but where was the care in asking if I cared in the first place? I know the roll I played in this and in no way am I a victim. I'm simply dissecting the situation.
I no longer speak to her and vise versa. It's better this way. I know which way I have to turn and for myself is the way I'm going. This little kid needed me. I may be picked last in some people's stories but for myself I won't be. I'm way more. I'm heartbroken, soft, always last, not always honest, never promised but I can be way more. I now accept that I can be it all.
"Just remember not to chase things that have already passed you. You are more than that, way more."
Now I get it.
Now I will be selfish with myself.
With love, Lani.
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selfish - (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
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Thank you for reading. I appreciate you so much. <3
