Both smiled brighter under the sunlight. [CURRENTLY DISCONTINUED]

Why does this keep happening to us...?

TW: themes of hospitalization, hallucinations, eating disorder, suicide, self harm, vomit, blood, gore, mentions of homophobia, and detailed descriptions of a corpse

major gore will start and end with 🌹

proofread by nightlightcompany

words 3147

Kel POV

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Kel didn't know how to feel about the whole situation. He wanted to help and comfort Basil, even though he was on the verge of a panic attack himself, but he didn't know how. He knew that Sunny was really good at helping with this sort of thing, but he never really sought out comfort. He just plastered a smile on his face and cried whenever he was alone in his room, where nobody could see him and start worrying. 

But now that Basil was without Sunny, he felt like he needed to help, even if he was also hurting. Sunny was his best friend, he always felt more drawn towards the shy and quiet boy more than the others, and he liked him a lot more than a boy should like a boy (or so he was told by the older couples and priest in town). But Sunny was also Basil's best friend. It made sense, since they were basically the exact same. They were perfect for one another.

It hurt Kel so much to know that he couldn't do anything to help, but he at least wanted to try. 

As soon as he wrapped his arms around the bruised and panicking flower boy, he felt like something was wrong. Basil tensed up as soon as he touched him, and he seemed to be getting worse by the second. ...Maybe he didn't want comfort. Maybe he just wanted to be left alone, like Hero did when Mari died.

Although, Hero didn't have a very good coping mechanism, so he didn't want to leave Basil alone, even though he probably needed to be alone. He knew it was selfish, and he knew he should let Hero and Aubrey sort the whole thing out, anyways. They were way better at this than he was, and he felt useless and stupid, just like how his parents always said he was. After all, they were right. He should just shut up, sit down, and let the people who know what they're doing do all of the work like he always has. After all, the few times he tried to help, he only made things worse. Like when they found Mari's body, or when he tried to give Hero some confidence again, or when Basil tried to kill himself, or all of the times he found Basil crying even before Mari's death. He just stepped back, saying nothing, and let everyone else handle it. He really was useless, wasn't he?

Kel let go of Basil and wiped the tears from his eyes (which did nothing, since they just kept falling) and slowly walked out of the room. Nobody followed him or called his name, so he assumed that they didn't know or care that he left, just as it should be. He walked down the stairs with a sick feeling in his stomach, like he was going to puke. The distraught faces of all of his friends left him with a bad taste in his mouth, knowing that he probably could have prevented it all if he tried a little bit harder.

If he just tried harder to keep everyone happy, Mari wouldn't have hung herself. Aubrey wouldn't have bullied Basil to the point of his own attempted suicide. Sunny wouldn't have jumped off of the building, probably already being long gone by now. 

...Wow. He really is a failure. 3 of his closest friends all tried to kill themselves, 1 of them lived, 1 of them died, and the last is probably dead, but he wants to hold on to the miniscule possibility that he could survive, even if it would probably hurt more (physically) if he did.

...Was it my fault?

He stopped walking and thought about this for a short time. ... No. Of course not. They all had their reasons, I helped them for as long as I could...