Addicted to You (Devils Right Hand MC #3)

Chapter 16

THANK YOU ALL FOR ONE THOUSAND READS!!! I can't believe I'm even saying that this early into the book! I'm sorry my updates have been scarce, my grandparents are visiting from out of state so I have been spending as much time with them as possible. But I was able to get this little tidbit out. Buckle up for the next chapter because it's wedding day babies!

Axe's POV

Would she want you to slowly kill yourself by carrying around that guilt? Would she want you to only be half alive?

That phrase echos through my head as I stare at the white ceiling above my bed. Yesterday was hard. It always is. But, for some reason, I don't feel empty today. I don't really know how I feel but it's not the hollowed out feeling in my gut I usually have.

Everybody knows to steer clear of me on the anniversary even if they don't know the reason why. But Gabby didn't. She marched straight into battle and said things that shook me to my core.

Would she want you to only be half alive?

I don't think she would. But I have more than she ever did. I have a purpose. I have a family. I have a job. Those are things Mel will never have. I should be grateful for what I have. It's more than I deserve.

Noticing the time on the old school neon alarm clock, I roll out of bed. It's time to pretend everything is okay. It's time to go back to the real world. The world where she is.

That simple thought forms a rock of guilt in my stomach. I should never refer to anyone as my she expect Mel. She was mine. I should want to be in a world where she is and after her death I tried. I tried a few times but I could never go through with it. Something wouldn't let me pull the trigger. And now I want to be in a world where she is. My she has changed.

What the fuck does that mean? I don't know.

After a quick shower and a mental pep talk, I head down the stairs for breakfast. Most of the club is piled in the bar but my eyes land on the corner booth filled with boxes and wedding decorations. This is gonna be fun.

"Morning," Grease greets with a small nod. I can tell by the look on his face he is trying to assess the damage yesterday caused.

"You okay?" Amber whispers as she walks up to me.

"Yeah," I nod.

"If you need anything let us know," she adds.

"Amber, really, I'm fine," I dismiss. I mean I don't think I am but there's nothing anybody can do to help.

"Good," she smiles, "because here is your to-do list for the week. Grease knows to let you leave the shop whenever you have a wedding duty to fulfill. First up is going to Prichards at 2 to pick up hay bales today. Use the club truck with the hauler."

"Yes, boss," I joke as I stare at the list. Holy shit, all of this for a simple wedding?

Yep I'm definitely eloping.

Wait no, I'm never getting married.

"We'll then we better get going. We got a couple of cars coming in today," Grease says as he taps on my shoulder.

"Here," Grace says as she shoves a breakfast taco in my hand.

"Eat and walk, let's go kid," Grease laughs as I try to shove the taco into my mouth.

The day drags on as I am elbow deep in a '94 Mustang with a busted radiator. Most of the time I only get to work on shitty trucks or mom mobiles so the days where I can put my hands in a beauty like this are rare. Maybe the universe knew I needed a little bit of good today. Maybe it knew I needed to clear the goddamn fog in my head.