Until We Die|✔️

60| Do This

~I love you to the moon and back~

Evangeline's PoV
I walked around the house, listening out for any unusual noises. That had become normal for me. I was always listening out, always on guard. I didn't want to take another life again.

I walked quickly into the kitchen, my eyes scanned the room and outside the window before I could relax. Even though the boys were here and I was safe, I still couldn't help but be on edge.

A smile fell on my face as I noticed the kitchen was empty except for a half naked Tobias. His shirtless back was to me as he effortlessly moved around the kitchen, making our breakfast. Wordlessly, I sat at the counter on a bar stool, just watching him.

How could someone who kills for a living be like this? How can a murderer have a soft side to them?

But then again, I guess he has to kill or he'll be killed.

I understand now. I get how his world works. I understand that no matter what, I'll always be apart of it. In his world, it's kill or be killed. In his world, the families are always threatened. Just hypothetically, if I ran away right now, anyone would be able to find me and kill me.

It's been a couple days since everything happened and thankfully Tobias hasn't left my side since. Every night, I'd wake up gasping for air and sticky with sweat and that man's face etched in my mind.

I killed him and I can't go back. I can't undo what I did because if I could, I'll probably be the one that's dead.

I've accepted the fact that I killed someone because there's nothing else for me to do.

Why would I kill someone to protect myself just to end up hating myself and not doing anything with my life?

"We should go travelling," I suggested to Tobias. He turned around, his eyes wide.

"I didn't even notice you were there," he chuckled as his eyes scanned my face. "Travelling? Where would you wanna go?"

"Spain, France, Australia, Turkey, Morocco, Bora Bora, the UK, Germany, you know everywhere really."

He nodded his head slowly. "I can make that happen."

"Really?," I asked him, my face instantly lighting up.

"Yeah. Don't worry, you'll get to travel the world."

I jumped up from the bar stool I was on and ran up to Tobias before throwing my arms around him. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!," I almost screamed out in happiness.

I paused for a moment and took a step back from him, making him stare at me in confusion. "I don't have a passport."

"I'll get you one, babe. Don't worry. I'll sort everything out."

I nodded my head and quietly went back to sit on the bar stool. We stayed silent for a moment, both of us deep in thoughts. "Eva!," Tobias almost yelled out panicked.

I snapped out of my thoughts and instantly got up from my chair and made my way to him, panicked. "Eva, you never had the morning after pill, did you?"

I froze for a moment, searching my brain for that memory. "I didn't," I whispered.

"Oh fuck. We both forgot about it. The next day we just stayed inside." He pulled me closer to him and kissed my forehead. "It's okay. It's been less than a week, I think."

"You never wore the thingy, did you?," I asked him as I mimicked him putting the protection on himself, not remembering what it's called.

He chuckled as he watched me. "The condom?" I nodded my head. "I didn't."

"What about our plans to go travelling? We can't do that with a baby," I instantly said, feeling disappointed that we wouldn't be able to travel.

"Don't worry. We can still travel. We just have to wait till the baby is a bit older."

"We don't even know if there even is a baby yet," I suddenly said.

"You're right. But we still need to be ready, you know."

"Anyway, how long is that breakfast gonna take?," I asked. He let out a small chuckle as he laid out my plate in front of me. "Smells amazing," I almost moaned out.

"That's 'cause I made it," he said as he grabbed his own plate and sat beside me. We both sat in silence as we both ate our breakfast.

Deep down, I knew he was thinking about the possibility of a child. I was thinking the same. I'm terrified. He doesn't seem to be but then again, he's great at hiding his emotions.

I've never really seen or held a baby so how can I take care of one? How can I care for another human when I can barely care for myself?

I'm a murderer, I don't deserve such an innocent little thing to call my own.

"You're thinking about it, aren't you?," I asked him. He froze mid bite and stared straight ahead before clearing his throat and straightening his posture.

"Yeah," he answered.

"How can we bring a little baby into our world?," I asked him. "We're either being targeted or we're the killers."

"So we're gonna spend the rest of our life together with no kids, just us?"

"I-I don't know," I shrugged. "Do you think it even survived what happened that night?"

He knew I was talking about the night someone broke in and I had taken his life.

I was thrown around a lot that night.

"If you're not bleeding, then I think it did. Are you...bleeding?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Then I think we'll be okay."

-

It had been a couple of weeks and my period was nowhere to be seen. After a while of delaying it, I finally let Tobias talk me into going to an appointment to see if there even was a baby.

I was terrified. I didn't want to go. Maybe, I was terrified that there was an actual baby in me and that means things will change. It's terrifying.

I handed the doctor the cup filled with my pee before washing my hands again and sitting down beside Tobias. I watched as the doctor took the cup away before returning with a small little container and a needle. "Just to be sure," the doctor said as he gently grabbed my arm.

After searching for a vein in my elbow pit (I really don't know what that bit is called), he grabbed the needle and pierced my skin with it. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the blood coming out of me. Once he was done, he put a plaster on my arm before leaving with my blood.

Almost ten minutes later, he returned with a piece of paper in his hand. I tightly held on to Tobias, squeezing him slightly. "Congratulations, you're pregnant!," the doctor exclaimed with a smile as I felt my heart drop into my stomach.

Tobias didn't move and neither did I.

I can't be a mother. I won't be a good one.

I can't do this.