Confidante

The closure

~~'Cause my life is like a bedroom door//Don't lead me in when you feel low//'Cause I might make a move~~

After the concert, I began to be so focused now on the training and preparations before leaving. Also, I still have a few sessions left for my therapy. I was doing well, as I started making jokes to P'Sun... more talk with the fans. There are nights, I tend to sneak out in the middle of the night to have fun just to cope up with a stressful day.. When Sun's asleep and be home every 4am before he wakes up. 

Till I was caught red handed, he reported it to the boss and That's when the boss decided that he had to filter the staff. He decided that I'm gonna sleep with a roommate, of course it's her...I have no against it, cause I know she's one of the few who understood me...wholly.

That's when I had the relapses, I was monitored now to my whereabouts. Sun never left by my side until I reached the room. I haven't received any messages since that night. There are times that I keep on rolling on my bed since I can't sleep... I know she's aware what I'm doing for the past nights, I have trouble sleeping...then one night,

"Uhm...Phi, why not try to watch the cartoons you love...to keep you entertained till you fall asleep. Well, if you want I just remembered you told me that you love to watch cartoons or movies...You can watch in this app, here let me help you..." 

 She did not fail to amaze me then, she really knew me. It also helps me feel light and my mind is quiet as I enjoy watching till I fall asleep.. But there are times that I had a conversation with an old friend somehow to keep me company as she knows where my scars came from...sometimes we end our talks at 5am then I'll sleep.

Then I usually slept late and woke up late... but as I woke up it's the first time I didn't see her and heard her say Goodbye. I decided to call her.

"Nu~"

I heard her whisper that maybe she's talking with somebody as she answered the call. And the side effects of the meds took effect, it made me dozed off for a second. Shit, "Is Nu going up now?" "Yes, Phi, Nu is going up in a while...please sleep some more..". Fuck I get cranky as this medication takes over my system. I rolled again as I put myself to sleep again.

When she went in, she brought our breakfast but it's quite a lot. I'm about to ask her but my phone buzzed. It's from the person, 'Hey, I'm downstairs. I am not permitted to go up to see you. I met your roommate at the lobby. Hope you'll eat it. I even bought your favorite coffee. I have to go before anyone notices. bye" I waved back and as I looked back, She went inside the shower to freshen up. When she went out I'm about to thank her I was thinking for how will I start the conversation I cleared my throat and

"Nu, drink this tea...It won't be yummy anymore."

"Oh, right."

" So she really approached you in giving these food? How did you know her?"

" You showed me some pics in the past, I'm good at remembering faces."

" I know, you'll get in trouble for this. I'm-"

"No, don't be. She's just someone who's kind enough to buy us some food. I am thankful for it too."

With her response, I felt something kinda changed in the vibe she's giving. But I didn't think too much maybe because she must've read unpleasing tweets or comments from the bashers online or must be tired cause she woke up early. So I decided I must respect her space too.

I received a call from P'Sun, For our session in therapy we will be accompanied by my new RM for a moment...Coco, somehow she's fun to be with and she gave me some advices in how to handle issues and the media. She had a talk with the doctor and after we decided to eat Korean barbecue to celebrate. As we were celebrating the accomplishment I had for the day, I even called my sister but someone came with her. P'Sun, Coco and Daad was at the other table then silence were filled in the corner we've been...

"Hey, everything's fine?" She wouldn't look into my eyes. she kept on looking down. I tried to see her face but she kept on looking away.

"Thi-this must b-be the last time you'll see me. I-I'm sorry Fa for using you."I tried my best to digest what she was saying "No, you're not you've been good to me...you're a great friend." "No, Fa..I blinded you. I'm really sorry...I-must go home now..for the last time, Thank you and I'm sorry" She went out with Coco and said goodbye to Sun and Daad.

Have you ever felt the feeling of losing a battle that you didn't know what you're fighting for? I lost something ... but inside there's something that was loosened...I can breathe now but why is my heart hurting?

"The attachment, baby." I look at my sister.

"You still want that attachment, you must let go..." I was totally silent after she left . They paid the bill, but I don't have the energy to go home. I don't want you to see me in this state again..."C-can we stay out late for a moment?" I looked at both of them "Please.. I just need to breathe...I-I want to let it go Phi...I must.." I don't know what time it is. I was just putting my headphones on cause I don't want my thoughts to win me over... I just closed my eyes.

You can never really have the happiness and thriving career at the same time? Allow me to see why is this happening to me...dad?