It Takes Time

19

Seeing Y/N back at work wasn't really as bad as Aizawa had thought it might be. It was a little awkward, at first, of course. Y/N was giving him all these apologetic looks all the time, and Aizawa was still worried about her, but she actually seemed to be doing a little better. She even went for lunch with him and Hizashi and Nemuri most of the time. She seemed to be much more relaxed, in general.

Maybe he had been wrong about everything. Maybe she had made the right decision after all. Maybe her husband had changed. Aizawa was surprised that things seemed to be going so well for her. He was glad about that, of course, but it was more of an afterthought. He felt like a terribly selfish person when he found himself wondering for how long this was going to last, when he found himself searching for signs that maybe things weren't going as well as Y/N was telling him. It was hard to admit to himself that he had been hoping for Y/N to leave her husband to be with him, instead.

It was hard to come to terms with that probably never happening. When she had been staying with him, he had gotten his hopes up and he realised that now. It all only made it hurt worse. Aizawa wasn't sure what to do about it – he still didn't trust this sudden peace with Y/N's husband. He didn't believe that he was going to stick to his word and really change. But he also knew that Y/N was off-limits – still.

She had been off-limits ever since he had met her, but when she had left her husband to stay with him instead, he had hoped that one day he might have a chance. He knew that it was still going to take a lot of time for her to work through all the stuff she's been through and to become independent and confident and secure again, but it had seemed somewhat in reach. But now? Now she was back with her husband. And she seemed to be happy. Aizawa knew that he had lost, and it hurt.

The worst part was that he was still doing his best to be her friend, to be there for her and to be supportive. It was hard not to feel like he was being walked all over. It was hard to keep all the things he had read online in mind, and not to just give up on her, and declare her a lost cause. Even if she was a lost cause, Aizawa was sure that he wouldn't be able to give up on her. Not for a long time.

He hated that things were once again so undetermined. He didn't know how this would go. He didn't know whether he could get a bit of distance from her, just so it would be easier to deal with those pesky little feelings he had for her. He didn't know whether her husband was going to go back to his old self soon again, and if she was going to need him. All of this was just incredibly confusing, and it was once again costing him precious sleep. Aizawa just wanted it all to be over once and for all, already.

But it seemed like everything was normal around him. Better than normal. Y/N was having lunch with them, she was smiling, she didn't have any visible bruises. She didn't seem so shaky and shy anymore, although she still winced when she heard some unexpected loud noises. Aizawa wondered whether she was actually feeling much better or whether she had gotten better at pretending that things were fine.

But why would she pretend that everything was fine when it wasn't? Right now, Aizawa had absolutely no evidence that things might not be good for her at the moment. He was still talking to her, trying to find out if she was okay, if everything was still good, if she needed help with anything. He still made daily trips down to the office, to see her and to check on her. Sometimes he wondered whether he was too obsessed with her, whether he was being creepy or anything. Maybe he was the one that was going insane.

But Y/N never told him that she didn't want to talk to him, that he should stay away. She seemed happy to talk to him, even though she sometimes acted a little awkward. Aizawa assumed that was because of the way she left. He knew that she was feeling guilty about it – she had apologized about a million times to him and thanked him profusely for taking such good care of her and being such a good friend.