Requested by: guggiegurl Request: Can you do one where Jungkook gives more attention to the baby than yn.
WORD COUNT: 1.15K
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If anyone would say that postpartum depression isn't real, I would fight them. Because if it's not real then why the hell am I crying over the fact that my baby is staring at me so lovingly while I'm feeding her???
Does that make sense?
And not just this, the reasons I have cried today alone are:
1. My baby was missing from her side when I woke up so I thought I had kicked her off the bed. But she was with her father, Jungkook.
2. While I was feeding her, she bit so hard with her teeth less gums that I started crying and Jungkook had to soothe me by holding my hand while she finished her assault- I mean, breakfast.
3. Jungkook went out with his friends while I was at home taking care of the baby.
4. Jungkook ate spicy rice cakes while I had to drink plain seaweed soup.
5. My baby was looking at me so lovingly while I was feeding her that it made me cry.
It hadn't been half a day and I had already cried five times. FIVE!
And more than anything, what makes me cry is that the time of the night that was always mine and Jungkook's to talk about our day and just life in general, was occupied by this few weeks old madam.
I was missing my husband, my boyfriend, my best friend, my buddy! I didn't have anyone to talk to anymore because whenever Jungkook was at home, he would spend time with our baby girl while leaving me to rest. I get it that I need rest but it takes time to settle into new routine. I knew Jungkook was doing all this for me so that I wouldn't feel burdened but I wanted to be involved in their baby talks as well! I wanted to spend time with them together too! I wanted to have Jungkook all to myself again!
It was not nice of me to be jealous of my own child but I just loved Jungkook so much that I could not help but have these horrible thoughts.
"Jungkook," I went from room to room to find my husband and my daughter because it had been a while and the whole house was silent. I finally found them in the living room on the couch with our baby on top of Jungkook as he had his arms wrapped around her securely while she slept. That was my place! That was my spot! That was my man!
I gulped the negative feelings and walked to them.
"Let me take her to her crib," I offered Jungkook with a smile. He smiled back but not at me but our child. "No, it's ok. I feel calm with her." That was my breaking point. I had been there for him for years and years, at every step of his life be it studies or career. But I had been easily replaced by this tiny human whom I loved with all my heart as well.
In that moment, I recalled that one interview where Ryan Reynolds had said that he loved his wife, Blake Lively, very much but he knew the second he saw his child that he would use Blake as human shield to protect that kid.
Maybe Jungkook also felt that way. Maybe he also thought of me as nothing but the feeding machine for his child. Maybe he would also use me as human shield for this child.
"Stop!" My train of thoughts quite literally halted upon hearing Jungkook's voice. Jungkook had placed down our baby on the thick, fluffy rug on the ground and built a fort around her just in case she feelings lonely. Jungkook was standing in front of me.
Jungkook took my face in his hands, palms resting on my cheeks.
"Whatever you are thinking, stop!" He stared right at my soul. "I don't know what exactly it was but it seemed like something horribly painful. So please don't hurt yourself like that, baby! Okay?" I nodded my head yes but my tears started spilling down my face.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Jungkook asked ever so gently while his thumbs caressed my cheekbones. "I- I feel lonely!" I sobbed out loud. "You don't spend any of your time with me anymore. I knew something like this would happen and you knew how clingy I have always been with you. That's why I had suggested that we should wait for a while before having a child. Because now I am jealous of my own flesh because you don't give me time! I hate myself for feeling like this! I love our child so much yet I feel competitive when it comes to having your attention! I'm sorry. This is so stupid!" I cried out mindfully to not wake my child up.
"No, the one who should be apologetic is me, not you. It's my fault for making you feel lonely. I should have asked you what you wanted instead of doing things on my own. My mother had explained to me before your delivery about how all she wanted when I was a baby was someone who could take me away for a while so she could rest and sleep. I should have realised that I was just making you feel lonely by not spending time with you. I swear I only wanted you to rest well and get better soon so we all could be the happiest family that we had always wanted." Jungkook pecked my head.
"I love our child very much but not as much as you because when I think of all the struggles and the pains you had gone through to give birth to this child, I can't help but be grateful to you because you didn't have to do it. Yet you did it because I had told you that I wanted to have kids with you. You could have easily stopped in the middle because of all the complications that can happen during pregnancy and childbirth but you didn't. So I am nothing but indebted to you. That's why, whenever I come back home from work, I try my level best to take care of our child so that you could relax your mind and catch up on sleep." I broke down even worse as I flopped myself in Jungkook's arms.
"I'm sorry. I love you so much!" Jungkook hugged me back just as lovingly as his words were. "I'm glad we cleared up the misunderstanding. Now if you want, we could go have a nap together!" I laughed at Jungkook's attempt to still make me relaxed while the baby was sleeping.
Sometimes I wonder, just how did I get so lucky to get Jungkook as my husband.
