I went to the studio. Thinking is something I can't do by myself. Since I have no one to talk to, I'll let my music do the talking. Taking my time, I record each instrument, play it back, made tweaks and now I'm ready for musical therapy. Clicking the button, I rush into the sound booth and put on the headphones.
Without thinking, I wait for my que to sing whatever is on my mind.
"There I was again tonight
Forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old tired, lonely place
Walls of insincerity
Shifting eyes and vacancy
Vanished when I saw your face
All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you
Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?"
Across the room, your silhouette
Starts to make its way to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks
Like passing notes in secrecy
And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you
This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you
The lingering question kept me up
2 a.m., who do you love?
I wonder 'til I'm wide awake
And now I'm pacing back and forth
Wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say
"Hey, it was enchanting to meet you"
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you
This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you
This is me praying that
This was the very first page
Not where the storyline ends
My thoughts will echo your name
Until I see you again
These are the words I held back
As I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you
Please, don't be in love with someone else
Please, don't have somebody waiting on you
Please, don't be in love with someone else
Please, don't have somebody waiting on you"
I don't know when my eyes closed, I let go of everything and just let it all out. As the music fades away, I am about to pull off the headphones.
"That was great! Let's record again then release it!" Gustavo yells through the mic.
My eyes shoot open as I jump back. Somehow, I lost balance and fall on my ass. The headphones wire caught onto the mics which pull them down with me. Groaning, I rub my head where the mic holder stick thingy, hit me.
How long have I been here?
"There's no time for lying around! We have a song to release!" Gustavo yells.
"I don't want to release it!" I groan.
Pulling myself up, I push the headphones and all the poles off of me. I shove past him and sit on the chair. Clicking a few buttons, twisting some knobs, I play the song back. With crossed arms, I lean back and listen to it.
My thoughts run around the lyrics, trying to figure out how I feel. I'm so confused, and this is barely helping. When the song ends, I sigh sadly.
"This is perfect! I want you to record another song, so we can get started on your album" Gustavo said.
"I don't want to release an album. I just want- I'm going home" I grunt out.
~~~~~~~~~~
Running a hand down my face, I lazily walk into the Palm Woods. Working all night on one song is barely taking a toll on me. These heeled boots are killing my feet and constantly slouching my shoulder is hurting my back. Plus, I hit my butt really hard this morning.
I can barely see through my drooping eyes. Mrs. Knight, Katie, and Kendall scared the crap out of me waiting in front of my door. All I did was blink at them, I'm too tired to jump.
"Hello, what can I do for you?" I try to stiffen my yawn.
"Hey, sweety, I brought you some comfort food... And a bribe to watch Katie" Mrs. Knight said hopefully.
"Of course, Mrs. Knight. I'd love to hang out with Katie" I genuinely smile.
"Thank you. Katie be good" she said.
Shuffling my feet to the door, I open it with a yawn. Taking a few steps in, I stretch with an even bigger yawn.
"You're still in the same clothes" Kendall stated.
I hum in response and take a seat on the couch. With closed eyes I start to take off my boots. My brain is empty, my heart is conflicted, and my body wants to give out any second. I have this feeling Kendall wants to talk.
"Are you just getting home?" he asked.
I hum again and go make a pot of coffee.
"Lin-" he started.
"I don't want to talk about James... Just give me a second to think" I cut him off.
"He didn't kiss her, she kissed him" he said anyway.
I don't say anything. How do I know that's true? I want to believe him, I really, really do. I want to believe the James I knew is still the same person. Sighing, I grip the counter and lean over. Squeezing my eyes shut, I try not to cry. I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Just... take your time and think about it" Kendall said.
Straightening my poster, I sniffle real quick before putting on a fake smile. Turning around, I don't look at him and nod. Looking at Katie, I force a big smile over my small genuine one.
"Are you hungry? Thirsty?" I ask her.
"We came to see if you were okay" she said.
"I'm fine, Katie. Honestly, I am okay" I smile at her.
The two glanced at each other.
"If you say so. You know where to find us... and you know who" Katie said.
"Thanks" I softly smile.
Katie and Kendall left soon after that. Like a zombie I stumble to my room. Dropping on my bed, I curl up in a ball. Sighing, I think about everything. A few tears slip as I think about all the good times with James. Sniffling, I close my eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~
When I woke up, I decided it was time to face the reality. I listened to every voicemail, read every text and sat alone with James in my thoughts for 3 hours. That's how long it took to get through everything. He had a lot to say in these last 3 days.
Near the end, I gathered the courage to hear him out in person. He sounds so... I don't know, genuine? I can tell how sad and regretful he is. And honestly, I've never been one to hold a grudge for too long. Clicking the last voicemail, I toss my hair up in a ponytail.
"Hey, Lin... I know I messed up really bad, I can't take back what happened and by now... I get that you don't want to talk to me" he said.
I frown, this message was from 20 minutes before I woke up. The last time he called me.
"I'm leaving LA" he sighs.
My heart drops as my body freezes.
"Griffin, my boss's boss dropped music and picked up audio books. Big Time Rush is over and well, I'm heading on a flight back to Minnesota in an hour... I'm sorry I couldn't make it up to you. I'm sorry I was a terrible friend and even worst almost boyfriend... I'm-" the voicemail ended.
YOU ARE READING
Big Time Rush
Fanfiction(REWRITTING) Malina gypsy Griffin was a small time singer. At age 16 she ran away to Palm Woods with her friend Dave to help him become a dancer in the world of arts. She runs into the Knights and made a friend. Now she's thrown into the world of ar...
