Paths

LOSE TO WIN

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!" Nairobi sang with the crowd as they stood around her dad's birthday cake.

"Okay kids, blow out the candles." Her grandmother nodded at Sekani's three kids. Nairobi closed her eyes leaning in as she blew out the candles.

"We miss you!" Everyone shouted, releasing their blue balloons into the sky. Nairobi looked to the sky releasing her balloon that had a message written to her dad. "We love you!" She shouted as she watched the balloon float away until it could no longer be seen.

Cade stood beside her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, "He would be so proud of you baby girl." He kissed her temple.

"Thank you." She nodded, trying to stop herself from crying.

"You okay?" He questioned.

"Yeah, I'm just going to go to Shiloh's car real quick."

He nodded sensing that she needed to be alone. She pushed through the crowd, trying to find her way to the parked car. When she finally reached it, she jumped on top of his trunk, opening her purse to pull out another pre-rolled blunt. She was pretty sure that she was on her fourth blunt of the day and it wasn't even night, but she desperately needed to smoke her feelings away.

She lit the blunt, exhaling as she watched the large crowd of people who sat further down the street, still mingling and vibing to Ghetto Angels by NoCap.   "I always thought that you would be here," She sang with her eyes closed, feeling every word.

Nairobi was trying her hardest not to break down, wishing that she drove herself so she could leave the party. Usually, she was able to suppress her emotions for the day until she got home in the comfort of her room where she could cry as hard as she wanted. This year, everything felt much more heavy. As much as Nairobi had been excited to leave for college. She was finally coming to terms with the fact that she was actually leaving.

She had a love-hate relationship with her city. It was the place that took her dad away, but everywhere she went she felt him. Everything was a reminder of the time that she spent with him, even the smallest things. Nairobi knew that even though her dad died in the city, he loved it, he was always repping where he was from. She hadn't realized it until now, but she was afraid to lose that feeling of being reminded of him everywhere, and feeling his presence. She found comfort in knowing that she could randomly drop by his gravesite and be with him.

She sat there for what felt like forever, her blunt turning into a roach, as she watched the crowd as they participated in line dances, and passed around food and bottles. She wished that she could still enjoy her time like everyone else, but her mind felt clouded with a million thoughts about what celebrating every milestone without her dad would look like. 

"You good?" Mook asked taking a seat beside her.

Nairobi looked over at him rolling her eyes, "Oh we cool now?"

Mook chuckled at his little sister's immediate attitude. As much as she could push his buttons, he knew that he could blame no one but himself and his family for the smart-mouth, spoiled girl that they created. As the baby of the family, she got everything she wanted and stuff she didn't even know that she did. "We always cool brat. I just don't want you doing shit you regret out of anger about whatever you and ole dude got going on. Boog my family too and that nigga is a lover ass boy. I don't want to see either one of y'all hurt and I don't want to end up in the middle of that shit. Especially if you are not done with Kai."

She blew out a breath, "That's so hypocritical Mook. You know how many bitches I've seen you cheat on and do dirty. I'm not fucking with Kai we're friends and as of right now, that's not changing. And I fuck with Jacobi as much as you do, I'm never gonna play with his feelings Mook you know me better than that."