Alejandro Vargas x Reader

Thirty-Four

It was strange, even minutes after the cars had taken off you could still feel the adrenaline rush through your veins.

The beating of your heart was even, your breath calm.

And yet there was this power that raged inside your body, like an animal that had awoken and was only held back by the bars of a cage.

Irritating ringing filled your ears even though there was nothing to be heard besides the wind that chased through the emptiness of the houses.

A familiar kind of smell reached your nose. Iron mixed with dust and dryness.

It reminded you of the many times out in the road. Whenever a body needed to disappear you had taken a trip to the desert, at night, when the stars were shining. Sometimes they even had been alive still.

You had done what the cartel demanded. Often times it had been over before you even heard them plead for mercy.

It felt odd to think back to it now. Those memories had been long forgotten, banished into the deepest corner of your mind in order to protect your own sanity.

As the images crossed your inner eye, face after face, road after road, you had to take a deep breath. So deep that it made your lungs tremble.

"How did you get them to leave?", a voice suddenly asked from behind.

All at once it felt like the world collapsed about your head. Weight pressed all the air out of your lungs, tears started to burn in the corners of your eyes again.

You could feel how exhaustion tried to force you to your knees.

"Alejandro...", your voice was so weak as you spoke his name, as if it were about to break and with it everything you've ever been and tried to be.

With a low hum, he made sure to tell you he was near and reached out to place his hands on your shoulders. Wordlessly he remained behind you for a while, the rhythm of his breathing gently pressing into the curve of your spine.

"What did you offer them?", he asked, careful as to not upset you even more than you already were.

Yet you could hear it in his voice. He was afraid to receive an answer. He feared that you had offered a price that he did not agree with.

And maybe he was right. Maybe you had bargained for too much.

Sometimes it was necessary to take a gamble at life. But more often than not did it end up with fingers that got burned by fire.

"We should get back.", you managed to say and wanted to turn around.

But Alejandro's grip on your shoulders tightened.

You froze.

It was a clear sign, a demand, so to say. Even though he did not want an answer he still needed one. For his own peace of mind. It wouldn't be able for him to just turn around and be silent about it.

The urge to know burned on his soul even if it could break his heart.

But you couldn't.

You couldn't tell him.

Not yet.

Not in this place.

Not after what you had done.

There was so much more that needed to be said, so much more he needed to know. And even more that you wanted to get off your chest.

Even if it could mean the end of this marriage, even if it could bring him to hate you with a passion, you needed to finally come clean. Entirely and honestly.

But this town, abandoned and in ruins of its former self, just wasn't a place for it. You needed comfort instead of the embodiment of your own former actions. You needed to feel safe instead of caught.

This town was just one of many that you had once wiped clean to serve a small purpose for the cartel. It was everything that reminded you of the things you had wanted to forget.

You couldn't stand in the middle of these houses, former homes that had been taken from the innocent, and tell the one and only man you had ever loved about your true self.

It felt bizarre to even think about it, so out of place and downright twisted. Like eating a cheese burger surrounded by cows.

Taking a deep breath, you forced all the emotions that raged inside your stomach down once again, just like you had done so many times before and made your tears stop water.

"It's unwise to waste time here, we don't know when or if they will be back.", you managed to sound normal, as far as it was possible for someone who just had bargained with the military about life and death. "Gather your men and let's get out of here."

With your head lowered you shook off his hands and wanted to walk past him.

But Alejandro wouldn't have been Alejandro if he would have just accepted it that way. No, as your shoulder was about on the same level as his he reached out and grabbed your wrist with such persistence that a sharp pain chased through your bones.

Pulling a face, you dodged his gaze and turned to the side while your fingers twitched and bend in agony.

"I want you to tell me.", he kept insisting and pushed his face so close to yours that you could feel his warm breath stroke over your cheek. "And I won't ask another time."

Hesitation made silence grow between the two of you.

With your lips pressed into a thin line, you just kept in avoiding to look at him.

"We should hurry.", you tried to free yourself but his grip just tightened.

At this point it almost felt like a threat. It was off, back when you had married him he had seemed like a man who could never do you harm. It was one of the many things as to why you had fallen for him.

And now he seemed to be that very poison that was about to make you choke on your own tongue.

"(Y/N).", his voice was as rough as never as he called out for you.

"Alejandro.", you replied and finally looked at him, a glassy shimmer covering your (E/C) eyes. "I want to leave. Please."