Alejandro Vargas x Reader

Twenty-Five

"Me estás tomando el pelo?", it slipped off his tongue as he started at you, motionless, his eyes widened in disbelief, his lips formed to a smile of utter shock.

Disgusted with yourself, you couldn't help but shake your head with a laugh. The first tears ran down your cheeks again.

But you couldn't help but laugh.

How pathetic you were. How disgusting and sly. No one was such a low animal as you, who not only crawled through dirt and walked over corpses but also abused the trust of the one person who really mattered.

"No.", you whispered, wiping your face again until it felt like your skin was peeling off your skull. "No, I'm not kidding. I was a narco."

Still not quite believing it, he turned to you so he could look at you clearly from top to bottom and shook his head.

"Why?", was all he could get out. "Why didn't you tell me?"

You shrugged your shoulders.

"I-I don't know..."

"DO NOT MAKE A FUCKING FOOL OF ME!", all of a sudden he grabbed you by the shoulders with such force that it felt like your bones were about to shatter between his fingers. "Me cago en todo lo que se menea! How could you not tell me you were once one of them?!"

"Because I love you!", you screamed in his face without holding back.

Both surprised and gone in his own rage, he froze. There were so many emotions visible in his eyes.

Anger.

Disappointment.

Confusion.

Wordlessly, he let go of you all at once and backed away as if he had only just realised that you were a poisonous plant. But your hands sprang forward to grasp his face and keep him close to you.

You needed him. You couldn't be without him. Especially not in a moment like this.

But you knew that this was a point in your life where it was decided if everything would shatter into pieces.

Now you had to be honest with him. More honest than you had ever been before.

"No.", he gasped and tried to pull away from you.

But you held him tight.

"I love you, Alejandro.", you whispered with trembling lips. "I loved you from the moment you first spoke to me. I wanted to be a Vargas too, right after our first kiss. There was never anyone else for me, from the moment we met you became the air I needed to breathe."

"You lied to me!", he hissed.

"No. No, I kept it from you. And I regret it."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted you. Because I needed you. Because I was afraid that if I told you, you wouldn't want me. I wanted out. I made it because of you."

His hands wrapped around your wrists.

"And now our son is dying...", he pushed you away.

"I have failed in all the ways I could have failed and I know that.", you jumped from your seat to argue with him on eye level. "But I'm trying to make it up."

"How?!", his eyebrows drew together, wrinkles formed on his forehead. "How could this be fixed? Moro might die. The kids are traumatised, even more than they already were."

"I know how to get a hold of the cartel.", you said.

For a brief second his anger was stopped by sheer surprise. Even though he was angry with you and would have liked to doubt every single word from your mouth, he still believed that there was some kind of truth in what you were saying.

With clenched teeth he let his gaze wander over your face in search of something that would have justified the bitterness that he felt towards you.

And yet.

Even though this was a disaster, partly your fault, he couldn't help but admit that he still loved you. Perhaps that was also why he feared to be around you for too long at a time. It was as if he lost control, as if he wanted to give himself fully and unconditionally to you.

It was like some sort of obsession.

He needed you just as much as you needed him. Never before had he felt this way. It scared him. It made him vulnerable.

And despite all this Alejandro knew that if he would just give in and embrace the power that you had over him the two of you could become a team that would win every battle.

Perhaps even the war that raged in Mexico for decades now.

"You don't know how long I've worked towards getting remotely close to the cartel.", Alejandro's voice was strained with held back anger. "Years of my life."

"For small fish in the sea...", tired, you wiped the tears from your cheeks. "I appreciate what you do for this country. You do what I always thought I'd do by being a narco. You make a difference. For the better."

"You are what I live to destroy.", he came so close to your face that you believed to feel his burning anger on your skin.

"No. Not anymore.", you shook your head. "I was exactly who you think I was. Worse even. I'll admit that. But I changed. I wanted to change for a long time before we even met. But after meeting you I did change. I swear."

"How am I supposed to ever trust you again?", a shimmer of doubt was visible in those deep brown eyes of his.

"You don't have to.", you smiled. "I know I fucked up. I really do. Just... let me share my recourses with you. It'll help."

"How do you even want to know it will help?"

"Because I wasn't a small fish."

He sucked in a sharp breath. His eyes wandered over your face. With a low growl stuck in his throat he leaned back and told you to share what you had to say.

"I take it you won't tell me who you were either.", he remarked in a bitter manner.

You couldn't help but chuckle. How well he could read you.

"I'll tell you.", you said.

"But?"

"Not yet. I am... just not ready... I know I do not have the right to ask for understanding or time."

He took a deep breath.

"It's fine. Take all the time you need. But keep in mind, my patience might not last that long."