The Rejected Alpha

Chapter 113

There's peace and there's turmoil.
And then there's nothingness.

I wasn't at peace. I wasn't in turmoil.
And I wasn't conscious enough to know that I was in nothingness.

But I was.

Because there was nothing.

There wasn't even me.

I didn't feel like I existed.

Not in this realm at least.

What was happening? Why did I have thoughts? Was I conscious?
I couldn't feel anything past my thought.

I didn't have anything else.
I just had that one thought.

And as I continued to be in the state of nothingness, something started happening.

I was beginning to feel. Not physically but mentally. I could feel my mind. I was becoming aware of the fact that I had a mind, I was a conscious being. I had thoughts and memories.

Memories that were taking ages to come back to me.

What was happening. Where was I?
I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't sense anything.

There was nothing. But as I thought about that I realised that it wasn't true. There was something, but it didn't bring me comfort.
There was just my mind and darkness.

Was I trapped in darkness? Was the darkness in my mind? Was I trapped in my mind?

Where was I? What happened?

And then I had another thought.
A memory.

And then a sudden set of numerous flashbacks.
I couldn't feel anything but those last few flashes certainly made me feel anxious.
And I couldn't admit it out loud but I could admit it to myself here. In the darkness.

I was scared.
Very scared.

What happened?
My last altercation with Sarah reared its head in my semi conscious mind.

Did I kill her? Did she die?

Did I die?

I was having thoughts currently so surely I couldn't be dead. Surely?

But then where was I? And why wasn't I surrounded by light instead?

Oh no.

Did she really pull me down with her?

Oh my goodness! The clearing! Is everyone okay?

How will I even know that everyone's fine?

That he's fine?

More memories came back to me.

That she's fine?

I felt like I started hyperventilating but that couldn't be. I couldn't even feel the presence of a conscious body let alone the need to breathe.

Is this it?

Is this how the afterlife is?

Solitude and darkness?

Fear started creeping into me again.

I'd rather be nonexistent than to be in this state, the crippling silence and loneliness was already getting to me.

I didn't like any part of it.

It wasn't comforting. I had no real concept of time but I felt like I wouldn't be able to do this for five minutes, let alone forever.

Would this last forever?

This can't be my forever.

I wanted a happy ending. Or at least a decent one.