— dean. —
present.
dean made a mistake, he can feel it drilling into his veins. a simple kiss and it's ruined everything. but then, that night. he feels his lips press back against his own. it feels like a dream, it has to be.
dean grabs his arms, holding them tightly. gripping onto the black overcoat, it became loose. the coat fell down his shoulders, as they kissed. dean's hands move to his messy hair, he can feel the prickle of his stubble stab lightly against his skin. he smells so good, it feels like dean can't breathe.
dean reached over and grasped cas's seat, between where his legs were, pulling him toward him. the legs of the chair hit the bed, and dean grabbed the collar of the angel. there's a large thud, a screeching sound almost.
the chair was falling forward, and cas was slipping.
it didn't register to the human until he was against his old comforter in the bunker, no distractions, just cas.
the kiss breaks, and dean looked up at him. their eyes lock onto each other. ocean blue filled with uncertainly look back at dean. the moment of confusion, the moment of panic. it washes away.
"dean?"
dean didn't hate kissing cas, he liked kissing cas. any second thought, any internal guilt, it didn't matter because god, his lips were so soft.
"dean?"
heat building. heart pounding.
"dean!"
"ah!"
suddenly dean's awake. "god damn it, sam. anyone ever tell you it was rude to scream in someone's ear?" dean glared at him, his brother, sam. he grins, stupidly. his long hair falling in his face and he starts chuckling. "sorry, sorry. you weren't waking up, seemed rational at the time." he pulls the seat out at the table, sitting down. "yeah.. well, don't do that." dean snapped, and sam nods.
but he can see the eye roll he tries to hide.
"any word from cas?" he asks, a sigh. cas.
"no, sam. if he called, i would've told you," dean says, almost irritated by the question. he's not angry with sam. or even angry with cas. it makes sense, something happened between them. rather dean made probably one of the dumbest mistakes ever. he could blame it on the whiskey. but he wasn't drunk, he took two shots. he was as sober as he's ever been.
dean could blame it on the fact he just woke up, say his brain wasn't functioning properly. but he knows and he thinks castiel knows too, dean was thinking clearly. there wasn't any force or chance of being intoxicated.
"right. yeah, nothing on my side either," sam says, he reaches into the grocery bag and pulls out a case of beer. "want one?" "is that even a question?" he hands dean a beer and dean pops the top open and almost pours it down his face. a bitter sting as it pools down his throat,
almost as bitter as the feeling in his stomach. "did he say anything to you before he left?" sam asks his brother. "uh, no." he mumbled, "not really."
dean feels his mind drift away. the moment the kiss broke, he was staring at him. big confused beautiful eyes widened. he's beautiful. dean couldn't get enough.
dean grabbed him by the fabric of his white button-up and pulled him up to him, almost crashing our lips together. cas lets out a little noise of surprise, he's hesitant to kiss dean back again. part of dean wonders if cas is just kissing him back so he doesn't upset him. maybe he was forcing himself onto his best friend, maybe he wants to reject it, but he's too scared of upsetting dean.
dean feels him kiss him back. the anxiety washes away once he feels his lips. dean gripped his collar tightly, pressing his lips harder into his. tugging hard until he falls into dean's bed, and he climbs on top. dean can feel cas tense up under his lips, he almost stops kissing him back.
but soon enough, he feels him relax underneath him.
it's like he completely let his guard down. he's kissing dean back and it's clear to him. he has him now. after a couple of moments, it feels suffocating. dean can't breathe but he doesn't want to let him go. he doesn't want to pull away, he doesn't want him to leave.
"de.." dean hears a mumble next to his lips,
and then cas is shoving him back, hard.
fuck. fuck. fuck.
he fucked up.
shit, shit.
castiel gasped for air, placing his hands on his chest to keep his distance. he starts breathing deeply and dean is searching for something in his expression. a sign, a tell, a hint, something that tells him how he's feeling. "whoa," he mumbled, breathing normally now. he lets out a half chuckle-half gasp. "erm, sorry," dean says, forcing a chuckle. the embarrassment is complete shit. his face is so fucking red, it's burning. he can't even muster up a good apology.
"it's alright, dean." cas smiles, and he leans up to him, throwing an arm around his neck. dean feels him kissing him softly. such a soft, sweet, and eye-widening kiss. there it is. a sign, a tell, a hint. cas wants this as much as dean does. that's all he needs. dean kissed him back, pushing him into his bed. putting all his weight on him, as he pushed his tongue into his mouth. he's not sure how far he wants this to go, or how far cas wants to go.
but it feels so nice. all of the pain, the stress, everything happening lately. kissing cas in his bed feels like a goddamn relief. it seems like he doesn't have a lot of knowledge about this. he knows how to kiss, but it doesn't seem like he knows much else. his black overcoat had fallen off and was on the floor. all that was rest was his tight button-collared shirt and black jeans. dean pulled away from the kiss, putting his hands on his shirt as he started undoing the buttons.
castiel looks at his hands and then up at dean, ocean blues filled with confusion, his lips slightly parted, almost like he wanted to say something. once the last button comes undone, dean rids him of the white shirt, and there's a moment of silence. his eyes run down his body. he's fit, a lot skinnier than dean thought he was. he has a fair share of battle scars littered all over his body. there are a few dean recognizes, one from the angel blade wound when april stabbed him, some bullet scars, stab scars.
he's holding dean in place with his knees, feeling them press into his sides. he leans into his neck, kissing his soft skin. dean can feel cas shudder from underneath him, his breathing gets heavier. another arm wraps around him, pressing their bodies together, and dean leans into his neck. biting and sucking lightly until it began to form a bruise. all of this admits a reaction in cas. it leaves them both speechless. but for dean, it's different.
dean can tell he's embarrassed, he's looking everywhere but at him. the red on his face almost makes him smile. "ohh, dean." he moans, and it drives the human fucking insane. dean continues to move my hips, pressing against him, sitting on top of him. placing one hand on his chest and using the other to balance himself on top of him.
"hm. dean?.." the angel looks up at him, "you trust me, don't you?" dean says, reaching his hands down to his jeans, pulling his belt through the loop, hearing the cling of metal. "well, of course, but i-" he begins, but dean interrupts. "then trust me," dean replied, grabbing at the fabric, unbuttoning his pants, and unzipping them slowly. castiel gives a nod, letting him take control, dean leans down, pulling him closer, pressing his lips against his.
dean grabbed the fabric of his jeans, which he began to tug down, kissing him hard, sweating from the heat between them. "de-" cas breathed between his lips. "an-" he mumbles out, pushing back from the kiss. "what are-" "i'm gonna make you feel so good," dean whispered.
it's almost like something snapped in castiel.
he sits up, grabs dean's hips, pulling him onto his lap.
•
