— castiel. —
before.
castiel has always had doubts.
he's always doubted his role in heaven.
always questioned what's right from wrong.
which order to follow, what choice to make.
but he was sure of one thing.
whatever the circumstances.
castiel never doubted dean.
he fell for a man who simply couldn't reciprocate.
of course, until now.
he's not sure what's worse. he was made to be a soldier, made to fight wars, made to be incapable of feeling anything, and yet he fell for a man who couldn't reciprocate? or is it worse that he fell for a man who doesn't reciprocate in that sort of way, and broke one of heaven's most crucial rules in the process? how did things escalate so fast?
"you know the rules, castiel." a deep voice says. it belonged to someone from the garrison he used to lead. "ophaniel, it wasn't my-" castiel begins, he was cut off by the slash of an angel blade straight to the face, a thick slash across his left cheek. castiel can feel the warmth of the blood dripping from his face.
"no. you cannot make excuses. castiel." the voice says, castiel looks up through clouded red. ophaniel, one of the angels from his old garrison; one of heaven's most loyal, after castiel. well, that wasn't the case anymore.
he had strawberry ginger hair and dark-greenish eyes with specks of amber in them. he had ginger stubble, neatly trimmed around his face. he was wearing a white button-up, and black suit, complete with a checkered tan and red tie. castiel fought side by side with him in the fields of heaven. ophaniel was one of the angels who refused to join uriel and managed to get away. castiel and ophaniel were the last few of their garrison. ophaniel had respected castiel in a certain way, that castiel couldn't ever reciprocate, because he cared about the mission only and raziel also existed during the time. castiel was loyal.
when god brought him back, the angels said he was chosen. that if surely he could rebel, and god would bring him back then there was no reason to hunt him. well, until now. ever since castiel returned to heaven, he was then blindsided. "you had intercourse with a human," he says as if it's such a horrible thing.
every day. ophaniel would come in with a tray of instruments. he'd cut into the angel, heal him and then start all over the next day. every day he'd say the same thing. offer heaven on a silver platter, only if he leaves dean's life. and every day, castiel would laugh in his face.
"it wasn't my intention." castiel replied, calmly.
it's not a lie, it wasn't castiel's intention. there's no valid explanation as to why it happened, or why it happened, again and again. castiel likes to think it was physical touch, dean hadn't slept with any woman in months, surely it made sense. but for castiel, touching isn't enough to bring him to bend such a rule. castiel often wishes he could sink into dean's skin, as the rays of sunshine do, making him all golden and glowing.
ophaniel sighs heavily, as he places the angel blade down with the rest of his tools. "whether it was your intention or not. you have committed a serious crime." he says, searching for another tool. castiel almost roll his eyes. torture doesn't seem to work on him anymore. not like it did when he tried to rebel, the first time.
"i do not want to hurt you. but falling for the righteous man, sleeping with him? and forgetting who you are? an angel turning human," he growls. "because of some filthy man who has caused so much trouble for the whole world, that's what you call love, right? you have fallen so tragically, castiel. remember anna. she had to die."
