I believe that sleep is always better for me than a boyfriend. Mas okay yata na matulog nalang ako kaysa magkaboyfriend. Well, my bed would not hurt me or give me pain. My bed and pillow always soothes the pain of heartache. That's what I did that night. Hinatid ako ni Alex pauwi tapos ay sinamahan niya ako hanggang sa makatulog ako.
I cried to sleep that night. Pakiramdam ko I won't be able to sleep kung hindi dahil sa sobrang pagod ko sa pagiyak. Come to think of it I never had a good sleep since he came back. Gusto kong iiyak lahat ng sakit and just wake up with a new life.
I realized that unlike relationships, my bed will always take me back and I can leave and completely forget about it throughout the day and get back to it as if nothing happened and fall in love with it all over again. And of course, we all know that dreams are always better than reality right?
I wish relationship with actual people can be that easy. Pwede mong iwan kahit kailan mo gusto at balikan kung kailan mo gusto ng hindi ka nasasaktan. Sana ganon kadali.
I avoided the boys and I think Alex told them because they didn't try to disturb me. I used that time to think, cry and cry and sleep until school started again.
Sembreak passed like that and I'm welcoming second semester with a fresh start. This time no more avoiding of Travis, no more crying, no more heartbreaks. I already did that last week.
This time I just want to concentrate on my studies and graduate with honors. Ayaw kong magisip ng mga hindi ko naman dapat pinoproblema na bagay.
Happily ever after is just for fairy tales and hopeless romantic people. I can still remember my elementary days when I wanted to be a princess and find my prince charming but as I was growing up I'm starting to not want love. Hindi naman sa ayaw ko talaga sa love. I don't despise it I just became smart about it. Sure being in love is different, it feels magical and I really felt like a Disney princess back then, but the heartbreaks sucks. So I'm starting to view the world differently by being the smart one. I don't want to get hurt anymore and I came to realize that I don't need a person to complete me because I'm already contented with myself and having that person is actually just a bonus for me.
"I just hope we don't get Prof Castro. Baka gapangin ko na ang sem na 'to kung siya!" Sabi ni Reyna.
Tumawa ako, "Yeah yan din ang winiwish ko. Petiks sem please."
"Feeling ko naman hindi kasi maaga 'yun pumapasok and she's already 15 mins late." Yna said with hope.
Mas kumonti ang klase ko kasama si Lance dahil mas magiging busy siya sa practice niya. His coach is a monster! If I happen to be in a varsity and he is my coach baka matagal na akong nagquit.
"Tara na kaya since free cut na? I'm hungry! Try natin 'yung bagong bukas na resto?"
"Five more minutes then tsaka tayo umalis baka kasi pumasok pa 'yun. You know naman mga profs." Nilingon kami ni Reyna and she's back texting again.
Tiningnan ko ang phone ko and I got a message from Lance.
Lance:
How's first day? Pumasok ka ba?
I typed my reply.
Me:
Yup and no prof!! Ikaw may class or practice?
Lance:
No prof din. Tara cut na! Let's eat.
Tinawag ko sila Hannah and told them na isasama ko si Lance.
Me:
I'm eating with the girls. Sama ka nalang sa amin? Nasa building lang kami. Where are you?
Nagkita kami sa labas ng building namin at napansin kong mas lumaki ang katawan niya sa kakapractice. Bago pa kami makalapit ay nakita kong may kausap siyang babae.
Nakangiti pa silang dalawa habang naguusap. Huminto kami para makapagusap pa sila and sure they really took a long time.
"Ikaw ha, sino 'yun?" Reyna teased while wiggling her eyebrows.
"Who?" Nagtataka niyang tanong.
"Sus, nagawa ko na 'yan Lance! 'Yung babaeng kausap mo kanina, 'yung nakaponytail! We were watching you from there. In fairness medyo matagal."
I laughed when I saw him blushed. Uy he blushed! "Tara na nga! Inaasar mo nanaman si Lance kaya ayaw niya sumasama sa atin dahil sayo."
xx
"Malapit na birthday mo diba?" Tanong sa akin ni Lance one afternoon while we're walking at the hallway.
"Stalker ka talaga." I joked.
"Dyan ka nagkakamali, tsk." Umiling siya. "Admirer kaya ako! So what's your plan?"
"Kasama ka ba?" Ngisi ko.
"Ay hindi ba? Sige. Ganyan ka na ah!" Kunyaring pagtatampo niya.
"Just kidding! Of course kasama ka basta may regalo ako." Tumawa ako. "De joke lang. Wala pa akong plan but I'm thinking na dinner then maybe party afterwards? Hm.. Or outing?"
Simula high school ay palaging ganon ang ginagawa namin. Magdidinner kami tapos paparty then overnight. At palagi rin sila Alex ang kasama ko. They always have plans on my birthday pero this year I doubt. Masyado pang magulo sa amin ni Travis tsaka mahirap ring magplano. I don't even know kung sasama ba siya if ever I do have a plan.
"Party girl ka talaga!" Ginulo niya ang buhok ko. "But outing sounds good to me."
Sa kabilang dulo ay nakita kong naglalakad si Travis na may kasamang isang lalaki. Probably his classmate. I smiled at him when our eyes met and he smiled back at me. I guess we're okay now. I hope so.
Okay na sa akin ang ganito kami. I got to see him and even talk to him. Okay na sa akin ang ganun, a person must learn how to be contented right? At least now mas gumaan ang pakiramdam ko sa mga bagay bagay pagkatapos ng lahat ng nasabi ko kay Alex and Travis. The twk of them are my most favorite person in the world at ayaw kong may isang mawawala sa kanila. They are my precious gem, my guardian angel, my everything.
Nilagpasan namin ang isa't isa na may ngiti sa aming labi.
"You look different today. Anong meron?" Tanong ni Alex nang magsabay kami umuwi.
"Nothing much. How about because I got perfect in our exam? Is that counted?" Tumaas ang kilay ko.
Nope, I don't want to tell him. I'm not telling him I'm happy because I saw Travis.
